All the glitters are not Gold
by Mccull
Summary: Gold and Silver have always been rivals, but when their past catches up to them and the scary truth about caring for each other sets in... what will they do? M for later chapters. preciousmetalshipping/huntershipping
1. Chapter 1

For as long as I couldn't remember, I was always a little shy around him. I didn't know why though, even with my pokemon at my side it seemed to bother me that he was a challenge. I couldn't bring myself to endure the pain of losing, so I never lost, but it was the sheer thrill of knowing that he was indeed a contender. The way he battled was more like a gym leader than just another trainer, and I found myself overwhelmed by the brute force AND strategic moves he would use.

He had dark auburn hair, but reminded me more of fire than anything else. He was lanky, a little broad in the shoulders, and a few inches taller than me. I wasn't daunted by this; a lot of people were taller than me—just as many shorter—but still.

We had encountered countless times on the roads and in the towns of Jhoto . Azalea, Olivine, Goldenrod, and plenty of other places. Each time he had been stronger, more violent, more determined, and just as frightening as the last. I never managed to control my heart rate when I would run into him, even the very first time, before I even knew his name.

He had run into me, knocked me over in a hurry, and stepped on my newly befriended Cyndaquil. I had cursed under my breath and though I would have just let the whole thing go—I didn't like conflict—he had whirled on me in a fit of rage. I remember grabbing my pokemon and holding him to my chest, because he was still weak from battling wild pokemon on the way back from seeing Professor oak.

"What do you think you're doing!" he had demanded, kicking up dirt as he turned. I scrambled to my feet, a scared pokemon squirming in my arms.

"I—I'm sorry! It was an accident!" I assured, just when Cyndaquil launched from my arms and squealed at the trainer. He glared down, perhaps thinking about kicking the little ball of fire, but instead he just raised his hand to reveal a shiny and new pokeball. I took a step back at the sight.

"Battle me." He said in a near icy tone, and then threw out a familiar looking water type. I gasped.

"You!"

Professor Elm had called only a few minutes earlier, desperate about his stolen pokemon. I knew the face of that Tododile well, because I had studied and contemplated picking it as my own for a long time. It looked ready to fight, eager to please, and just a bit too serious for my taste. I thought that a pokemon with as much potential as that would be a good partner, but in the end it had been Cyndaquil that won me over. He was just too shy, too unhappy with the place he was in; I knew I had to pick him.

And so this Tododile seemed to have something against me and my pokemon. Cyndaquil had yelped and backed up as it launched itself into battle.

I remember vividly how close we had come to losing that battle. Cyndaquil had in the end, used his speed to win, but not without injury first. I was relieved to know that Tododile hadn't known any water attacks at the time, or we'd have been screwed.

The look on my rivals face had been so distraught after that battle, that it for some reason stopped me from demanding why he stole from the lab. I wanted to harass him with "why did you" and "Who do you think you are" and "what the hell" but my lips had been pursed shut. He just stared, and stared, and stared at that little water pokemon that was fainted in front of him, a narrow cut running down its chest.

"Well don't just stand there." I finally said. "Take it to the pokemon center!"

"Don't tell me how to raise pokemon!" he snapped, but called the pokemon back into its ball anyways. He turned and fled then, which had left me staring in confusion after him. It was then that I noticed he had dropped his black leather wallet.

I reached down to pick it up and opened it, wondering if a guy like that was worth the trouble of chasing. If it wasn't for the fact that he had stolen from the lab I would have run after him to return it, but a growing hate had risen in my chest. I bit my lip as I looked at the trainer's card and saw his name scrawled messily over the signature line.

Silver.

That was the first thing that seemed to draw me to the young teen. His name was Silver, and how ironic, that my name was Gold. I had shook my head and stared down at the red headed trainer on the card, who was not smiling in his picture, until a hand snatched it away from me. I gasped and looked up.

"Give it back!" Silver hissed and then shoved me as hard as he could. I hit the ground with a thud, resulting in a nice pokeball sized bruise on my butt the next day.

And when I got back to the lab, no matter how much I kept telling myself I hated the trainer for being so mean and rude and stealing, I couldn't bring myself to give the police any information about the guy. Fear had rose in my throat like bile, and I felt like I was about to be sick, but I had held my tongue and insisted that I didn't see anything. If the police would have found out I didn't tell them what I knew, I could have had my pokemon license taken away, or worse. But I couldn't bring myself to explain the encounter with the trainer called Silver.

The next time I had seen him was in the Sprout Tower, and he had shoved me again. This time Cyndaquil had nearly burnt his ass, but we never actually battled. We really didn't speak much either. I couldn't understand the guy. It was as if he was purposefully heading in the same direction I was going.

Again in Azalea town, we battled and I won. He was so mad this time, so he left declaring next time he would be the winner. But he wasn't. I beat him every time, getting stronger and stronger all the way up through the pokemon league. At Victory Road he seemed a little less furious, but never did he allow himself any leniency. He wanted to be the best, just like I did.

I had felt like I was watching his pokemon grow as well as my own. The Tododile grew into a temperamental Feraligatr, his Zubat to Golbat, Gastly to Gengar, Kadabra to Alakazam, magnemite to Magneton, and Sneasel though it never evolved. All of his team had become powerful and loyal, though I could see that a forever weariness lined their eyes. Like Silver, they hated to lose.

I felt bad, I realized after having beaten the pokemon league. Despite my happiness and achievement in becoming a member of the top trainers list of Johto, a champ no doubt, I realized that it was just a title. The champ… what else was I?

Unhappiness had brought me to Kanto, where I figured I could claim another title, and hope that this time it would mean something. Little by little I faced trainers that were stronger than ever, and I lost. It wasn't shocking, just a little disappointing at the time. These trainers meant business, which is what I had wanted all along, but it didn't fill the gap in my heart of knowing that my journey was coming to an end.

I contemplated going to Unova to try and start fresh there once or twice, because the region was thriving and the pokemon were completely different. But something held me back, and no, it wasn't for the fact that they were having problems with a mysterious group called Plasma. I had already faced Team Rocket and won, why should I have to poke my nose into another tragic disaster?

I ended up staying, training slowly and winning more badges that would only collect dust in the pocket of my backpack that had a built in lock on it. It wasn't the worst decision I had ever made, but I knew it wasn't close to being the best.

I never saw Silver again, not even while I traveled with my beloved team and faced trainers upon trainers. It made me feel strange, almost as if I was worried that something had happened to the guy that never settled for anything less than a shove and words of hate when he saw me. He must not have known that I saved him from some serious trouble with the police back when we first met.

I was walking through the dark forest of Viridian, thinking about my life and the things I had done with my days of training to get me to this point. Bushes trembled with the snores of pokemon, stars flickered above, and wind whistled with the threat of winter in the air. I was staring at my feet as I walked, a habit I picked up on too long ago to try and fix. My hands were shoved in my jacket pockets and were the only things that remained warm. The rest of me was fighting off trembles.

My pokegear suddenly vibrated on my belt. It startled me into stopping, and I had to fumble to reach it. Who would be calling me this late at night? I unhooked the clunky piece of equipment and looked at the too bright screen. Lyra, of course it was Lyra. I sighed and hit the button.

"Hello?" I whispered. It was too dark, too silent to do anything but.

"Marrriiiii!" her loud pudgy, untrained pokemon answered me. I flinched and held the pokegear away from my face, about to hang up.

"Maril wanted to say hi!" Lyra's excited voice came then. I glanced around to see if her obnoxious voice woke anything up.

"Hey, Gold? Are you there?" she asked when I didn't respond

"Yeah, what's up?" I said, annoyance making my voice tight. She wouldn't hear it; all she ever heard was what she wanted to hear from people. "Don't you realize it's the middle of the night?"

"Yes, but I wanted to talk to you!" she insisted.

"About what?"

"Well… uhh—about! Errmm… I kind of wanted you to know that your mom… she has been talking about moving… I guess she wants to be in a bigger city, and well… you don't want that do you?"

My mother? I found it hard to believe… we lived in the tiny town of New Bark our whole lives; she lived there when she was just a girl, and she had grown up with the town. Plus the way Lyra sounded I couldn't help but think she was lying to me.

She took my silence as agreement. "So you should come home then! Just… just for a little while. I'm sure that it's because you aren't here. She is just lonely you know."

"You called me in the middle of the night to tell me this? Lyra I already know that my mom is lonely without me, but she knows I didn't plan on staying home my whole life." I barely lived there anymore as it was, and I had contemplated buy an apartment of my own recently. I was only seventeen, turning eighteen in a month, but I had plenty of money. My biggest issue with that idea was that I would get lazy and end up sleeping half my life away.

"Well, I was thinking about it now and didn't want to forget what I had to say."

That's right, Lyra with her short memory. I rolled my eyes. She was a sweet girl, really she was, but sometimes I found it harder to get along with her because of that. She didn't know when to stop being sweet, so it came in at a lot of bad moments and would ruin things. I remembered one time a while ago, when the legendary Entei had wiped out my entire team and sent me into a day of depression, Lyra had tried to cheer me up but only ended up making me feel more like hell. "Well you know Eusine caught up with that Suicune a while ago… maybe next time huh?" she had said, and her smile made me want to smack her.

"Lyra you wouldn't have forgotten by morning." I commented mildly, forgetting the memory. "And I can't just stop what I'm doing to come home."

"Can you come tomorrow?"

"It will take two days to get to Vermillion City to catch the boat. Lyra, I just can't right now, ok?" the desire to hang up on her stung like needles in my fingertips. I drew the phone back and ignored the squawk of her voice. I didn't understand what she said, and sighed.

"I have to go ok?" I spat into the end of the pokegear and then hung up. That counted as saying goodbye, I thought guiltily. Lyra wouldn't think much of it, and I knew she would just keep calling back, so I turned to thing off and clipped it back on my belt quickly.

It wasn't that I didn't want to return home to New Bark Town, I just didn't think I could. It always hurt to see the house I grew up in, and the people that loved me more than I loved them. They didn't understand the slight depression I had been in the last year or so, since I beat the pokemon league, so it was easier for me to pretend like I was busy rather than show up just to get asked the same old questions.

"Would you like to talk about it sweetie?" I could hear my mother's voice as if she was there. "You know I'm always here for you."

With a heavy sigh I leaned against a mossy tree and shivered. Of course she would always be there for me, she was my mother. I loved her to death for raising me alone (my asshole father had ditched out when he claimed I wasn't his, which was a lie.) but sometimes I felt like she didn't know me like she thought she did. What mother would understand if her kid said "well, I have everything I could ever need; people to love me, money, loyal pokemon, hell I'm even the champion of Johto! But I'm not happy, so that's why I don't come around much."

Guilt cut me like a razor claw. It sounded stupid to even myself, and so selfish. If I didn't understand this, they how could she? How could Lyra? Or Professor Elm or Oak? No one would be able to see just what it was about me that was so distant.

I picked at the ground in front of me, ignoring the frost that had formed on the blades of grass, making it sharper than usual.

"Why can't I just be happy with what I have…?" I whispered to myself, thinking about the days when I was so very thrilled to be the best. A simpler time, yes indeed, though there was nothing now to make these days more complicated.

"Who's there?" a voice very near to me made me jolt upright. I threw down the handful of grass I picked and used to low branch of a pine tree to pull myself up right.

I remained silent, my heart racing as someone walked through the trees just a little ways off from me. They walked in the tall grass, disturbing pokemon and causing a ruckus of hisses and squeaks. A pidgey flew away in fright, and I heard a mild curse.

The dark figure was hidden in the shadows, but I could see clearly that it was someone lanky wearing a hood. They walked like the forest moved, with a distinct rustle, and the leaves seemed to tremble in fright. I reached up and ran a hand through my hair, wondering if I should step out and challenge the figure.

I decided not to only because I didn't see any pokemon, or any sign that they had pokemon with them, but still I watched, trying to decipher the strangely familiar shape. I took a step forward, making a twig crack under my shoes.

"I said who's there?" the figure stopped, anger lining their words, and I saw its shoulders turn in my directions.

How could they pick out the noise I made from the noise any pokemon around here made? I wondered if they could see me, and then wondered why I was hiding in the first place. It wasn't as if I had a reason to hide.

"A trainer." I said softly, but my voice was hoarse and raw from the crisp air. A very slight annoyance still clung to my words after having just got off the phone with Lyra.

I expected the person to say something along to lines of "really! Lets battle!" but a deathly silence hung in the air between us. I couldn't see the persons face, so I didn't know if they were looking at me or not. Could they see me? Obviously if I could see them but…

"Gold?"

The hairs on the back of my neck stood up as I ran through the list of people it could be. It may have been an ace trainer I battled sometime a while ago, or perhaps a gym leader since I was somewhat close to most of them, but the voice didn't fit the faces in my head.

So I stayed quiet and waited for them to say something else. If I didn't respond they must know it was me? Anyone else would have responded no.

I watched the shadow as it moved, and then suddenly with a swiftness in its steps. It was like it had suddenly recognized me for who they asked for. But… why would they run?

I stood dumbfounded, goose bumps crawling up my legs and spine and puffs of visible air creeping out of my mouth into the cold. Maybe they really thought it wasn't me, and they were embarrassed for asking. I figured I would just let them go, seeing as though it wasn't important anymore.

But a patch of moonlight between some trees revealed to me a flash of auburn, and suddenly I understood. My feet turned to ice beneath me, and I was frozen to the forest ground in confusion. Why would he just start running?

I blinked stupidly at the disappearing figure, wondering what could have possibly changed in the last year since I had seen my number one rival.

"Silver?" I mumbled under my breath, and then louder called. "Silver wait up!"


	2. Chapter 2

~Silver~

Groaning I slowed to a stop, chanting to myself, turn and fight, turn and fight, turn and fucking fight!

Anger whirled through me like a sharp blade with a jagged edge.

Who was to think that the one person that would always be better than me would be here, intruding on the dark hours of the night and ruining my private time? It was at this time did I come to find myself, when the stars flickered and the moon hid beyond the trees. Viridian forest had become a secret sanctuary for me after the last three years, and I was peeved at the idea of it becoming anyone else's private place.

That low pine tree Gold had been sitting under, picking nervously at the grass; that was MY tree. And my grass and my sky to look up at, so who did he think he was? This was MY forest, the place that had kept me sane for so long after never breathing on my own.

I had spared myself the off chance of the police finding me after two years, and I fled to Kanto, which was my original home. It was here, in this timeless nation that my father abandoned me. The reputation he left behind was bitter in my mouth, but I never felt more rooted to anywhere before, so it took me a long time to get up the courage to leave this region.

It was the grass and lack of dry weather, the storm clouds in the summer and the snow clouds in the winter that made this place my life. I'd grown up knowing that the air was hot and the seasons were dramatic, it was the only stable thing I managed to keep despite myself. I felt more intoned to this place than anywhere else in the world, and it broke my heart to have had to leave it.

At fifteen I fled, in attempts to escape my father's path of destruction. He scarred the nation with his power, and then left them wanting more after he failed. Like a pack of hungry, ravenous Arcanine, the people of Kanto wanted revenge. And I could see, despite my younger demeanor, the resemblance when I looked in the mirror. I would have been hated for being related to the one called Giovanni.

Being the spitting image of my father was bad enough, I didn't want to be treated differently for it. We had the same skeptical and unforgettable eyes, the same definite jaw line and acute nose. I had the same creased forehead, lower lip, brow line. For god's sake we had the same kind of hands. Long fingers, strong, and near see through. The veins popped out under harsh light, making me seem transparent.

At times I wondered if it were possible for me to have taken on any of the characteristics of my mother (though I never knew who she was or even what she looked like). There had to be someone out there that had carried me for nine months while I grew into the miniature Giovanni. Unless I was some science experiment put on by my father (and I wasn't sure I wasn't) I knew that I would have to have SOME kind of traits of my mother. For a while I thought it was my fiery red hair, only to find one day a picture of Giovanni about my age, with the same color—though shorter and messier—mop that I had.

Who was to say I wasn't created rather than born? It wasn't as if there was anything natural about me anyways. Giovanni himself wasn't natural; he was a scourge in the decent people of Kanto… the decent people of anywhere. His name sent trembled through those of lesser power, and hate to those of stronger. I lived with this knowledge since I was young, but it never seemed to fully sink in until I decided that I could shrink out of the shadow he held above me.

I crossed over illegally to Johto a week after my father abandoned me. It was my pathetic attempt at trying to dislodge the memories of where I came from and who I was—which was nobody—that brought me to a tiny town where nothing made sense. Mountains, taller and more tedious than any one of Kanto sprouted in the distance and made me feel trapped. Grass died in the summer's wrath rather than thrived, and beaches with sand rather than rocks and high cliffs. I was lost, but I knew that I had to make this my new home.

I didn't like to think that I was running away from my problems, but if there was no hope in ever being someone in the region I loved, then the only chance I had was to be someone in a region I hated. I thought maybe, perhaps if I started over and made something of myself I would be happy.

One week had gone by; I was homeless and sticky and started to lose all hope in ever finding something to bring me out of this ditch I was living in. I spent this time watching the kids of New Bark talk in excited voices about how they were going to be getting a pokemon from Professor Elm in a few days. This was what sparked hope in me.

At first I wanted to ask—politely at best—if I could have a pokemon as well, even though I wasn't a citizen of Johto I still had a trainer card, so there was a chance. I figured maybe if I used my desperation Professor Elm would let me have one out of kindness. I hoped, but never once did I really think I had a chance.

If they knew who I was, if they had any idea of the things my father put Kanto through… no one would trust me. My father wasn't even around anymore and he was still ruining my life!

One night, the day before the kids of New Bark were to receive their starter pokemon, I watched through the window of the lab. All night I stared at the three pokeballs in the locked glass container under a heat lamp ready to be given away the next morning. I would never have a pokemon… I would never be given a chance to start. I had to take a chance—literally TAKE.

The next day I watched as helpless individuals, giddy with excitement flooded the gates of the lab. This infuriated me; how unfair that people with no regard to hardship, kids that had lived a perfect life could get something handed to them so easily. When people like me, who deserved a chance to be someone and make something of themselves, weren't even noticed. I was a shadow… that was all there was to it.

I stole a pokemon that day, after a young teen was late to receive his. He was the last person to get a pokemon, and all he had was three to choose from. Tododile, Chicorita, and Cyndaquil. I knew right away which pokemon I wanted (or at least I thought I wanted)- Chicorita. It was happy, enthusiastic and easy to please. It had round ivory and brown eyes with a large lush leaf growing off the top of its head. The green pokemon reminded me of Kanto.

But when the young teen—who I came to know as Gold later on—took so long to choose, between Tododile and Cyndaquil, my mind started to change. Did I want a pokemon easy to raise? Or did I want one that would push me further? I studied the Cyndaquil while Gold contemplated the Tododile. Cyndaquil looked shy, weary of the world around it, and I found nothing enjoyable about that. It was like it had no sense of its surroundings. A blind pokemon? You wouldn't have been able to tell at the time.

Tododile was solemn, with a strange expression written on its face. It could have had a toothy grin, one of which would resemble the Chicorita's, but instead it bore the face of a stoic carving. The statue pokemon shared no emotion towards Gold, only a hidden and silent pleading. Perhaps if it wouldn't have looked so confident it would have been chosen. Because in the end Gold had decided that the little runt Cyndaquil was going to be his partner.

I remembered staring in awe, wondering why Gold wouldn't want a strong pokemon like Tododile to guide him, and then decided that it WAS what I wanted. Sure Chicorita would have been the most loyal and friendly thing on the planet, but she couldn't have held the same kind of seriousness that Tododile did. She wouldn't have been the kind of pokemon to take the Tauros by the horns; which was the kind of pokemon I needed.

Gold, having spent so much time choosing which starter he wanted, left in a hurry. Such an eager trainer, leaving his home without even saying goodbye to his mother. I waited until he was out of sight to make my move.

Professor Elm put the Tododile and the Chicorita back in their pokeballs and left them sitting on the counter for a long moment. I had been a little disgusted by the fact that he would just leave such precious things out where people could take them—but of course that was only because I wanted to steal one. I realized that the only reason I was mad about this was because I wanted the professor to leave me no option but to ask for one. I didn't want to be a bad person, and yet he made it so terribly easy.

He shrugged out of his lab coat and headed up the stairs to do what I could only assume as take a shower. This gave me plenty of time, and it wasn't hard really. All I did was push open his unlocked sliding back door and tiptoe inside. Tododile's pokeball was warm and slippery when I grabbed it and shoved it in my pocket, leaving poor Chicorita there on the table by herself. I had almost grabbed them both, but remembered that what I was doing was bad enough.

I fled the town into the unknown territory, the same direction Gold had gone. I decided that if maybe I could fallow him he would lead me somewhere safe, where no one would think any differently of me than other trainers with their first pokemon. I was hopeful, but sick with guilt.

The first time I ran into Gold had been an accident, and I had knocked him over with my frantic escape. He had blurted out apologies and tried to scramble to his feet, but I had been so shaken that all I could manage was a demand for battle. I wasn't sure if I was mad at him personally for not choosing the Tododile, or if I was just mad in general, or mad at myself, but I couldn't bring myself to let it go. I wanted to beat him; I wanted to hate him, though I had no real reason to. I was the one that had done something terrible. I was the villain.

And then when he recognized me as a criminal I was even more infuriated. I kept telling myself he didn't know my name and it wouldn't ever be a problem if he knew because he was just a stupid kid and no one would believe him anyways. A stupid weak kid… that was all.

We battled…

And he won.

So much for just a stupid weak kid right? I was so helplessly flustered with the fact that poor Tododile was taken out by a pokemon of such scared nature, that all I could do was stare dumbstruck down at him. Had I chosen the wrong one? Was Tododile really as determined as he seemed? Did he try his best or had he given up after Cyndaquil showed its true skill being in speed rather than strength?

Part of my wanted to leave my passed out pokemon on the dirt road and hope that Gold would pick it up and take it back to the lab where it would be cared for properly. I wanted to make things right before they got any worse, so I silently urged Gold on, in my head screaming things like "tell me to hand over my pokeball!" and "go return him now!"

But no, all he had said—finally—was "don't just stand there! Take it to the pokemon center!"

Hadn't he known I was a crook? Obviously I was the thief, he recognized the Tododile he almost—should have picked as his own partner, so why didn't he want to take it back? It was like he wanted me to have it after all. And that made it that much harder to get rid of the pokemon. My hands shook as I called it back into its ball and ran off in a fit, wishing that Gold had been even more critical. Had he been half the nice guy he was, I would have stopped all the madness right then and there.

And then of course, almost as if the world was giving me another chance to make things right, I dropped my wallet, somewhere along the lines of karma and fleeing I lost the trainer card with my name on it. I stopped down the road, nearing the pokemon center and looked back at the boy and the exhausted Cyndaquil, as he stared down at the card in his hands.

Good, I had thought, now the police will know it's me and they will punish me for doing bad things. That wasn't sarcasm either, no; I really truly WANTED to be caught at this point. I wanted professor Elm to have his pokemon back; I WANTED this whole thing to be over. And yet I wanted that Tododile too much to take it back myself. I was selfish and stupid and that was the end of it.

I kept running, running and running and battling and becoming stronger while awaiting the day that the police would find me and cuff me. It was much too easy to assume that they wouldn't find me—I never tried to hide after all, but the day never came.

At times I wanted to confront Gold about this, about why I was never caught. Maybe when I shoved him and snatched my wallet back he had hit his head hard enough that it dislodged my name from his memory. But that wouldn't explain the countless other times we had come face to face in battle. I came to the realization that Gold knew who I was, but he wasn't telling anyone. And I never—till this day even—I never found out why.

And that's why I ran, just now. Under the moonlight in what I felt was my own territory. I ran, not because I was furious over the fact that in the last year I had gotten the balls to come back home to Kanto (I still loved it here more than Johto), and found Gold where I least expected him to be. But it was because I couldn't face the knowing of why he had lied so long to protect me, or if there was another reason he did it. I didn't want to know, I didn't want any of my Johto life to be brought back here to Kanto with me. I couldn't face it, after a year of locking it away I couldn't stand the thought of losing the only thing that kept me happy—or somewhat happy.

Feraligatr was loyal now, though we had a rocky start together as partners. I couldn't give him up, I WOULDN'T give him up. I fled back to Kanto to escape Gold and all the threats that came with him in the first place, so why was he here now? This was MY region, and I knew that he was too rooted to Johto to just want to be here. Like me, he was loyal to his homeland.

Anger made me stop. Had this been Johto I would have kept going. I would have run and run and run until I was cities away from Gold. But not here, this was Kanto! I whirled and faced the darkness of the Viridian forest again, standing by the black hole of a tunnel that would lead me into Viridian City.

"Silver!" my voice was still being called.

I didn't answer, but stood under the light of moon and watched as he broke through the layer of trees, having chased me to this point. What the hell could he want anyways? A battle? Really? At fucking—I looked at my watch quickly— four in the morning? Why was he even out this late?

"Silver…" he said loudly, but no longer yelling when he saw that I had stopped. My hand gripped one of my pokeballs tightly, preparing to launch it out at him. Maybe if I was lucky it would strike him in the head before opening.

"What… what are you doing in—Kanto?" the honey eyed boy—no, not a boy anymore—young man strode forward trying to catch his breath. He pulled off the same old cap he wore and ran his hand through his messy hair. It fell over one side of his face and he shook it back with annoyance.

I didn't answer at first, seeing as though a year had done wonders to the awkward teenager that Gold had once been. What was he, sixteen the last time I had seen him? He looked much older now, with a strong jaw line rather than the baby face he once held. And I noticed how his shoulders and filled out and how you could so clearly see his collar bone. Gold wasn't the pudgy little kid he once was, he was a champion.

I wondered if I looked any different.

"You look like you just shit yourself." He said, folding his arms after a moment. Did I really look that terrified?

"Seriously Silver, what the hell?"

"Why?" I blurted suddenly. My eyes squeezed shut and wishing those words hadnt come out, I slapped my hand over my face and grit my teeth. I didn't want to know the answer to that question! I didn't want to know why Gold had been hiding my secret for so long.

He cocked his head to the side—that was one thing that he hadn't grown out of. Like his eyes, which were still too bright and too big for his face. He was still using actions to display his confusion as well as words. Like when he talked he would use his hands, as if that made things more clear.

"Why what?" his eyes narrowed.

"Why did you do it? All these years?" I wasn't expecting my words to come in a rush, but seeing as though we were the only people around, and the shock of it all was bringing down my defenses, I couldn't hold back.

He just looked so dumbfounded.

"Why didn't you call the police on me?" I hissed, my voice rising to a wail. "All these years I have been so fucking guilty waiting for you to get me thrown in jail! But you never did! I stole Professor Elm's pokemon, I assaulted you, I lied, I cheated, my father destroyed a whole region under the reign of team Rocket and you never once let that affect me! Why? Why Gold? Why?"

He shook his head, holding that stupid hat that was old and torn and stained from years of sweat. His eyes were round with confusion, his face looking suddenly younger, then older, and changing as he clenched his teeth and narrowed his eyes.

"If you wanted to be caught so bad why didn't you turn yourself in?" he finally spoke.

I glared, damning those golden eyes to hell. "You're just so right all the time aren't you?" and my back turned then, flustered and hot with rage. "Would you have turned yourself in?"

"I wouldn't have done it to begin with." He commented, though he didn't sound mad. His footsteps behind me, crunching through the frost made the hairs on the back of my next stand on end. "I don't understand Silver."

I hated the way he said my name, as if he really knew me.

"You have all this guilt sitting on your shoulders and it would be all too easy to explain yourself! I'm tired of keeping this secret as much as you are, so what's the point?"

"Could you give up your Typhlosion?" I grunted and pulled my hood up over my shoulders to block the runoff water from dripping on my head in the tunnel leading to Viridian. A terribly cold waft of air made me shudder. "It's not exactly easy to pretend three years of fighting and training didn't happen."

I couldn't see his face any longer, as I came to stop in the blackness of the tunnel and turned to look back the way I came. I couldn't see him fallowing me, but his footsteps were louder than I expected. Water droplets plopped in the form of slush on the ground at my feet and a chill strung out through all my veins like ice.

"Of course I couldn't, He is—Ooof!" Gold ran right into me, not realizing that I had stopped walking.

I couldn't see any of him in the dark but I shoved back hard and heard the sound of him hit the cement ground of the tunnel. He cursed, reminding me that nothing had changed. We were rivals, we would always be rivals, no matter what secret was strewn up between us.

"What the fuck Silver, what did I ever do?" he hissed, muttering something about being soaked. I started walking again, squinting to see the light of the street lamp that was just outside the end of the tunnel.

There was a faint sigh. "Alright, alright, I know that it must have been hard for you, but… I mean…" Gold spluttered, and I could hear his teeth clattering together. "Why did you do it in the first place?"

"What?"

"What made you steal Professor's pokemon to begin with?"

"That was three years ago." I shoved my hands in my pockets as water dripped onto my nose and cheeks.

"That doesn't mean anything; you still had a reason right?"

"It doesn't matter!" I snapped, and his footsteps stopped almost instantly. He probably thought I was going to turn and shove him again—but I wouldn't make a fool out of myself without knowing exactly where he was first. In the dark it was impossible to tell.

"It matters to me!" he insisted, and his voice echoed too loudly. "I've been protecting your ass for three years for no reason, not knowing why but knowing there was a reason. I think I deserve to know."

"I never wanted you to protect me." I snarled back.

"Then I will just call the police right now." He huffed and the low beep of a pokegear turning on sounded like thunder to my ears. Panic struck me and I whirled around. Sure I wanted my punishment for doing what I did, I wanted this guilt off my shoulders. But I didn't want my pokemon taken away from me! Confliction made me frantic and I weaved between the droplets of water until I was nearly running. I crashed right into Gold like he had to me a moment ago, and the light of the pokegear had me squinting a second later. I drew back, blinded.

"Gold… I… it was because…" I shielded my eyes from the bright unnatural light. "You just wouldn't understand."

"I thought you wanted to be caught?" he held a finger above the emergency dial button. "You are guilty after all."

"So are you!" I bit back. "We both have secrets right? Why can't we just except that and move on?"

"Move on to what?" He rolled his eyes, which I could barely see now that mine adjusted. He was scowling at me. "I'm the champion of Johto, and Kanto isn't much different. Do you think I have much else going for me? And I know you don't."

That stung, like a hot iron in the middle of winter. My chest tightening with hate and I whirled then, thinking I must be bipolar or something. Running, back towards Viridian City, ignoring the water and the frost and the darkness and all the painful truth in Gold's words. Of course I had nothing going for me, but was it so hard to believe that I wanted something? That's all it ever was! Just wanting. I was selfish. Want want want want, that's all I ever felt.

It was wanting that made me steal Professor Elm's pokemon so long ago. Why couldn't Gold just see that and leave it at that?


	3. Chapter 3

~Gold~

_BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEEEEEEP_

I flinched.

_BEEEEEEEP BEEEEEEP BEEEEEEEEP BEEEEEEP BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP_

That damn clock will be the death of me I sware! I thought with aggravation, bringing my hand up and slamming it down on the nightstand next to my bed. I missed at first, hitting the edge of the wood with a groan. Limp and already defeated I knocked it over and rolled. The thing clung for life through the plug behind the small dresser and made a low groaning _BEEeeeeeeuuu_ as it lost energy and came undone. I flipped the covers back over my head and sighed, listening to the sweet silence that engulfed my room.

I always slept with the blinds as shut as they could be because I was not a morning person. I hated how bright the sun looked over New Bark Town when it broke past the mountains and glittered over the nearby ocean. My eyes took forever to adjust, more so than anyone else I knew, so I resorted in tricking myself into thinking it was nighttime longer so that I could save myself a little bit of a bad start.

It was so sinfully comfortable like this that I couldn't stand the thought of ever getting up, so within moments I was asleep again, curled up with my limp pillow tucked under my arms and my head over them. My groggy mind lead me to believe that I hadn't knocked the whole alarm clock off the hook table, and that it would be going off in another three moments like it always did when I rarely his snooze.

It was too comfortable anyways… I didn't care…

Until suddenly something struck me in the side so alarmingly that I nearly flew from the bed. Heart racing I jolted upright and gasped, pushing my mother's shoulder back without realizing yet what her purpose was.

"Gold! You slept in!" her voice was shrill. "Baby come on! Get up! You want your pokemon

right?"

And then it hit me. Oh shit…

I had slept in on perhaps the single most important day of my life.

I yanked the covers off of me and jumped past my mother glancing at the dead clock at the side of my bed. Of course… just my luck, I groaned. "What time is it?"

"Ten thirty." My mother answered, heading down stairs in a rush to let me get dressed. I threw on a pair of shorts quickly and a black t shirt. I scrambled for my gold chain, the one I always wore no matter what, and slipped it on over my neck quickly. My jacket was also over my arm in a second and I whisked my hat from the hook on my door and tucked in on my head before heading out to take the stairs two at a time, slipping on the rug on the bottom floor and nearly falling on my face. A avoided it using the railing and didn't cease a moment.

My shoes came on easily and I simply tucked the laces in the sides rather than tying them (I could do that later). My packed bag was sitting by the door, but I knew I would be home to show my mother my pokemon before I left, so I didn't bother with it.

"Gold!" my mother yelled from the kitchen. "Don't forget your pokegear!"

"Later!" I yelled and was out the door in a second, forgetting all about the device and sprinting across my front lawn.

Summer had not yet set in, so the grass still had morning dew on it, and the flowers were not dead from heat and lack of water. Across the way I knew that the ocean was lapping hungrily at the rough sandy floor and bringing up seashells and slowpoke like regurgitated items. In the earliest days of fall the Seal and Dewgong would make this shore their home, which prevented the kids from swimming in the last few weeks of warm weather.

Here in Johto we had two seasons. Hot and somewhat chilly. It was the exact opposite of our neighboring region Kanto, which was always warm, with little snowfall and a lot of rain in the hot season. The coldest it ever got there was at Mt. Silver, where the elevation was too high to be affected by the warmth. It snowed there all year around.

On most mornings I would have glanced up at the great mountain, wondering if the famous Red was still up there, watching the sunrise like he claimed to do every morning before training. I would have vowed again (just like I did every morning) that one day I would battle him and win, and I would be the new champion, but I was in much too big of a hurry.

Thankfully the pokemon lab was only a couple streets down from me, so I got there quickly, having expected to fight through crowds of young eager trainers, and ornery mothers assuring them they would get theirs and to be patient. But no one was around to my dismay. I slowed to a huffing stop and grasped the door handle with shaky fingers.

Never before had I ever felt so nervous… how could this really be happening to me? Was everyone really already gone?

I peered inside the lab and saw nothing, not even the professor in his usual chair behind his desk. My heart went aflame with worry and I yanked hard on the door… it didn't budge.

"Professor Elm!" I yowled in panic, banging on the glass and clinging to the glass door like it was my life. "PLEASE! I HAVE TO GET A POKEMON!" my throat threatened to close up on me and my tear ducts strained with effort. This wasn't happening… it couldn't be…

I had been waiting for this day for years and suddenly it was slipped from my fingertips so fast I was left horrified and sickened. My hands came down hard on the door as I begged to be let in.

Professor Elm never left the lab! Where could he be? And on a day like today?

"Professor!" I was on the verge of running home and literally crying to my mother. Tears streamed down my face, broken hearted as any kid would be. It wasn't fair!

And then something appeared in front of me.

At first I was positive it was relief that made me gasp. I stopped beating the door and screaming and stared past the glass to the pair of eyes looking back at me. I couldn't catch my breath fast enough to realize what was going on, and then when all of the sudden nothing made sense I took a step back.

"You just wouldn't understand…" the cracked and hoarse voice from beyond the glass door said to me. My heart was racing, the grass now a blur of green and the sky a slowly fading gray. The morning dew was gone, the mountain in the distance, and the sound of the ocean lapping at the shore line. I tried to move, to run home and protect myself, but I couldn't.

I was glued to the porch of the pokemon lab looking into the building. Standing with narrow, colorless eyes was a boy, on the inside, looking out at me. He held no expression, and showed no sign of further explaining himself. I held my breath as his hand came, a thick red liquid dripping from his fingers. I could not move my hand from the glass that it had fallen on, and so his four fingers and thumb lined up perfectly with mine.

My eyes were huge, my head swimming with fright, and my ears ringing with the shallow pound of my heartbeat. A droplet of red slithered down the length of the boy's wrist and past the glass of the door. It was only then, when my mind caught up with my panic, did I realized who was standing in front of me.

"Silver?" I whispered, my nerves working again. A numbness faded from my hand and I felt a hot moisture. The glass disappeared between us, and his crimson stained hand was touching mine. I couldn't move, I couldn't even breathe.

Ever so slowly Silver slid his fingers between mine and gripped my knuckles tightly, sharing the blood between us. It burned on my skin like a hot iron, and the smell was of rust and something else metallic. Gritty as salt and as vibrant as the upper half of a pokeball the red smeared over my hand. And still I could not pull away.

"You just wouldn't understand." He spoke again, but this time it was not his voice I heard, but the voice of someone older. Pain etched its way past the words and stung like needles in my heart. He squeezed my hand softly.

"You will never understand."

And then he shoved me, will all his force he dethatched his bloody hand from mine and shouldered me as hard as he could. Fury shot through his glinting silver eyes and like the rest of him, they were cold.

I hit the ground with the thud in the same instant that my eyes snapped open.

I lay awake in a chilly pokemon center bed, sweating despite the cold and gasping for air. The ceiling looked miles away, and the light from the moon too faint. My heart pounded in shock.

"It was just a dream…" I whispered to myself, swallowing my hoarse voice down. All the blankets were strewn around the floor and the foot of the bed, and it looked as if I had attacked a now lumpy pillow. My hair was tangled, I discovered when I went to run my hand through it, and when I sat up I realized that a very worried pokemon was perched at the end of the bed. I almost yelped in surprise.

"Skarmory?" I squinted in the darkness to see the large metallic bird in front of me. "What are you doing out of your ball?" I reached my hand forward and rubbed my fingers over its neck. The metal plating didn't full cover her sleek feathers so I knew where to pet her. She crooned in response and nudged me gently.

"I'm fine." I said moving to get off the bed. This wasn't the first time she had broken out of her ball when I was in panic. I had gotten quite used to it actually. "Just a nightmare."

She squawked and hopped alongside the railing of the bed as I fumbled around in the dark for my shoes. I needed some air…

A few short hours ago I had come across Silver in the Viridian Forest, and our conversation had shaken me like a leaf in the autumn winds. So violently that I decided the only rational thing to do was get a pokemon center room and sleep off the anxiety. I couldn't explain it, but I was feeling absolutely miserable over the whole thing. And now this dream…

"Who is he to say I won't understand?" I muttered, unlocking the balcony door and sliding it open to reveal the very faint flickering of snowflakes. I barely registered the fact that this was the first snow fall of the season, and it was nearly morning, with the sun just managing to show in the distance past Mt. Silver, so it wouldn't last long. I stepped out, ignoring the pins and needles in on my skin and embraced the cold.

Silver never gave anyone the chance to understand him… so how could he be so sure that I never would? I shook my head. He wasn't the only one with secrets to be kept and trust issues, but that had never stopped me from confiding in people. I knew for a fact that if there was anyone in this world that absolutely WOULD understand Silver, it was me.

Or at least I wanted to believe so…

Barely ten hours ago I was most worried about going to see my depressed and lonely mother, but now it all seemed to change. My mind was on Silver and all the things he had ever done wrong, plus all the things he could have done right. The guilt was eating him alive, I could see it! And yet… he wouldn't dare do anything to make right what he did wrong.

I leaned against the railing and shivered, listening to the metal clinking of Skarmory's talons next to me. She made a gentle squeaking sound and pushed her hard face against my shoulder.

Skarmory was one of my closest pokemon, having been the first one I ever actually caught. We got along well and never once did she defy my orders, but that wasn't why I loved her so much. She was careful and strategic, and gentle with everyone as if she was afraid she would break anything and everything she touched (which I had to admit, could be a possibility). And yet I had seen this pokemon crack the plating of a wild Ryhorn's shoulder in attempts to defend me.

I brought my hand up and ruffled the red feathers under her sharp wings. She wove her face into my neck and brushed back the tufts of hair that stuck out everywhere, plucking playfully in attempts to cheer me up.

I sighed and pulled back slightly to look her in the dull yellow eyes. "Do you think Silver is bad?" I whispered, and then looked past her at the sleeping town below. No one was awake this early, so I could still hear the sounds of night pokemon rushing back to their homes to sleep off the daylight hours. The sewer ratatta would be scurrying back to the alleyways between the largest buildings and the hoothoot would be flying back to their nests.

Skarmory snuffled at me and cocked her head to the side in confusion. I wasn't sure she understood fully, but I wished she could answer me. A pokemon like that would know what to say… she would be able to give me the pros and cons of Silver, simply because she was capable of simplicity.

Silver was all closed up, he wouldn't let anyone on the inside of him and that made it extremely hard to judge. I had known him for three years and yet I still felt like a stranger when I saw him. It was like every battle, every conversation, everything we had in general back in Johto was just a stepping stone to that moment up in the forest a few hours ago.

He was flighty, I decided as the first touches of dawn made me screw up my eyes at the sky. Clouds were rolling in, so by midday we wouldn't be seeing the sun at all. I hated Kanto for being so bipolar in its weather.

Skarmory nudged me again. "Scrraaaaooo…."

"Don't worry girl, it's not as bad as it seems." I tried to smile, but it felt like my face was twisting inside out. My teeth felt too small beneath my lips, which meant I wasn't wearing a grin nearly as big as I normally did. "I'm fine." I assured her when her eyes narrows suspiciously. Sometimes I felt as though this pokemon was trying to mother me.

And the fact that she indeed knew I was not fine didn't help. She plucked at the tiny flips of hair on the back of my neck gently and made a sound nearly like purring. I rolled my eyes and shooed her aside. "Skarmory…"

She drew back, mockingly ashamed. Had her expression read anything other than honest worry I would have scolded her gently, but my heart wasn't in it.

I turned back to look out across the railing at the sleeping city. Street lights would be turning off any second now, and the fiery sun in the distance made it hard to feel as exhausted as before. The dream still haunted behind my eyes though, as I leaned and waiting with Skarmory at my side.

What could Silver possibly think of me? Why wouldn't I understand? The questions kept ringing in my ears, like the sound of a distant clock tower from the outskirts of this town. And more importantly, what had that dream meant?

Silver had gripped my hand so tightly that I couldn't move even if I had tried to. His hand had left blood over mine, perhaps a subconscious message; to one who would believe in all that nonsense I found it strangely accurate. Silver and I both had a target on our backs from the secret we shared. Silver had stolen a pokemon, a precious being that once belonged to one of the smartest men in the world. Professor Elm could have him arrested so fast it would make your head whirl.

And me, well I was keeping that secret… in a sense I had been covering Silver's footsteps and wiping away the trail of blood that lead to him for the last three years. Police had talked to me countless times, and even caught me staring in the eyes of a wanted poster once. They were suspicious, but never prying. I figured if they knew that I knew, they were only waiting for me to make a move first, so that they wouldn't have to take me down with their criminal.

Was that dream trying to tell me that no matter how much I "wouldn't understand" I was still a part of this whole thing? That no matter how innocent I was my hands were still bathed in blood?

I shook my head and buried my face in my arms on the cold railing, which wet with frost. My hair was wet and my hair stuck to my forehead. My face would have been flushed- it tended to do that easily in the cold.

I shook myself to clear my head, thinking that it wasn't as if Silver had actually killed anyone. Why should blood be a concern anyways? I wasn't protecting him against a murder; I was protecting him against a stolen pokemon… He was a thief not a killer.

And yet that dream seemed to be life or death for me.

With a heavy sigh I lifted my head to look up at my loyal metallic bird. She was eyeing me carefully, with her strong face patient and careful. I blinked as kindly as I could.

"You remember Silver right?" I whispered to her, knowing she did from the countless battles we had together.

She agreed with a tight little chirp.

I pushed myself up and looked out across the city. People were just now starting to emerge from the darkness of their houses. I saw the lights of the pokemart flicker on, and the sound of generators as the gym with the ridicules amount of neon and trickery came to life. The streetlights did just turn off, and just like that the world was changed into something of excitement rather than peace.

"Go find Silver." I whispered under my breath, thinking that maybe this was a stupid idea and that if she didn't hear I wouldn't repeat myself. Wasn't it stupid of me to be so concerned? What did it matter anyways? Silver obviously wanted nothing to do with his past or with me. He had made that perfectly clear…

But Skarmory was sharp, and her acute hearing was far beyond my soft whisper. She heard, and she heard clearly. I couldn't bring myself to look over at her as she prodded my shoulder again, as reassurance once more before ruffling up her feathers beneath her metal plating and jumping from the railing into the crisp dawn air.

For a fraction of a second I wondered if this was just some huge mistake that wasn't meant to happen.

But then I reassured myself that if Silver and I had met up again after a year of not seeing each other…

Then this all had to be for something.

…

Hey guys~ artist comments here! I would like to share with you some artwork I have done for this story (and I promise its pretty good). Here is a link to the drawing for the first chapter

http:/w0lf-61(dot)deviantart(dot)com/#/d50iu17

replace those (dot)s with real periods and then put in it your search bar!

Here is a link to a picture for chapter 3 too (this one is my favorite)

http:/w0lf-61(dot)deviantart(dot)com/#/d50v6iw

thanks again!


	4. Chapter 4

~Silver~

A hot shower… that was all I needed. Something to take away the chills of the night and calm the achiness of my back and shoulders. And yet I hated the idea of getting a hotel room in the only place that provided for one: the pokemon center. I had waited a while after storming off in the direction of the pokemon league gates, just to be sure that Gold was tucked into his room for the night. He didn't need to know that we would both be staying at the pokemon center. Especially if he was so determined to talk to me about everything that had happened.

Which was nothing now, I thought madly, scrubbing a whole handful of shampoo into my hair. The pokemon center provided you with quite a few bottles despite trainers merely passing through, and so I took to opportunity to waste as much of the stuff as I wanted. With long hair like mine, it felt good to have a fresh cleansing every now and again, and the smell of tea tree was overwhelmingly soothing.

Suds rolled down my back as steam flitted through the air. I promised myself that for tonight I wouldn't think about Gold or anything else at all. It was just me, in a pokecenter room at five or so in the morning, trying to get the most out of my stay before the sun came up and would distract me from sleeping. I needed sleep…

The hot water ran out moments after I was done rinsing myself off, and I was forced to step out into the chilly tile covered room. Mechanically I dried myself, shaking out as much of the water from my hair and then pulling it back so it wasn't hanging down on the back of my neck. I wrapped the towel back into place on the rack and slipped on a pair of boxers before opening the door and going out into the room.

Nothing special, just a bed and a small desk with a telephone and a pad of paper on it. The monotone walls were a little unsettling, and I couldn't bring myself to wonder why no one put up real curtains to block out the sun. If they really wanted to provide trainers some peace they would make these rooms as dark as they could be so we could all just sleep.

Despite it though, and the faint light coming through the near translucent shield by the window, I was asleep almost as soon as my head hit the pillows. No amount of light could change the fact that I was mentally and physically exhausted.

My dreams were short and strange, with the loitering presence of pokemon I had never seen before. Most of them looked the same, having only been a shadow, and they all shared the same toothy grin. I wasn't frightened of this however, I was a little confused, but by the time I was caught up in trying to figure it out it seemed it would all just change again. These were the kinds of dreams that you couldn't remember clearly no matter how hard you tried.

First it was pokemon, and then it was my manic father that haunted me, resulting in Professor Elm with his hand pointed in my direction, holding the square butt end of a hand gun. I flinched at that, and it perhaps even brought some of the daylight to my eyes. I remembered turning over, and in the same movement falling back to sleep to find Gold.

Gold, of course it was Gold. Hadn't I said this before? It was always Gold…

And he was there in front of me with tears streaming down his face and a silent wail caught in his open mouth. I could see a hopelessness in his stare, and the bloodshot whites of his eyes looked strained. He had handcuffs around his wrists, and blood dripping from where they had cut into his skin. At that moment I froze, jerked myself in an odd half asleep-half awake kind of way, and forced back my lids.

My heart was sinking in my chest when I realized that Gold was innocent. Regardless of what I had done or he hadn't done, Gold didn't deserve to suffer from my secrets. I knew this, no matter how much I didn't want to believe it.

Sighing I glanced at the clock on the table beside the bed. It was nearing, which explained my snarling stomach. When was the last time I had a decent meal? I couldn't remember as I shuffled the blankets off of me and slid my feet to the dusty hotel room floor. I could spare myself some money for some nutrition, I probably needed it more than anything else. Every time I moved it seemed I felt lightheaded, an effect that happened to me as long as I could remember when I needed sugar.

I got dressed slowly, slipping each leg into my casual jeans and then pulling on my most worn—but still somehow decent looking—long sleeve shirt. It was black with red stitching, and fit my snug around the waist and shoulders. The neck line was a little stretched out, but I could make do with that.

My belt came second to last, as I latched on the seatbelt buckle and shifted so that the pokeballs were perched just to the left of my crotch. I had always assumed I put them there so no one would try to reach for them, but realized not long ago that it wasn't always this way. It was the affects of being left handed that got the belt in that position. I realized how awkward it felt to grab them with my right hand after one time shifting the belt too far in a hurry.

I gripped the ends of my thin leather gloves and stretched them on, feeling more like latex to me than anything else. I knew they could loosen up a bit once I got my hands moving and the material warm, but it was always a pain to put them on. Grunting I turned to gather my things and head out.

The town was alight with excitement. Strangers and trainers alike were busy mustering up the last bit of warmth to battle with pokemon, while others merely sat on the benches outside of shops chattering like pidgey. At this time of year people tended to get restless, with nothing more than desire to last them until the warm season again. I had grown up watching the faces of trainers change in the cold season. Like the leaves in the fall, they would slowly fade and fall.

I watched now, looking at the lack of busy trainers heading for the gym that was run by someone names Green. An expert trainer, I thought with a huff. I had beaten him a while ago, though it hadn't been my last badge to gather in Kanto. It was actually by mere mistake. We had run into each other up the route over three months ago, when summer was still around and hot. He had been exhausted, I had been ornery from the heat, and in the mix of the moment Feraligatr had erupted from his ball to challenge the leader himself. What a moment that had been.

Those young trainers in the summer must know better than to challenge someone like Green without experience, I thought mildly. He was tough with his specialty ranging in anything strong, rather than a specific type like the other leaders. He knew what he was doing.

I wondered if Gold ever beat the gym leader, and then shook the thought from my mind. What did Gold have to do with any of this anyways? Why did he keep creeping up into my mind?

With a low, internal moan I walked on, ignoring the bustle of businessmen heading for the shops down the main street. There was a coffee shop that I knew of in this town, run by a family with two twin daughters and a younger brother. They were nice people, I had learned from the first time I was there, so I decided to return again often before my outings in the Viridian forest.

They knew me all too well, so when the little chime at the top of the door rang and the eyes of the servers and customers turned to me, my name was called.

"Silver!" it was one of the daughters. The one with the long stick straight, chestnut brown hair. The other one preferred to dye hers blond, though I had no clue why anyone would want such a monstrosity of a color, I tried not to judge, my hair was dark red after all.

"Hey." I murmured, walking up to the main counter. An ancient cash register clinked to life as she pressed the button, ready to take the money I normally had ready to go.

"It's been a while?" she asked, eyes squinting in that kind of ridicules grinning way. Her cheek bones would raise and her eyebrows would come down. "Where have you been?"

"It's been a week." I commented, glancing at the case of fresh baked breads and croissants. "That isn't so long."

"Where you in the forest?"

I was about to answer her but she cut me off.

"Oh, sorry there is a line forming!" she shooed the previous question away. "What can I get you?"

I ordered the usual coffee with cream and caramel and a piece of their pound cake quickly and gave her the money. I usually gave them good tips here, so I told her to keep the change even though it was ten pokedollers. She thanked me twice before saying she would have Duke—the younger and clumsy brother—bring it over to me.

I normally would have just taken it to go, but the crisp cold air outside was making the warmth feel great. Plus I had no where important to be, no plans to make, and no reason to refuse the empty booth for two in the far side of the coffee shop. I sat down and stared out the window, thinking for a long moment about the things that had happened to me the other day, and the foggy dreams I had last night.

Was I really that guilty? Not about stealing my pokemon—no, about Gold being part of it? Why did I care so much about the fact that he knew. It was his choice whether he wanted to turn me in or not, so why should I be concerned? If he really wanted to, he would have done it by now.

So I had to let myself believe that he just flat out didn't want to tell anyone. Maybe he thought it was too personal to share a secret of someone else's, or maybe he figured it was hard enough on me to live with my guilt. A thought passed my mind for a short second. What if Gold wasn't telling on me because he thought I was suffering MORE dealing with this guilt? Did he think it was worse of a punishment for me to deal with it myself than to let the police simply lock me away and take my license?

I was sick with the thoughts by the time Duke brought over the coffee and pound cake. He was all smiled, with his stupid apron on twisted, and that annoying little Furret on his shoulder. It was smaller than any wild Furret I had ever seen, and he claimed it was because it evolved too soon, but I knew the pokemon must just have something wrong with it.

"How you been Silver?" he asked, taking a moment to stand at the side of the table and grin. "Catch anything in the forest?"

He always asked me the same thing, what with his fifteen year old desire to be a trainer. I had to assume after a while of coming here, that the family wouldn't let him leave to go on his journey because they needed help around the shop. Part of me felt bad, and the other part couldn't help but think it was much safer here for such a goofy kid.

"I don't go there to catch pokemon." I picked at a piece of the cake and let the cinnamon crumble around my fingertips before sticking it in my mouth. I chewed and swallowed quickly. "I just go there… to…zone out." I knew such a naïve person wouldn't see the double meaning behind those words.

He merely shrugged and changed the subject. "By the way I was going to ask you… you haven't seen any Linoone there have you?"

"Hmm?" I put another piece of cake in my mouth and shook my head. "Those pokemon don't live in Kanto."

"Oh." Was all he said, and then perhaps seeing my annoyance, shuffled away, mumbling something about have a good day.

I shook my head and turned my attention back to the window. He was a good kid, I decided. A little off about something's, a little more or less of a school dropout, but still a good kid. And he knew how to make food worth eating, I added to myself, trying to be distracted with the tastes while I fought off other topics that dare not enter my coherent-ness.

The coffee shop was full, so the constant babble of noise was easy enough to retreat to; though straining your ears to hear someone talk without actually looking at them was a challenge. I shifted my ears to the closest people around me, catching little bits and pieces of conversation here and there. Most consisted of "she said what?" and "I couldn't do it…" and "never!"

Since when did this place turn into a gossip house for middle aged women? I pulled my coffee cup closer and traced the top of it with my index finger, knowing that it would burn me if I tried to drink it now. I was about to give up on eavesdropping when I heard something interesting.

"Mt. Silver is too high. You can't breathe at the very top." A female voice was saying.

"No, no you don't know! I met someone, someone who went there to challenge the great Red. He didn't win… but he was at the top and he made it down alive."

Of course you could breathe up there, I added silently. Red wasn't some alien from another planet, he needed oxygen like the rest of us.

"That's just a story." The girl insisted in her loud voice. "There is no Great Red at the top of the mountain anyways."

Wrong again, I rolled my eyes. The "great" Red also happened to be the kid who dismantled my father and team Rocket here in Kanto years ago. Hadn't she seen the newspapers and the television reports? I had actually seen Red in person… once before he was famous and powerful. He battled my father's right hand man in his office while I cowered under a corner desk. At the time I had been afraid, though now I realized that Red was nothing to fear.

Red was motivation. Red was the drive and strive that made all young trainers want to be the best they could be. Red was what made eager teens—like that boy defending himself right now—want to travel to the mountain and press their luck against the strongest trainer in the world. Red wasn't merely a champion, no, Gold was a champion. Red was a legend.

"Well if you just bring the right pokemon with you, anyone can survive." The boy spoke, and I realized I had missed part of that conversation. I strained to hear again, managing one short flicker in their direction. They were inclined towards each other, hands strew out and fingers knotted together on the table.

"Why don't you go try it out huh?" the girl laughed humorlessly. "I'd like the see the look on your face when you realized just how impossible it is."

"Nothing is impossible."

"To hell with that!"

"You just suck at training!"

"You just want to leave me and go to that stupid mountain!"

"Hey! HEY!" Duke—loud and bellowing Duke—called the shop to silence and told the young teens to act civilized or get out. I had to admit, that in a moment like that, he seemed plenty capable of handling pokemon. The Furret on his shoulder stood up tall and made a sharp chattering noise as well. They made a good team.

"Fine." The girl god up then and stormed out, leaving the boy in confusion.

His flushed face seemed to turn white and sickly. "Baby wait!" he called to his girlfriend and ran out of the shop, leaving his half drank coffee on the table. I watched him go in slight amusement, wondering why relationships always looked or sounded so hard. If they were so complicated why did anyone want to be in them anyways?

He shouldered his way past two waitresses and a table with enormous people nearly breaking the chairs to the front entrance. The door with the bell chimed and in the same instant that he went to rush out, another unexpected victim was walking in. He was butted out of the way before walking in.

And I gasped.

Not quite loud enough for the people around me to hear, but hard enough to make the coffee I had been about to sip suck up through my windpipe and go down the wrong way. I turned my face down in disgust and started up in a fit of coughing against my sleeve. My face turned red and my ears felt hot as the whole side of the shop looked over at me to see if I was dying. It sure sounded like it.

I brought my teary eyes up in time to nod at the daughter who took my order earlier, so she wouldn't call an ambulance or worse—yell across the room to ask me if I was ok. That was all I needed, more attention drawn on me.

As if that would make a difference anyways…

Gold had walked in, and he had seen me. Skarmory was perched on his shoulder, gripping the material of a leather jacket with sharp talons. The bird seemed to be focusing on me as I tried to hide my face with my hand.

Here we go again, I thought bitterly, wondering if I could make a run for the door and make it. Probably not. There were too many people in here blocking the way. That and Gold was already paying at the counter and turning in my direction. I groaned and hid my face in my arms on the table.

"What do you want?" I groaned as his footsteps sounded on the pale wood floor and his Skarmory crooned in a devious kind of way.

Gold called her back into her pokeball before answering. "I thought maybe you coughed up a lung right there." He mumbled. It had meant to sound like a joke, but the fact that our last encounter wasn't exactly friendly, it was pained.

I turned my face up at him and scowled, finding it harder to glare than usual. "I'm fine." I bit back bitterly.

He just looked down at me, an awkward silence making his golden eyes twitch. I had to look away, and found my coffee suddenly very interesting.

And then he sat down across from me, inviting himself. I hung my head in slight desperation. "Gold I—

"We don't have to talk about it." He cut me off and wouldn't look at me. His hands folded casually in between us, and he stared at the gentle curves of his knuckles. They were scarred from years of battling.

I stared, exasperated. "You're kidding right?"

His face was flushed from the cold and there was a slight remaining chill in his voice. "No…"

Another awkward silence.

"I've known you for three years… and I…" he was struggling to find the right words, while gritting his teeth in attempts to keep them from clacking together. I noticed how strained his knuckles where too.

"I don't feel like i… KNOW you… You know?"

My upper lip curled in distaste. "You know more about me than anyone else does." He almost flinched at the words, but his coffee came over at the convenience of my retort. He ignored it and focused on the smoldering drink.

"Thank you." He mumbled—was his voice a little hoarse?—at the second sister with the blond hair that had brought it.

"No problem sweetie!" she flashed him a bleached smile and tiptoed off.

"It's too early for high heels." Gold whispered when she was out of earshot.

I glanced at the watch on my wrist. "It's one." Had I really wasted that much time sitting in this shop?

Gold managed a small but unenthusiastic smile. "I guess I never liked them much then. It makes girls walk like Psyduck."

"Don't tell her that." I huffed and brought my cup up to my lips to take a drink. It was nearly room temperature now. I knew from experience that the blond sister was a bit much to handle. She was a flirt to say the least. She hiked her skirt up and ripped her leggings on purpose to get attention. And not only that, but everything about her was fake. Fake blond hair, fake tan, fake eye lashes, and fake nails.

"I wouldn't give her the satisfaction…" Gold shook his head and bent to drink take a sip. I could have warned him… but I wasn't that nice.

He jolted back with a flinch, making a little splotch of coffee hit the table. I almost cracked a smile.

"You'd think they were giving us lava." He scowled, reaching to the left to take a napkin. He dabbed at the old wood table quickly and then set it on my empty plate.

I took another drink of mine.

"So…" Gold peered up at me through his eyelashes, his finger tracing the ring of his mug as mine had done a moment ago. He looked nervous. "Why did you come to Kanto?"

I blinked at him. Was this just a sad attempt at trying to have normal conversation with someone? I couldn't understand how things could change so dramatically between Gold and I since last night. I had almost hit him for fallowing me in that dark tunnel, even though it was the only way out. We weren't exactly on speaking terms, and so I was a little bewildered.

And not to mention, no one had ever asked me that before. Even though I had assured myself with the answer plenty of times I couldn't bring myself to tell him. He should know that I was fleeing the region of Johto because of him… because he had the ability to report me for the stolen pokemon.

His honey eyes were prying, holding my gaze waiting for an answer.

I sniffed indifferently. "I was born here."

He looked surprised.

"You don't think I would steal a pokemon in my own region do you?" I challenged halfheartedly, only to realize that I had brought up the subject I was trying to avoid. I bit my tongue and slapped myself internally. "Besides… the weather in Johto sucks."

"What?" Gold scoffed instantly. "It's consistent in Johto. Not here where it's snowing one day and sunny the next."

"That's Johto you're talking about." I insisted. How could he believe that Kanto was inconsistent? "It rarely gets past ninety here in the summer." I shook my head. "Unlike Johto, were the sun kills the grass."

"It doesn't get below thirty in the winters there." He tipped his head down to take another small sip. It was still steaming, judging by his slight flinch. But not unbearable. He drank delicately.

I rolled my eyes, thinking to myself that we were talking about the weather. The fucking weather! Of all things…

"Gold, I have to go." I swallowed the way his name sounded on my tongue as well as the last mouthful of my coffee, and went to stand up. Of course I really didn't have anywhere to go… except maybe back to the forest to let my pokemon run around and burn off some steam for a while, but it felt like more of a hassle than a peaceful outing like it used to be.

"Wait!" Gold insisted, ready to grab my shirttail. I made sure to flash him a look of hate before pausing. We stared at each other, maybe while the rest of the shop stared as well, but we wouldn't have noticed. He was blinking, too much, too nervously.

"What… what do you plan to do?" he asked finally, when it seemed as though I wasn't about to make a run for it.

I racked my brain for anything that would keep him away from me. It was too easy to say I was going to the forest; he would fallow me with any intentions. And to say I was heading north to the next city would mean I would actually have to go, and that was probably the direction he was headed in the first place. I thought perhaps maybe going back to Johto would be an option, but after just making it clear I didn't enjoy the place, I was sure he wouldn't believe me.

I flipped through places in my mind. Maybe another region all together? Sinnoh was an option, or Unova. But they were both too far. Besides I didn't want to leave this region, and I shouldn't have to because of Gold. Was I just going to keep running forever?

It hit me then, and I knew exactly where to go… It would be a very long commute and a dangerous journey but I didn't doubt myself. Not to mention I was almost positive that Gold hadn't the time or patients to travel so far.

And now that I thought about it… I had always wanted to go. And with my pokemon as strong as they were I knew that I would be ok…

With a soft snort I turned my back to Gold and began to walk away. "Mt. Silver." I threw back at him. "I'm going to Mt. Silver."


	5. Chapter 5

~Gold~

"Are you crazy?" I abandoned my smoldering drink and fallowed Silver as he weaved his way past the staring guests of the coffee shop. Most everyone had heard when I called out for him to wait, and I couldn't help but think that perhaps they had the wrong idea. Honestly, who would be thinking that two guys having coffee together was because of their past and the secrets they shared? No one knew just how important it suddenly was for me to understand why Silver did the things he did.

I knew there was a reason and I was determined to find out. Even if that meant backing off and trying to actually be friends with him. I wasn't sure what to think of that though, it seemed it was no longer me thinking rationally. Had this been three years ago I would have just let it all go. But my determination was spiking lately.

"Going to that mountain in the winter is the dumbest thing you could do! Its suicide!" I caught the door and followed Silver on the way out. The chilly air was ripening the skin around my nose and making it raw from running. I felt a little hot and cold at the same time. "No one goes in the winter! People barely go in the dead of summer!"

"What does it matter to you?" Silver turned then and rounded on me. "Are you going to stop me?"

I grit my teeth together. Why was I concerned with this anyways? It wasn't as if he would tell me his reasons here now or anything. It wasn't as if he was planning on telling me after his life or death chance taking. It shouldn't have mattered… I knew that but for some reason it did.

Honestly, if Silver died without vindicating anything he did… I would crumble to pieces. I couldn't keep a secret of the dead; it was hard enough to with the living!

But how could I just tell Silver that? That the reason I cared about him being alive was because I wanted to know what he was thinking three years ago when he stole a pokemon from Professor Elm. That made me sound selfish… But then again, saying that I cared about him being alive would have sounded creepy.

Because I didn't…

Didn't I?

"I didn't think so." He muttered after my silence and began to walk away.

"I will battle you!" I stated in a sudden burst of confidence. "If you can't beat me then there is no way you can beat that mountain…" my heart started to beat faster in my chest. The thrill of battle hadn't gripped us in over a year. How was I to know what kind of knew pokemon or strategies he might have? And I HAD been slacking a little bit lately… what if his pokemon were stronger than mine?

But if he could beat me…

Maybe then Mt. Silver wasn't going to be as challenging to him as I would think…

I shook my head clear of the thought. No… no way was a below zero mountain ever going to be a safe or unchallenging place for anyone. I didn't know how the mysterious Red survived up there (if him being up there wasn't a myth) and I wasn't sure I wanted to find out. And still the curiosity prickled beneath my fingertips.

There was a constant "what if. What if" running through my mine and I couldn't shake it.

"I have nothing to prove to you." Silver growled and tried to keep walking. His pace was slowed though. Was that fear in his voice? It brought back a flood of déjà vu, and knowing that he still feared losing to me was actually kind of refreshing.

"Are you scared?" I couldn't help it, I was desperate. I needed to know why… that stupid dream had me all worked up and I knew, somehow in a strange way, I just knew that Silver and I had some sort of further connection. Our secrets, his lies… they were joined together, they effected us both.

"Scared of battling you?" at first I thought he might turn back and punch me in the face.

A rock seemed to lodge itself in my windpipe and I couldn't say anything.

"You must be pretty stupid if you think I'm afraid of you." His voice was icy. "And if you want a  
battle then fine, you've got one."

Something told me that this wasn't going to be the same kind of battle I thought it was going to be. I bit my lower lip and opened my mouth to say something—not sure what—but something to respond back and show that I wasn't quivering with fear myself. There was a metallic glint in those silver eyes, and like in my dream, I couldn't look away.

"Tonight, at midnight." Silver declared. "Meet me at the start of route twenty eight."

My stomach did a strange little hiccup as he turned his back to me again and walked away, this time without hesitation. He was confident...but he was isolated as well.

Something told me this would be the battle of my lifetime.

…

My stomach was hiccupping horribly all day and evening as I waited for the clock to roll around to midnight. I couldn't explain why I was so terrified this time, when never before was I nervous about battling before, but it was as if I was I knew things had changed since the last time. Silver wasn't nearly as mislead and easy to read as he was three years ago when we first met. One huge, gaping hole of emotions had sealed over since then and I knew it was deadly.

After getting ready too early and waiting too long, I finally decided that it would be a good idea to leave. It was eleven thirty and I knew that I would be early, but perhaps Silver would too. We could get this over with quickly, and maybe then my twitching eyes and jittery hands would stop.

My pokemon were well rested and prepared. I had taken them outside of the city for a little while to do a practice run, and all went well. They actually seemed more ready for this than I was.

And the more I thought about it, the more I realized that it wasn't because of battling that I was afraid, but it was because of the chance of losing. What if I somehow couldn't beat Silver? And he DID go to Mt. Silver? What would I do then? Latch onto his ankles and hope he didn't kick me while trying to get away?

I swallowed hard as route twenty eight came into view. Frost dusted the clearing leading up to the mountains entrance, and I could see that more snow was on the way. Leaves, so used to the cold, where starting to retreat into a hibernation for the season. The pine trees stood tall looming, the ponds had a layer of ice making them appear safe when they weren't, and the moon was well hidden away.

Surely this whole mountain was going to pounce. That's how it felt, while I stared up at the very top. It came to a gentle cone shape and I could see the outline of a single huge (but tiny from where I stood) tree with twisted branches. I swallowed, imagining that tree as the heart of the mountain.

Such a wild and untamed place that so many people tried to conquer, only to fail. As a trainer, I myself vowed one day that I would climb the cliffs and scale the walls to the top. Through wind and sleet and snow I had promised myself that I would reach the Red and challenge him to the battle of the century. I wanted to beat him… I wanted to let him stand aside and take the reins on such a powerful place.

This was Red's mountain now… and one day it would be mine. I held tight to that childish impulse as I crunched through the grass and shivered. How unbelievably small I felt down here… No wonder the champion never came down, it must feel like you are literally the king of the world when you could stand at the top. And who didn't want that kind of power?

Certainly Silver wouldn't… I was trying to convince myself that he wouldn't want that type of fame. Silver preferred to stay under the radar, so what use would climbing this mountain have for him?

I hadn't yet thought of a reasonable explanation before suddenly he was there in front of me, standing like a shadow under the dim nights glow. His red hair was dark auburn, his silver eyes glinting, and his hand gripping a pokeball with tight knuckles. I flinched at the sight, but walked up to him anyways.

The wind blew with it the first flakes of snowfall, and they stuck to the hood of his jacket and my hair. I was near freezing, with icy hands even through my gloves. I felt small when I saw Silver, and suddenly this whole thing just wasn't a good idea. It was too cold… too dangerous. I didn't want to face the fact that if I lost Silver would leave and die in this damn mountain.

"Are you ready?" he mumbled very softly to me, which made a chill roll up my spine. I stopped in front of him and stared into his eyes, noticing that he was a slight bit taller than me.

"We don't have to do this."

Obviously he took it the wrong way though… because his eyes flashed and his teeth gritted tightly before he spoke. "This was your idea, your bet and you're not going to back out."

I tried to remember the easiest it had ever been when battling Silver, only to find that it had never been easy. And neither would this time.

"Right." I ran a hand threw my hair, shaking out the snow. "I'm ready." I said, but I wasn't.

"Our whole team." Silver muttered as he backed up and away from me. I moved as well, thinking this was stupid, this was so stupid. Our whole team… just like always and yet it was so much more antagonizing this time. My feet were unsteady as the distance grew between us, creating our battlefield; and then I turned to face him.

He looked so confident. And I felt so scared. My hand was literally shaking as I reached down to grab my first pokeball.

"Alright Mamoswine." I took a deep breath. "You're up first."

Mamoswine was my power house pokemon. He had no fear, I assumed do to his outrageous size, and it took a lot to bring him down. One of his shoulders was the size of my Typhlosion alone, so you get the point. He was a tank with a temper and wicked ice attacks that would chill you to the bone. Not to mention his brute force. I counted on this pokemon all the time and it never let me down.

It arose, a mountain itself, from the pokeball and roared, rattling the rocks and shaking the leaves. Tusks glinting in the low light and eyes as black and deep as the shadows made it look more like something of a demon. The ground begged for mercy as he walked.

"Alakazam!" Silver shouted suddenly, and it seemed as though the world went up in battle. The psychic type landed instantly and shot forward, using speed to disorient Mamoswine. "Future sight!" Silver yelled, but it was barely heard.

A very pissed off pokemon of such mass wasn't what you wanted to face, so when Alakazam obeyed the attack it gave him the chance to trap him. I called for an earthquake, bracing myself, and waited.

Mamoswine reared, its huge legs coming up and crashing down and making the world tremble. Power… that was the only way to describe such a pokemon. My legs always turned to jello under me when he did that, so I could only imagine what it felt like being that much closer. The city surely felt a tremor from here.

Alakazam screeched in surprise and was fighting to bring itself up off the ground. The pain was clear as day on its face, but the determination was as well.

"Focus blast!" Silver yelled from across the clearing. He was gripping a nearby tree for support.

Focus blast? Since when did Alakazam have that attack! I was shocked into leaving Mamoswine to defend by himself. My voice wouldn't come as the ball of red and yellow and flecks of snarling pink came from the hands of a psychic master. It was easily as large as the pokemon itself, and growing bigger and bigger as it was launched. The ground stopped shaking, and the trees fell quiet for a moment, only to be blown back with such force that pine needles and chips of ice showered me.

"Mamoswine!" There was no way… he never fell at a single blow. "Come on! Get up!"

Heaving, the great beast forced himself to his feet. Blood was dripping from a shallow raw patch of skin on his face. He groaned and thundered up, anger giving him strength.

"Use take down!" I ordered, hoping he could work up the speed. Alakazam was worn looking from summoning such an attack, so I figured that this would work. Mamoswine could be fast after all, but it took a while to get there.

Unfortunately… Alakazam was skilled. And that first sacrifice of an attack, future sight, was now in full swing. I yelled, but no sound was made, because a terrible ringing had caused the sound barrier to stop almost all at once. It was the sound of time travel in a sense, and it all came reigning down on my beast.

Alakazam's not that strong! I was screaming to myself. Alakazam has always been Silver's weakest pokemon!

And here it had taken down my pokemon… the god of my team. I clutched at my jacket and swallowed hard, not sure whether to really call him back or not. It just didn't seem like Mamoswine could really be down…

Had I been slacking lately? More so than I thought? Were my pokemon really losing their bite? Fury shot through me at the thought. Silver had never beaten me before and I wasn't about to put an end to my winning streak!

"Return!" I hissed and ripped the next ball from my belt. I would just have to fight psychic with psychic. "Girafarig!"

My dimwitted, inconsistent, gullible, and sweet as hell pokemon. Every time I had to call the Girafarig out I flinched a little on the inside. Not because I didn't like the pokemon, or because it wasn't powerful, but because for a psychic type you would assume he be extremely intelligent. And he wasn't…

Not in the slightest… sometimes I actually thought the only brain controlling him was the one in his tail's head. It had taken months to get him to get him to understand the values of attacking in battle, and more to break him from his silly and too happy nature.

"Use psychic!" I nearly begged, seeing as though a second after I called him out he bent his head to sniff at the frosty grass, completely oblivious to Alakazam.

To my relief his broad head came up and almost naturally his eyes flashed blue light. The Alakazam may be strong, but he wasn't nearly as prepared for this as he was for Mamoswine's attacks. He looked baffled—him and Silver both actually—at my choice of pokemon.

I breathed a sigh of relief when the attack hit and sent Alakazam to a writhing stop on the cold ground. Girafarig stomped his feet in happiness and bayed at his victory, all too proud of himself.

Silver looked pissed.

"GENGAR!" he threw the next ball, and I slapped a hand over my face, wondering if it would be worth it to switch out now.

Girafarig took it upon himself to prance forward though, and without orders he tried to launch another attack. This would have been ok, if it wasn't for the fact that Gengar was fast and mean. The heartless pokemon grinned a toothy grin and lifted its arms to bring forth a shadow ball. Silver didn't try to stop him, which made me wonder if he had forgotten that Girafarig was also a normal type.

"Psychic!" I snarled while given the chance. Gengar tried to launch an attack, but it simply passed right through my pokemon.

"Gengar!" Silver yelped, angry at his Pokémon's choice of attack.

A ringing cut through the air as my pokemon landed another fatal hit. I had to admit, despite how goofy and absent minded Girafarig was, he knew how to aim. Critical, again, I thought pleasantly as the mass of blackness and yellow eyes shrunk to the ground and trembled.

Two to one. This was more like it. The familiar taste of victory lined my stomach and all the cold of the night disappeared. I felt like I was on fire now. Brilliant fire.

"You can give up now Sil—

I was cut off by the sound of his third pokemon, squealing like a demon. She dashed forward, having no patients and no desire to wait for a command. Silver's face was smug, even before he knew what I was going to say.

"Girafarig look out!" I tried to warm him, but that stupid tail of his was trying to eat the stalks of grass just out of reach. Distraction was that Pokémon's worst enemy.

Sneasel, slashed open the flank of my pokemon, and sent blood spilling upwards. Just like that my pokemon fell, perhaps too dazed and confused to realize what had happened, maybe still thinking about its tail eating grass while its back was turned. I wailed and called him back instantly, before loss of blood or another attack would kill him.

I was fidgeting inside, not knowing that I could win and hoping perhaps that Silver would just call it quits now. I couldn't let him go into that mountain.

"Come on Ty." I took a shaky breath and whispered to my pokeball. "You've beaten Sneasel plenty of times."

My first partner, my loyal Typhlosion, the one I had chosen over Silver's Feraligatr… He had become more than just my pokemon, he was my best friend. We laughed together, joked together, picked on each other in a way more suitable for two humans than a human and pokemon. And yet, his powers went far beyond any I had seen. Fire and heat so strong they could melt through metal, this was the pokemon I had raised from scratch.

Silver was smart, he knew this, and he wasn't so much of a hot-head to call Sneasel back. Good, I thought, he is still scared of Ty.

Or maybe he had just learned from previous battles.

Feraligatr was next, hateful and all jaws snapping and snarling and drooling with vengeance. It was the pokemon that was the root to all mine and Silver's secrets. It was this pokemon he had stolen so long ago, when it was just a Tododile.

I could have called back Typhlosion and sent out Jolteon, who would have fared way better, but it was too obvious of my fears. Ty had beaten Feraligatr before, why should this be any different?

"Double edge! Let's go!" I yelled, knowing Ty was extremely fast for his size. Way better than Feraligatr, at least on land.

"Drown it." Silver's icy tone reached me only in a whisper, and my stomach curled with horror. No! Don't drown it!

"Quick!"

Typhlosion stopped the attack in its tracks. It sounded like thunder, when fire met water and force and the two great pokemon went head at it. Rather than breaking apart for the next move, they stayed tussling together, arms and legs flailing and teeth gripping each other. Feraligatr was bigger, but Ty was slippery as an arbok in an oil slick. His fur was tight and bristly and lined with fire that stung to the touch.

"Get out of there!" I yelled at my pokemon, heart racing. Things took a turn for the worst when the blue beast latched its jaws around the back of my Pokémon's neck and chomped hard. I could hear a distinct crack, but above all was the horrible sizzling and steaming sound of my Pokémon's fire going out. Feraligatr had a waterfall flowing from his mouth onto the back of Ty.

"TY!"

Blood, fire, and water poured in a sad attempt at a battle, while my pokemon bellowed into the night and made nearby pidgey fly away in horror.

"Use your strength!" I begged as he tried to work up enough muscle to shove the pokemon off of him. Feraligatr had him pinned though, with his huge foot holding down Ty's back leg. "Fight! Fight!"

The water kept coming though, more and more and flooding the grass and indeed drowning my pokemon. I realized that suddenly this battle was not just for the sake of Silver going up the mountain, but it was suddenly personal. Feraligatr wanted my pokemon dead; it was clear as day in his eyes.

"STOP!" I howled. "PLEASE!"

Ty was limp now, done writhing and done fighting back, passed out beneath the waves.

"Feraligatr stop!" Silver barked.

"NOW!" I added, running across the clearing towards the two pokemon. At the sight of me Feraligatr turned his head up and released the back of Ty's neck. It looked for a split second like he was going to attack me, so I heaved a sigh of relief when a small line of red caught the beast and pulled it back into its pokeball.

I dropped at my sopping pokemon's side, putting my hands on his wide chest and feeling desperately. There had to be a heartbeat.

"Gold—I—

I shoved my head to his chest and trembled, praying that the water hadn't put out his fiery heart as well. Silver came over, solemn and ghostly, eyes lost in my panic. He looked at the pokemon in shame, knowing that Feraligatr shouldn't have done what he did. This battle wasn't meant to end like that. No pokemon was meant to die.

I grabbed my pokeball and clicked the button, heart thudding in my chest like the beat of a broken drum. The red line stood for a moment, flickering against Ty's fur and then finally it engulfed, held for another few seconds, and then managed to pull him back into the safety of the ball.

I was just so damn relieved that I couldn't summon up the strength to be angry. I laughed a shaky laugh and looked down at the old and beat up pokeball from three years ago. It had a once perfect flame carved in the front of it, but now it looked more like a splotch due to the chips and scratches. Tears threatened to push their way out of my eyes.

Silver looked at me in panic. "Gold I—

"I have to get him to the pokecenter." I choked, unable to swallow the cold and dry in my throat.

"I'm sorry… I didn't expect—

"It's fine Silver." I waved him away. I wasn't mad, just a little baffled by this whole thing. It wasn't as if I could even think about who won that battle, since I stopped it. I would have to save that self conversation for later, but for now it was all I could do to protect that ball in my hands. I glanced up at the colorless eyes looking down at me.

He offered me a hand up, probably more out of guilt than anything, and I took it greedily. With the way my legs were shaking I needed some support.

"Thanks." I muttered and turned to walk off. Mamoswine, Typhlosion, and Girafarig needed care and treatment as quickly as possible.

"I'll come with you." He stated.

"Don't worry about it." I couldn't tell if that was me being spiteful or me being honestly unconcerned with him. It felt weird in my stomach, and perhaps it was the desire to know what he was thinking that made me sound like I didn't really mean it.

"I have to heal my own as well." He walked a pace or so in front of me.

"Silver." I mumbled.

"Hmm?"

"Are you still going up the mountain?" I wasn't sure why, but it came out of my mouth anyways. Second next to getting my pokemon healed I had to know if he was still going through with this. As if that battle could have changed his mind… I didn't even win.

And I had to admit it to myself that my chances of winning after Ty lost weren't good.

"Yes." He answered softly.

"Why?" it was nearly a moan.

He didn't answer.

I just couldn't stand it. What kind of horror would he be facing alone up there? What if one of his pokemon had the same kind of painful treatment that Ty had from Feraligatr? What if he was too far away or too lost to know how to get back? What if one of his pokemon died out there because he wasn't able to care for them?

"Why does it matter to you?"

"What?"

"I said, why does it matter to you?" he repeated. It wasn't the fact that he asked me this again and I didn't have an answer, but it was the way he asked me. Like he really couldn't figure it out, and wanted to know badly.

But I didn't even know…

So I shrugged, trying to act like it was nothing, but playing around with new ideas in my head and thinking them even more crazy than the usual. Even more crazy than Silver wanting to climb the mountain himself. This once again, was not me speaking, but it was someone else, a small but mighty voice on the inside that was itching to come out.

He looked back at me, and I spoke.

"Well I don't know… but I do know that you're crazy for thinking you could do this alone."

He scowled, about to say something.

"So I'm coming with you."

"What?"

I glanced at his shocked silver eyes and blinked gently. "I'm. coming. With. You."


	6. Chapter 6

~Silver~

I really hated myself at the moment. Seeing as though my simple plan to get away from Gold had turned into a new dilemma. Mt. Silver was the most dangerous place in all of Kanto and Johto combined, and suddenly we would both be scaling it. And who was to say either of us would make it back alive. What was I thinking?

It wasn't as if I really, truly wanted to battle Red or anything. I was just simply curious about him. The real reason I wanted to go was because I didn't think that Gold would be stupid enough to fallow me there. I thought it would be the one place that I could escape to. I just wanted to be alone. I just wanted this all to be over.

And now it was impossible. Gold was set on coming with me. When I told him I would be fine, he would say I couldn't know that. When I said that I had my pokemon, he insisted on me not having a fire type to keep warm, or a flying type capable of providing an escape if necessary. I wanted to hit him upside the head, but I knew he was right.

Not to mention Feraligatr nearly killed his Typhlosion and I was terribly guilty.

I could have told him that I changed my mind and wasn't going up to that mountain, but he probably wouldn't believe me. It was suddenly a matter of pride more than anything, who was going to give in first and admit that this was all just a scheme? Gold must suspect something right? Did he really think I cared that much about scaling a mountain?

Neither of us said anything as we packed. We were in Gold's hotel room, stuffing clothes and supplies into our backpacks dreading the silence. It was awkward as ever, what with the sound of our feet shuffling about too loud. I couldn't believe this was happening. Only two days ago I was furious with Gold, and now he was going to be my travel partner.

Well maybe I could lose him in the mountain. Maybe I could take a night and go on ahead (or go back down) and leave him alone. I didn't need him; I didn't even want him there. Him or his pokemon…

Jolteon was curled up on the foot of the bed with her fur lying flat, all the needles soft and innocent—until you came within two feet of her. She would hear you and puff up and bare her teeth in the most defensive way possible. This would cause Skarmory to jab at the pokemon with a sharp beak, as if to tell her to be nice. The needles didn't affect a steel type like Skarmory, so Jolteon would let loose little zaps here and there. Finally the two broke apart and ignored each other.

I wondered why all of his pokemon suddenly seemed so much different to me. It was like before knowing them as opponents alone, I didn't feel anything for them. But seeing the way Typhlosion had almost been murdered by my own pokemon, I was taking the time to really pay attention to them. They were all so different, while my pokemon seemed to all have the same serious nature.

"Hey, Silver?" Gold's voice came from across the room. "Do you have room in your bag?" he tossed me a small towel and a roll of medical tape.

"Not for the towel." I murmured while shoving the tape into my bag.

He sighed.

"You don't have to do this." I bit back all sorts of curses and angry retorts about how stupid he was for wanting to do this.

"I know." He stood up straighter and ran a hand through his messy hair. He brushed the longest areas back out of his eyes. "But honestly, I don't think you should go alone."

I don't think either of us should go at all! I thought silently, but my pride refused to say anything aloud. I made such a big deal about going before that there was no backing out now. What could I have said? I didn't want him coming with me—I had tried that before and he gave me all these rational reasons.

I wanted to ask him what we were doing anyways. Not meaning about the mountain, but in general. I was pretty sure he was pushing eighteen, while I was a year older, and none of us seemed to be considering what else there was to life besides battles and being the best. At least that's how it seemed... But honestly? None of us had a house to call our own, none of us had a real job (though we both had enough money to survive two lifetimes without working), and none of us had anyone else but ourselves.

I was near positive that having anyone else to settle down with never even crossed Gold's mind. Had he ever even had a girlfriend before? I highly doubted it, he was too much of a trainer, letting his feet and heart lead him where he wanted to go, not a girl.

Suddenly a faint ringing came, the sound of a pokegear going off. Our eyes both turned to the bed. Jolteon looked beside her under the covers and scowled slightly, while Gold came over fumbling for the thing. He pulled it up and clicked the flashing button to silence the noise.

"Hey." He talked into it, looking as if he expected to have something come out of the phone and bite him.

"GOLD!" a high pitched squealing voice came and made me flinch. No wonder Gold held it away from his ear.

"Hi Lyra, what is it?"

"I just wanted to say Hiiiiii."

I folded my arms across my chest and stared skeptically. Speaking of Gold not having a girlfriend… there was no way that Lyra was the one for him. She was too spasmodic, too… strange.

"Hi…" Gold sounded pained.

"Are you coming home today?"

"I never said I was coming home at all—

"OH I knew you didn't want to see us!" the pout was excruciating in her voice. "Your mom is just going to move to the city and then you will be sorry!"

"Lyra, you have to understand! I'm not living that life anymore. I don't need this guilt! My mom can make her own decisi—

She hung up, leaving Gold tongue tied and flustered. He brought the pokegear down in his hands and stared at it for a long moment, eyes glinting. His Jolteon pranced over and looked at the offensive device as if it had insulted him and she wanted to attack it.

"Lady trouble?"I asked with a slight twitch in my voice.

"Oh god no." Gold whirled to look at me. He was shocked that I would assume such things (even though I had to admit it was just to piss him off). "Lyra? Have you MET her?"

I shrugged. "I saw her from time to time, but it's that little pet of hers that I hate more."

Gold didn't say anymore, which made me wonder if it was a touchy subject for him. Even so I felt a strange nagging in the pit of my stomach. Why would it be such a big deal to me if his mother moved to the city? Or why would it matter if Lyra was his pain in the ass or not?

For the first time I could see the sorrow on his face, beneath the mask of happy he usually wore. And let me tell you, it wasn't easy to sit there and look at. An emotional detachment so thick you could cut it with a knife. My stomach twisted, and I sat at the edge of the bed a few feet from him, glancing over.

"Are you really worried about it?" I asked after a moment. My voice sounded strangled, even to me.

His honey eyes came up. "About what?"

He wasn't any good at pretending though.

"About your mother moving to the city?"

"Oh, well…I- I don't think I believe Lyra… my mom was born and raised in New Bark Town and so was I. How could she just abandon that? It looked like he was trying to convince himself more than me. I realized for a split second that I actually felt sorry for him…

After so long of envying him and being furious that he was stronger than me I felt strange. It was almost like, now that I knew I could win a battle against him, what more did I have? And his face was so flushed and his eyes betrayed the real grief there. All I could do was look away, knowing that he didn't belong on in that world anymore. He was a boy trying to escape, and strings kept pulling him back. Strings like Lyra.

"Well I guess that's one good thing about going to the mountain?" It sounded more like a question than a statement. "You won't have reception for your pokegear."

He cracked a small smile. "I'm going to piss so many people off."

"Then why do it?"

"Should I try and prove myself to people?" he challenged. "Should I care if they are pissed off about my decisions?"

I blinked at him awkwardly. "I care about what people think of my decisions…"

"Why? I think we sho— he stopped and realized just what I was talking about. "Oh…"

Of course I meant my decision to steal a pokemon three years ago. Every day the guilt got to me. It made me wake up hating myself, and wishing I could take it all back, but knowing I was much too selfish to give up the pokemon. If I didn't care what other people thought about my decisions, I wouldn't have the guilt because of it. If I didn't care that I caused Professor Elm pain and made Gold keep a secret for so long… if I didn't care than maybe I could have saved myself some pain, but that wouldn't have been fair.

"You're guilty." He said after a minute.

I nodded, but he didn't see it. His eyes were focused on his Jolteon, and scratching her gently under the chin. He sighed, perhaps wondering if now would be a good time to ask what I had been thinking when I stole the pokemon. I wondered, if he did ask, what would I tell him? All the answers seemed impossible to go into without telling him my whole back story about my wretched father and my fucked up childhood.

And that was something I was not ready to talk about. It would feel too much like trying to tell a therapist everything that was wrong with you. The sad excuse for why you were the way you were. I didn't think fondly of placing the blame on anyone else either. I wanted my mistake to remain my mistake.

Gold sighed again. "Well I guess we should go sleep for the night… We're leaving in the morning right?"

I nodded, wondering why, still unable to figure out why the hell I was doing this. To prove a point? Because I was too stubborn to admit defeat? With a heavy weight on my shoulders I picked up my backpack and pulled it on one side. The zippers clinked together softly filling the silence as I walked to the hotel room door.

"Goodnight." Gold murmured, in a voice so delicate I couldn't be sure I heard.

"Night." I whispered back.


	7. Chapter 7

~Gold~

I was up too early, preparing the final touches before we would be heading to Mt. Silver for the next who knows how long. Swathed in my heaviest jackets and two pairs of socks under my boots I was still cold, and the more I thought about it the more I was positive Silver was on drugs for wanting to do this. We would both die up there… I wasn't sure if it was avoidable anymore.

Viridian City had frozen over with snow and ice during the night, not long after our battle. The distant clouds had released their white slush across the town and made water freeze while dripping from the rooftops. It was the kind of snow that would soak through your clothes and have you terrible wet within just a few moments. Not to mention the wind was blowing directly in the way you had to go, so my hood kept getting blown back and my face was raw by the time I walked across the small courtyard to the main pokecenter building.

I couldn't sleep well at all, so I decided that maybe the only other person awake in this region could help me keep busy. I wanted to talk to Nurse Joy about perhaps certain medicines to bring with us, and maybe some tips if she knew any. I wasn't too hopeful, but it would be better than lying away staring at the stucco ceiling.

Shivering with nearly blue fingertips—why didn't I grab my gloves?—I pushed open the center door and walked in. The room was warm and stuffy, smelling of hot chocolate and medicine. I couldn't tell if it was a good smell or not, but it wasn't unpleasant. No, the smell of ice on pavement was unpleasant.

I walked up to the sleeping looking Nurse at the counter. Her eyes were sagging as she read up on her pokemon care, an open highlighter in her hand, probably drying out while she dozed. MY feet were nearly silent as I approached her, so I cleared my throat a little to get her attention.

Her eyes jolted wide and she was scrambling to her feet. "OH yes! What—is it a pokemon? Hurt?" her hands and eyes searched for a potential injured pokemon. It took her a second to realize that it was me from earlier who was standing here. I guess if you never expected anyone to come in the middle of the night the only thing you could assume was that it was an emergency. Plus I had already been in here once earlier.

"Oh, Hello Gold, I'm afraid your pokemon aren't quite healed yet. Your Typhlosion really got hurt. You should learn to battle more carefully next time. And don't put weak types against the ones stronger than it! And why would you be battling in this cold anyways? Do you know how hurt you could have gotten? Or your poor pokemon!"

I flinched back at her retorts, thinking that it had to be because I startled her into embarrassment. Any pokemon Nurse was absolutely disgusted with the idea of sleeping on the job, so I couldn't blame her. But still…

My plan backfired then, and I knew I could never talk to her about going up to Mt. Silver now. In the turning point of winter when everything started to grow slick with ice and the temperature got well below zero. What a stupid little person it was growing inside of me. That old Gold that used to make rational decisions was being taken over by new Gold, stupid and arrogant and confused. I hated him, that little say so sitting on my shoulder. How dare he…

"I'm sorry Nurse Joy, I know… I know… I won't." I added when necessary and let her rant until she collapsed back in her chair, hand over her sweaty forehead and eyes closed.

"Sorry, I just hate seeing pokemon hurt in the winter. It's too dangerous. This town doesn't fair well in the cold."

I would have to agree with her, but I thought so silently. She was a fusspot.

"Nurse… excuse me, but umm…" a young girl walked up behind me and I jumped in surprise. When had anyone else come in? I took a step back from the counter, glad to have a way to get away from Nurse Joy's scowls and accusations.

"Who are you?" Nurse snapped, a little on edge. Maybe she was getting sick herself. The girl looked slightly taken back, but too much worry lined her face to mask the anger.

"Kira, I dropped off my Linoone earlier." She reminded with an edge to her tone. "You said she would be done by this morning."

"And look at the time, its only four. The morning here mean when the sun rises, ok? Come back in an hour or so." Joy turned her wheelie chair around and her back to us. I bit my lower lip as she turned on the ancient computer and started scrolling.

"Well that was rude." The girl, Kira, turned to look at me. She had the strangest silvery blue eyes, maybe even a little green. I couldn't tell. She crossed her arms over her sturdy but slight frame and started walking away. I assumed she was expecting me to fallow, since we had both been dismissed by the Nurse, so I took it upon myself to sit on the small uncomfortable couch across from her. She sat lazily in a love seat, her sand colored hair strewn out across the back of it and curling slightly as if it was humid—and it kind of was in here.

"What happened to your Linoone?" I asked carefully, not sure if she would be touchy about it.

"Addy?" she looked up at me. "Oh, she just walked under and icily at the wrong time… She isn't too hurt, but she's tired from battling in general."

"Oh." Was all I said, thinking it must be nice not to have to worry if your pokemon would even make it out alive or not. I sighed. "My Typhlosion was battling a Feraligatr and… it didn't end well." I left out the part about having battled my previous rival-maybe-my-sort-of-friend-now, and about how the Feraligatr was actually trying to kill Ty.

"Sounds pretty bad." She mused. "Don't you know not to put fire up against water?" her voice wasn't condescending, just mildly curious. I appreciated that, after Joy's rant. I didn't need people thinking I was that stupid in the way I battled.

"I've beaten that Feraligatr plenty of times with Ty." I said "But this time it was different. The Feraligatr wanted to kill my pokemon."

She looked a little repulsed at the thought. "I've never really had pokemon battles that are that tragic before."

"Yeah well you will." I rolled my eyes. "Are you from around here?" then politely as I could I reached out to shake her hand. "I'm Gold."

"Kira." She nodded and shook my hand with quite some strength. She was confident, I respected that in a girl. "And I'm from Kanto."

"Me too! Where in?"

"Cianwood."

"Oh yeah, sunny all the time, great weather for surfing." I smiled slightly. "Nothing like New Bark."

"I hear it's nice there too though." She raised an eyebrow.

"It's decent. The shores are rocky though, and in the summer when it's hot enough to actually go in the ocean Dewgong and Seal take over."

She laughed gently and smiled, raising the slight freckles on her cheeks. I realized just how tired she herself looked, and wondered if I was any better.

"So you're traveling then? Where are you headed?"

A stone seemed to drop into my stomach. I flinched and glanced back at Nurse Joy to make sure she wasn't listening before I answered. "Mt. Silver."

Her eyes grew huge. "Why?"

"I don't know… my… my—friend." The word felt strange on my tongue. Silver my friend? Since when? "He wants to climb it… but I can't let him go alone."

Her eyes turned warm. "Well I think it's very nice that you are willing to risk your life for your friend. Wish I had a friend that would do that for me."

I almost sighed with relief. Finally someone who wasn't trying to stop me with coherent reasons. The youth in her face provided knowledge of her being adventurous, independent, perhaps even a little on the wild side. And yet her perfectly beachy appearance shot down everything about that. I wanted to believe she was laid back, but she seemed all too inclined in the world around her. And at this moment it was me.

"Are you just friends?" she asked suddenly.

"Who?" had I missed something? Did I zone out for a second or something?

"I'm just curious… well… ok, so I saw you guys walking to your room together earlier. The red head, that's the one you're going with? I was just wondering if you two were JUST friends? You know what I mean?"

My eyes grew huge and I turned cherry ass red with blush. "No!" I flustered. "I mean—I mean YES! WE are JUST friends… actually we are barely friends at all! We're rivals actually. His Feraligatr wants to kill my Typhlosion because I picked him over him back in New Bark three years ago!" the words came in a rush, and this poor girl looked so confused. "We battled all the time and he—he didn't meant to, or i… I mean I don't know why but he just- took- the pokemon and it wasn't like I did anything about it! I could have told someone but I didn't I was just too… too concerned about the reason and we've always HATED each other. Do you understand?" I didn't realize until now that I was standing, hands at my sides shaking in horror at the idea of being anything other than friends with Silver.

And yet here I was, about to risk my life and go with him up a stupid mountain just to get him to trust me so that I could understand why he stole that Tododile so long ago. Honestly how DUMB could I be?

"You're blushing though." Kira pointed at my red face with a slight finger and blinked innocently.

And on that note I turned and whirled, shoving a hand through my messy hair and pushing it out of my face before yanking my hood up and storming out into the cold. How could anyone think that ME and Silver were anything more than friends? It was obvious how much he hated me, I could see that, so why didn't she?

My ego went to shit, and all I could do was turn and flee, heading back to my hotel room to hide and stare at the white stucco ceiling. I knew for a fact that any sleep tonight would be a joke. And to make matters even worse, as I was crossing the courtyard separating the hotel rooms from the pokecenter, I nearly slipped and cracked my head open on the hard flooring.

It was a good thing that they put benches around the walkways, and even better that this one had a tree perched above it so that the snow had gathered and left the stone rough enough to grip for support. I narrowly avoided dying, I presumed, but I could still feel Kira's eyes boring into my back as I made my awkward escape.

My hand gripped the door to the main hallway tightly and I flung it open with enough force against the wind to make it crash against the wall and send a pile of snow falling to the ground on a plant. That stuffy warmth hit me again, only now it was less inviting. I coughed hoarsely and scuffled around the corner, breathing too heavily.

And then I collided with someone, hard enough to knock their hotel room key from their hand.

"Sorry, sorry." I fumbled to reach for it, not realizing just who was right in front of me, and then looked up as they bent as well, shocked as I was.

We stared at each other in mock confusion, eyebrows raised, and faces flaring up even darker crimson. I must have resembled a fire hydrant by this point.

"Silver." I swallowed, thinking about what Kira had assumed. I yanked back and shoved the card key back at him with a nervous huff. I ran a hand through my hair again and looked down at me feet. "Sorry."

"Where were you?" he asked in a strange voice.

"Checking on my pokemon…" and getting my manhood stepped on, I added silently, not meeting his monotone eyes. I knew them well by now, they were gray and glistening as metal could be, and I hated that it was so easy to recognize.

"How is Typhlosion?" he asked, leaning awkwardly against the hallway wall. I could have pushed past him like an asshole, but I didn't want to seem so desperate to get away.

"Still recovering." I ran my hand up my arm and brushed some snow off my shoulder. "What are you doing up?"

He contemplated telling me the truth for a moment, and perhaps even opened his mouth to lie for a second before deciding it was just plain stupid. He sighed and the smell of mint toothpaste wafted past my lips.

"I couldn't sleep." He said. "So I was just going for a walk."

"Oh… yeah… Me—me too."

"I thought you were checking on your pokemon?"

"Both." I shifted from one foot to another and made a move to step around him, but I didn't get very far before he stopped me with my name.

"Hmmm?" I glanced back at him, stuffing my hands in my pockets so they wouldn't tremble.

"Do you want to come with me?"

I swallowed, perhaps blushing a little more, and thinking about what Kira said. Are you guys' JUST friends? And then pointing out my blush like it had something to do with it. I was blushing now too… my ego sinking further and further into that evil little Gold taking over my body lately. That new voice pushing its way out of my mouth and the new feelings managing to take over me. It all started three years ago too… but never until now did I realize just how much it was affecting me. I bit my lip and forced back the voice that wanted to say yes to Silver.

"No… I- sorry, I- I'm going to go try and sleep." I whispered before turning and nearly running down the hall to my room door.

And the worst part was, was that I knew Silver was still looking back at me as I fumbled with my own key and slid it into the lock. I threw open the door, startling Jolteon into sending sparks across the bed. It would be static filled all night now. I didn't care though, I flopped down on it anyways and buried my face into the pillows, hating everything for the first time in a long time.

Maybe the worst part wasn't that he was so obviously shocked by my choice… maybe the worst part was that I wanted—very badly—to say yes.


	8. Chapter 8

~Silver~

Gold was acting extremely strange…

He was all blushes and seemed to take everything personally. I asked him if he wanted me to stuff an extra towel in my bag—because I felt bad about it not fitting the night before—and he said that he would stuff it in his. As if it was some mock competition he wasn't going to lose for having less stuff to carry. I didn't understand, and it was making things a lot more difficult than they needed to be. I was still trying to make it up to Gold for what Feraligatr did to his Typhlosion.

Which was also strange to me, because he hadn't brought it up once, when I thought he would be furious over such actions. My mind was blown, so I left it at that.

When I woke up the next morning, after a measly hour and a half of sleep—best and worse sleep I had gotten in a while—I walked down to the pokecenter's main entrance to get my Gengar, Alakazam, and Sneasel. The three of them were well rested and a little hyper from some sort of steroid medicine they were given. Sneasel especially was crazy, swinging her claws around in excitement and releasing little pulses of darkness that made my stomach curl. I made sure to return her quickly, but not soon enough apparently.

A girl who had been sleeping on the pokecenter couch looked up at me with half open teal eyes and coughed a faint cough. I could see her sun dried skin turn pale despite the tan, and I thought maybe she was going to vomit all over the floor before Sneasel was put away. Luckily she didn't—and I escaped without her saying anything too critical.

Her pokemon on the other hand- which had been lying across her chest with its head tucked under her chin—started making this shallow barking noise that alerted the Nurse into defense mode. Sneasel nearly flew at the challenge, and Joy almost threw an empty super potion bottle at me. I was cursing as I left, thinking that at least my pokemon had energy before we would be going to the mountain. It was the only good thing about such a rocky start.

Snow was falling, still, even when the sun came up beyond the clouds and teased us with warmth. It was hard to ignore the fact that this was the coldest day so far this year, and it was the day Gold and I were risking our lives. I wanted to think about how stupid and irrational this was again and again, but it was getting a little repetitive. I pushed the thoughts away and focused on what we could do not to die up there while I walked back to Gold's room.

Without knocking like I had done the first couple times, I just went right in; the door was unlocked anyways. I found him sitting cross legged on the bed with Skarmory's head on his shoulder, crooning as he listened to a disappointed voice at the end of his pokegear. I opened my mouth to say something, but he spoke first.

"I will be fine! Mom, you knew this day was coming eventually." Gold was talking to his mother, Ms. Heart, the sweetest lady in New Bark Town. Hell, she could easily be the sweetest lady in all of Johto. I had seen firsthand the way she cared about her son, back when I was a stalker, deciding on if I would really steal a pokemon or not.

"I know… Yes… I love you too." He was shaking his head slightly, not yet realizing I was standing there watching. "I promise." And the phone hung up.

Skarmory nuzzled the back of his neck carefully with her face and made a comforting noise. I had never seen such a gentle pokemon before, especially not one with her power and stature. Gold brought his hand up to touch her cheek and he whispered something barely audible. I tried not to listen, and forced it away quickly with the clearing of my throat.

"Are you ready?"

His honey eyes turned up to meet mine quickly, and startled as he was I could see the flash of embarrassment cross his face. He swallowed hard, ran a hand through his thick hair—some nervous habit I kept noticing lately—and then stood. Me height, I contemplated. No… just a tad shorter, with wider shoulders, and a thicker build. I was slightly lankier than him.

"Yeah I guess." He sighed.

"You don't have to go if you don't wa—

"I want to." He assured before I could suggest him staying back again. I had decided that if he decided to back out, I wouldn't go at all either. I would just move on with my life and gone to another region. Hoenn maybe, oh though I never really cared for the weather there. Unova was always an option, what with all the new recent pokemon being discovered, but it just seemed so far.

But Gold, of course he wasn't going to back out.

We would really, truly, honestly be heading to Mt. Silver. I wanted to curse under my breath, but he was pulling on his finger hole gloves and dirty old cap that meant too much to him. He turned it around backwards and let his hair flop through the hole. If I didn't know any better I would have assumed this was a flashback of the first time I saw him, when I shoved him to the ground and he looked up all wide eyed and nervous, a Cyndaquil shaking in his arms.

"Gold." I blinked at him in surprise as he pulled up an old and faithful backpack onto his shoulders.

"Hmmm?" he murmured, pain etching his face. I couldn't help but wonder what his mother said to him, at least aside from the obvious. She wouldn't want him to go, she would have told him to be safe and careful and to call her all the time (not possible), and she would have maybe cried a little. I would bet Gold was terribly guilty right now, and for some reason a combination of it all made my insides slimy with emotion.

"Gold I—I'm sorry." I had to look away. Never before had I apologized to anyone without it being bitter or sarcastic. The words felt strange in my mouth, too meaningful, and yet I couldn't stop them. "You shouldn't have to do this."

"I WANT to do this." He insisted, eyes narrowing.

"I'm sorry…" I turned then and grabbed hold of the hotel room door knob. I stared out into the hallway, waiting for him to call back Skarmory. "I'm sorry that Feraligatr hurt your pokemon… and im sorry…"

He walked up to my side and looked at me, straight in the eyes so that I could see a reflection of my nervous and spluttering self.

"I'm sorry you have been keeping this secret for me…"

He stared at me for a long moment, thinking, contemplating what to do next. He may have thought that this was a reason not to go with me to the mountain, but at the same time I could see how confused he was. Almost as baffled about my apology as I was. Honestly, where had that come from? I closed my eyes and looked down at my feet.

"I know there is a reason." Gold finally said something, and it cut through me like a knife. "Everything happens for a reason…"

I nodded slowly, wondering if that was really true or not.

"There is a reason we are going to climb this mountain." He added, a flash of determination lining his voice. "I don't know what it is yet… but I know there is a reason."

Since when did he get so wise? I adjusted my own backpack and nodded in agreement again, though not fully convinced. Did everything happen for a reason? Was there a reason we were heading up this mountain together? Was there a reason we were leaving on the coldest day this fall? I found it hard to believe, and yet his words were so strong I didn't argue.

"Come on." He nudged me—in a friendly kind of way—and I flinched. "Let's go."

~Gold~

Our first night in Mt. Silver had our tension strung up like angry beedrill in a thunderstorm. It was hailing, snowing, slushing, practically gushing and oozing soggy wetness from the air alone. Viridian was a high elevation town as it was, but now that we had broken through the first layer of the mountain, suddenly it felt terribly hard to breathe. It was probably just the cold, but still.

Narrow cliffs were lining the sides of the clearest paths carved in the mountainside. Along with tree roots to trip us, ice to make us unsteady, and enough fresh snow to make us ankle deep no matter where we went. My socks and boots were soaked, my toes numb, my pant legs soggy, and my irritation growing slowly. At least eight hours of climbing, though we stopped often, was setting in and making us on edge.

I had already considered shoving Silver off the side of the mountain once, but decided that adding murder to my clean record wasn't a good idea. I was mostly mad at him because every twenty minutes or so he seemed to be barking at me for something. He said I checked my pokegear too often—which was probably true but I couldn't help it—and he said that it was slowing us down. I didn't understand the pace we were at though anyways. It seemed like the top of the mountain, where that twisted tree stood, was light-years away.

It wasn't until we had almost a fatal accident, when Sneasel—who Silver let out to roam because she loved snow—accidentally snipped the end of a large branch on a pine tree. A rain of hard show and tiny icicles came crashing down on us, which made me trip and curse and slice my cheek on a different frozen branch. At this point we decided to call it a night, also because a convenient cave was nearby. It was cold and had a chill running through it, but at least it was dry.

I called out Typhlosion to make a fire in the center of the smallish cave, and then had the pokemon lay down to become a pillow for us. I was quickly sighing, the faint trace of blue disappeared from my lips and proving that I still had blood left in my veins at all. I expected it all to be ice by now.

"Thank's Ty." I pushed my face into the almost—too—hot fur that was glowing red around his neck. It felt so good to take off my boots and socks and let my feet dry in front of the fire. Cold itself must have been jealous.

And Silver… Silver was casting stabbing glances at me with his colorless eyes. They glinted orange in the fire's glow and made his hair a vibrant color, even more so than normal. He was curled up in a ball, not touching my pokemon at all and not bothering to take his shoes off.

"You're going to get frost bite." I muttered to him. "You shouldn't wear wet clothes in the cold."

He didn't answer at first, just looked down at the fire and blinked strangely, burying his nose into his jacket further.

"Silver…" I groaned.

"I don't need you to tell me what to do." He snapped, but reached forward to yank off his own boots and socks anyways. I almost muttered a thank you, but decided that it was stupid of me to have to thank him for something common sense would have said.

"You should lay against Ty." I added, though I knew he would be pissed. "He is like an oven over here."

"I don't need your help!"

Typical, I rolled my eyes. Of course he didn't need my help… but I knew if I wasn't here by this point he would have had frostbite. The fire between us was his only heat source, and I had made it.

I could hear his teeth chattering as he fished around in his backpack for the blanket we packed. I nearly groaned, of course it was in my backpack, now I get to look like the bad guy even more. I grumbled and leaned over, reaching to my bag and unzipping it. I reached into the bottom and pulled out the thick wool. It wasn't a bit blanket, barely big enough for one person, but it was the warmest thing I could ever find. I threw it at Silver with a huff, narrowly avoiding the fire. That's all I needed, to catch him on fire…

But hell it would probably do him some good right about now, as he shot me death glares.

I couldn't believe that I questioned my sexuality for even a split second before. Where me and Silver more than friends? THE HELL with that! He was making it seem like everything was my fault, like shoving the blanket in my bag made his life worse. Without me here, he would freeze to death, and he hadn't the slightest bit of gratitude at all.

That one girl at the pokecenter, waiting on her Linoone, had managed to flip my world upside down for about four whole hours. I didn't get a drop of sleep the night before, while all I could picture was Silver's critical face in my mind. It was hard enough to know that Kira thought I could potentially be gay… but the fact that she dropped Silver into the mix made it that much worse. Honestly, what was I thinking?

Like as if… even for a second… I could… be attracted.. to him?

I looked at him now as he shuffled under the blanket and curled up with his head on his backpack. I felt like luxury lying against Ty right now, and it bothered me to know that he was too stubborn to see the good in my choice. He would get sick, catch a terrible cold, pneumonia maybe, and I could only do so much.

"Silver, dammit this is so stupid of you." I whined.

"I told you, you didn't have to come with me!"

"You would be absolutely freezing your ass off right now if it wasn't for that fire that I made. You wouldn't have that wool blanket if I wasn't here to have room in my backpack for it. You would have frostbite and catch cold and probably die! What pride do you take from being stupid? Honestly!"

He sat up in a rush, throwing the blanket off and back at me with enough force to make Ty growl defensively.

"I don't NEED you here at all!" I was stunned to find that he shoved up off the ground, no socks, no boots, and stormed towards the cave exit. I groaned and got up after him, my hands balling up into fists, my feet growing numb against the rock floor again.

"Where are you going?"

"If you think I need you to keep me alive then I'm going alone." He snarled and pushed out into the first bit of snowfall. "I'll meet you at the top."

I stopped, my hand outstretched but knowing reason would get the best of him. My heart was frantic in my chest, and I wasn't sure what else to do. Silver left everything in the cave, even his belt with his pokemon on it; he would be back. I swallowed, hoping that a moment without shoes in the snow wouldn't disable his toes forever, and decided to hold my tongue.

I stepped lightly back to Typhlosion and settled beside him again, propping my feet back up in front of the fire and waiting, staring at the howling snow and wind just outside the cave entrance. You aren't that stupid, I thought desperately… what's gotten into you? But his shadowy figure had disappeared.

"He's psycho." I whispered to Typhlosion, who stifled a laugh and nudged me. I glared back "What?"

"Grroooaaafffff" he breathed nudging me, telling me to go after him, a smirk on his face.

"No!" I folded my arms stubbornly.

Typhlosion laughed under his breath, and it sounded like smoke chugging out of an old train engine. I could hardly believe my pokemon, once so shy and timid, turned into such a jokester. He was just a big oaf, really, and he had no say in what I do with Silver. Silver was eighteen for god's sake! He MUST realize what he is doing.

I turned, buried my face into my pokemon's shoulder blade and groaned, letting the fire deep within his veins warm me all over. This was ridicules…

I sat there for a long moment, contemplating how absolutely horrible I would feel if Silver really did leave. What if he threw himself off the edge of the cliff and committed suicide or something? Because of me? Was I really that big of a nuisance?

Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse though, and I was about to jump up and run out of the cave and scream his name as loudly as I could, I heard frozen feet approaching. My first impulse was to look up and make sure that it really was Silver, and not some stray pokemon looking for a quick meal, but my pride held my eyes glued to the tips of Ty's ears. I didn't turn to look; I didn't want to be a nuisance.

Without a word I heard the blanket being shuffled up off the floor, and then a strange sensation came over me. The hairs on the back of my neck stood on end as Silver—I knew it was him now; I could feel his breathing—came to lay propped up beside me on my pokemon. I may have flinched, but the complete insanity of this whole situation made my mind go haywire.

Not a word was spoken while Silver curled up into my back and hid his frozen face somewhere between my shoulder and my pokemon's fur. I had to fight the desire to jolt back at the temperature of his skin.

My heart started to thud quickly, and I was about to open my mouth to speak (not that I had anything useful to say), but he stopped me.

The blanket came up, halfway over me, halfway over him I assumed, and I shivered. Chills rolled up my spine and this time it wasn't the cold that did it. Typhlosion stifled another half laugh-half cough and pulled his neck around to rest his head in my lap, a smile glinting in his charcoal eyes.

Silver sighed from behind me as the warmth started to set in, and I could feel every piece of him loosening up, retreating to the safety of the fire and the exhaustion. But I couldn't help but wonder, why so sudden? He walked out into the cold for only a few moments, three or four at the most, and yet such a dramatic change of events... Peace came over us almost at once and the quarrels from the day seemed to fade beneath the shelter of a wool blanket.

I sighed softly, knowing that Silver's auburn hair was falling just past my shoulder blade, and his eyes were probably growing heavy. His normally pale face would be flushed, his gloved hands would be balled up, and his hate for me would be dwindling. That strange feeling came over me again.

New Gold, the one that lived in the pit of my stomach, was rooting for this. He WANTED me to question my sexuality, just like Kira. He wanted to make me sleepless; he wanted to make it hard to breathe with Silver so close to me. I hated him with all my passion, and yet… I really was starting to welcome it. It was like having a little door for a Growlithe to come in and out of, and then finding that your Growlithe evolved into a skitty, and was still invading in through the little door.

I felt like all my privacy was being invaded and taken over by the new Gold.

Silver squirmed beside me, face rubbing against my back, making the chill in the air disappear. I felt hot all over now.

"This was a shitty idea." Silver muttered after settling down, cheek between my shoulder blades. His voice was tight, again, as if this was MY fault.

"This was your idea." I couldn't summon up the old Gold to speak clearly to him. All there was was the new Gold trying to control everything about me. I sounded insecure… and I hated it.

"Yeah." He pushed himself just a tad closer to me, in order to keep his feet within defrosting range of the fire. It made my stomach hiccup in… in…. what?

In what?... Pleasure? I swallowed hard and bit my lip, my face turning a horribly cherry red. I was happy Silver couldn't see it.

"Goodnight." He mumbled, in attempts to make this sound normal.

Goodnight…

Goodnight Silver…

But the words wouldn't come out of my mouth like I wanted them to. My throat was all clogged up, desperate to keep New Gold down where he belonged. My mind was screaming though, and I wasn't quite sure if it was the smoke from the fire or the exhaustion that was getting to me, but it was much too powerful to contain either way. My thoughts made little sense even to me.

Goodnight… Goodnight Silver…. Goodnight… see you in the morning…. Goodnight… goodnight….

Goodnight… my friend…

Goodnight… Silver…

Good… night….

Sweet dreams….


	9. Chapter 9

~Silver~

Night brought with it nightmares. The sound of wind and hail and evil laughter of those that belonged nowhere but in my past. My father had been there at one point, pointing a long hooked finger at me and screaming inaudible things that just made my head spin with frustration. I could tell I was young in the dream, I could tell I was troubled.

But not nearly as troubled as I was the night before I fell asleep… moments before I gave in to my unintentional desire to be warm. It was disgusting how powerful the cold could be against your rational mind. Gold had made me so angry, for no reason other than the fact that he was the one making me be here. I wouldn't have come so far, I would have turned back when it started to snow harder. But since he was here, there was something to prove.

The cave had felt so stuffy to me before I stepped back out into the cold and found that it was ten million times better than I thought possible. Tight walls with a dry floor and dry pine needles strewn about to create a fire with, it was Heaven in such a mountain. Heaven in the middle of Hell.

When I raced outside in a flurry I expected Gold to fallow instantly. I had actually braced myself to feel his hand gripping my shoulder in attempts to persuade me back into the cave. It never came, and that was the reason I turned back on my own. Gold was going to let me go? In a moment of weakness I thought perhaps that that was the most miserable feeling I had ever felt. It made my heart pound and my stomach twist in such a way that words had actually pushed up out of my mouth while I stood just outside the cave, waiting.

"Gold?" I had said, thinking that he turned invisible and was actually there in front of me with his honey eyes. But he wasn't…

This was what had caused me to go back in the cave… the pure shock and unexpected hurt to know he didn't care. Everything he said to me suddenly didn't matter in that moment. It didn't matter that he had said time and time again he didn't think I should scale this mountain alone. And it didn't matter that he was perfectly ok with not pestering me about my decisions in the past anymore. All the little things that I had began to wrap my finger around slipped away and it was just me, alone, and Gold, warm.

So warm that I fled back into the cave and almost confronted him about why he just let it all go. I thought perhaps he really didn't want me there, and why it bothered me so much was an issue. But he had been wide eyed and fretting, his throat moving back and forth with the movement of his swallow, and his flushed face turning pale. He didn't see me, (or refused to look at me) so I had no choice but to tell him that I was still there.

It was me… Silver… still here… remember?

Those were the words going through my head as I crouched beside him on the hard floor and leaned in to lean against Typhlosion, who's heart was so big and forgiving that he actually smiled at me when I did so. After my pokemon nearly killing him, I expected to be blasted with fire at the very thought. But he was actually encouraging.

I had sat, and looked the pokemon in his charcoal eyes while Gold still refused to meet my gaze. Typhlosion had made it quite obvious that his eyes were moving from me to Gold and back and forth and back and forth again. I didn't want to believe that I understood his silent words, but I knew for a fact he was telling me to apologize, or suggesting I show some sort of compassion. I glowered at the pokemon behind Gold's back, and shook my head furiously blushing.

But in the end his stares had won, and within a moment I was flinching into the warm shape of Gold's back. His broad shoulders, his toned neck, his thick hair that curled slightly at the ends, I found it all too inviting. All the while I blamed it on the cold. The fact that it was too freezing to do anything but… but dare I say… cuddle…

Gold had stiffened at first, and I felt a significant wave of heat go over him, which made me want to pull away.

So I pushed deeper into the shape of him, thinking about everything he said to me. He wanted to protect me… right?

"This was a shitty idea." I spat at last, thinking maybe it would lighten things up a bit. Maybe if Gold was mad at me he wouldn't stay mad now that I was making an attempt to smooth things over. My cheek was pressed between his shoulders on his back and I had brought the blanket up to be halfway over us both, thinking maybe… maybe SOME sign of friendship wasn't too terrible.

"This was your idea." He bit back, and despite myself, I had never felt so rejected in my life. Not even the moment when my father abandoned me so long ago.

"Yeah." I agreed, my voice lined with hurt. I tried again, this time making sure I sounded somewhat normal. "Good night." I murmured.

And still he didn't answer…

So I fell asleep with guilt weighing down my shoulders, hoping that he would forgive me for being such an asshole. That was when my dreams started, making me restless all throughout the night. Gold had been in the background the whole time too, always at my side, staying perfectly still while I tossed and turned against him. He didn't move while he slept, regardless of the position or anything. That or he was awake the whole night, unable to sleep with my constant irritation.

I don't remember when exactly in the night I fell asleep peacefully… but I knew it had to be sometime close to the coldest part of the night. The hail might have stopped, that could have been partially why, but when I woke up I found it very hard to believe anything that had happened.

You might know how people say everything is better after a good night's sleep, but I was convinced that that wasn't always true. I woke up with more conflict than I had ever felt before… even more so than when I stole Feraligatr from Elm's lab three years ago.

I woke up with my head on Gold's chest, sweaty and hair plastering to my face because one could only handle so much Typhlosion heat. We were laying side by side, me pressed between him and the fire type. His chin was somewhere above my head, so I didn't know what to do.

But I was so absolutely shocked that I jolted upright, forcing Gold's peaceful face to jam up in surprise. He rolled back as I kicked and scrambled upright, and I barely caught sight of the flickering embers disappear beneath his back. He yelped and gasped and threw himself forward, cursing and trying not to whimper as pieces of red hot rock fell back to the ground off his now hole ratted leather jacket. Those embers melted right through it.

I could barely see straight I was in so much shock. Gold and I… had been sleeping in THAT position? After nightmares and fidgeting I had managed to fall asleep like THAT?

…. In his arms?

Choked with horror I got up, ignoring Gold's groaning and Typhlosion's sympathetic grumbling, and flew to the cave entrance. I needed some air.

The snow from the night before had frozen over and gotten extremely hard, so when I stepped out I was almost faced with life or death. My feet slipped and I had to clutch the somewhat rough rock to the entrance of the cave. I was breathing heavily, thinking about the embarrassment.

All I wanted was for Gold not to be mad at me after me being such a jerk. And now THIS happened? It seemed all I could do now was being an even bigger jerk. Gold wouldn't understand… he hadn't been the one fidgeting all night, he hadn't been the one to desire more comfort. Gold was straight, and I was…

What was I…?

My sexuality NEVER played a part in who I was. I couldn't even remember the last time I jacked off—which was kind of scary for a guy—and never once had I considered a relationship with anyone. As far as I was concerned me and Gold had always been rivals… me and ANYONE had always been rivals. Even my own father…

And now this sudden change of events happened and miraculously three years later my rival turns into my "friend" and suddenly I'm sucked into questioning myself.

I racked my brain, while clutching at the ice covered mountain wall and trying not to make any sudden slip-inducing movement, for any female, any at all! That I may have been a slight bit attracted to…

I thought about the twin sisters in the coffee shop back in Viridian City. The blond was too… high maintenance… too out there for a guy like me to understand. She wasn't firm, and she didn't seem to walk with her feet on the ground. The brunette on the other hand, she WAS firm, but she was too firm. An iron grasp, taking control over any and every situation at all. I liked that in a person, but no more than I would have liked it in a passing my trainer on the road. She was average, and average was pleasant… but simply pleasant and no more.

Was there anyone else? Lyra with the annoying Maril?

Not a chance…

That girl in the pokecenter with the Linoone? She WAS attractive, though I never once felt ATTRACTED to her. There was a big difference in those people you could point out and say they looked good, and those that you could point to and say you "liked". And as far as my list went, there was no one I could sit there and honestly say I liked.

But what about Gold?

Did I… like him?

It was too hard to think straight with the smell of him and his deodorant clinging to me. I pulled up the collar of my shirt and took a deep whiff, making my mind whirl back into the dreams I had last night. That was the smell of argument… the smell of irritation and ice and nightmares. The smell of a musky pokemon and charcoal and burning pine. It was everything that happened in the last six or so hours.

This also meant it was the smell of confrontation, confusion, and attraction. The worst part was that I couldn't say I didn't like it either.

"Silver?" Gold's voice came from the cave entrance, a step beside me. I glanced at him, honey eyes glinting in the early morning sun. He blinked almost mildly, but revealing some of that former shyness. It was the same shyness he had when he first became a trainer. The way he looked at me then… the way he looked at me now… it was nearly the same.

"How bad is it?" he asked and to my dismay, started unzipping the lighter jacket that he was wearing beneath his leather one. He turned as he unzipped, hiding his chest a moment in time, but not fast enough to avoid me seeing his bare shoulders.

Gold always had the most distinct skin color. Olive toned and smooth, always somehow just a bit tan, even in places like this, wear the sun was so faint it might as well not be there. I could see that he was tattered with few scars, which I found to be a boyish trait.

He was broad, I knew this, but I never took the time to speculate it. Not until now that is… Each shoulder blade was its own rolling hill on his back, smooth and rounded and defined enough to wear I felt the need to push my thumbs just below them and make the slight crease become a valley.

"Well?" Gold asked in a small voice. He was shivering, though his skin looked warm to me.

I hadn't even bothered to look at what he was showing me. I almost cursed, and I focused in on the few red splotches down the middle of his back on his right side. One of them drew a speck of blood, but most just looked a little raw. They would scab over thinly and be fine in a couple days.

"It's not that bad." I said awkwardly, ignoring the fact that we were acting like friends, when so clearly we were both flustered by the fact that we had been sleeping like much more than friends.

He sighed and shrugged the light jacket back on before moving to go back into the cave. I had no option but to fallow, my stuff was in there too, as well as my dignity.

Typhlosion was already called back into his pokeball, which gave us more space to maneuver through. We gathered our stuff silently, tossing down a bottle of water and granola bars—though I felt too disgusted with myself to enjoy it—and then attached out belts to our waists quickly.

"I have an idea." Gold broke the awkward as we stepped onto the hard ice outside. "Since we are too light to walk on this… we will just slip. Why don't we use my pokemon?"

My first reaction was to snap back at him and say it was a stupid idea, but that would have been a stupid remark. I was forced—once again—into believing Gold's logical mind over my stubborn one.

"What pokemon?" I had to ask though, dreading it before it was out of him mouth.

"Mamoswine…"

I wanted to slap myself in the face. My head hung in defeat at the thought of riding on such a smelly, matted creature. Those things lacked in everything from hygiene to intelligence. All it was good for was defense and brute force. I didn't even think its skill was that great, and here Gold suggested we use it to our advantage.

Why… why did it have to be a good idea?

The fact of the matter was, we wouldn't be walking around another day with soaked pant legs, and we could probably cover a lot more ground.

He took my silence as agreement and yanked off one of his pokeballs. I knew he was stalling, waiting for me to reject before calling the monstrosity out. I simply crossed my arms and took a deep breath as the mountain roared to life around that pokeball.

Mamoswine was expecting battle; perhaps that was why it was acting like a savage thing. Gold pulled his hands up to show no harm, and then reached forward to stroke the pokemon between the eyes. Its wrinkled, hairless mask around its eyes was about the size of Gold alone. I flinched in disgust as he clamored onto the thing, using its tusks as a boost.

"It will be fine." Gold smiled weakly down at me from the creature. "You don't want to walk miles in the snow again do you?"

I scowled at him and his so obviously sheepish face, wishing once again in a flash of hate, that he would have just left me alone after that day in the Viridian forest. Not EVERYTHING had to happen for a reason. I shouldn't have to worry about things like this… like the way I felt about other people.

Sighing heavily I paced forward, slowly not to slip on the ice. Mamoswine's foul breath made me want to gag as I came closer, so hitched up my shirt around my jaw and nose and breathed slightly, picking up only tiny traces of Gold on me. With tight hands I gripped the clumps of brown fur on the pokemons shoulder and hauled myself up. It was unfazed by this, groaning and snorting for no reason at all.

Gold rolled his eyes at me as I swung my leg over the huge back of the pokemon, having plenty of room to even lay down if I wanted (though I never would).

"This is foul." I muttered through my shirt smelling of him.

To my surprise he only shook his head at me, huffing under his breath. "Anything to bitch about."

"Hey, I heard that." I glared.

He managed a small laugh and then turned to be looking forward in the view of the pokemon. "Come on Mamoswine! Straight ahead."


	10. Chapter 10

~Gold~

The last two or so days were alright, with somewhat mild weather despite the intense chill. It wasn't windy, and that made a big difference when you were so high up it was hard to breathe. Not to mention the ice had been covered over with another softer layer of snow so Silver and I could walk through ourselves, rather than riding on my Mamoswine.

The nights were black and soundless, leaving the two of us with the most promising awkward moments, especially when we were going to sleep. Typhlosion would normally lay between us, him on one side, me on the other, both sharing his warmth that left us sweaty in the morning. I didn't bother to be bothered by the fact that Silver was so obviously avoiding me, but rather tried to enjoy the side of me that didn't worry.

The old Gold seemed to be back for a short time, thinking about my mother and if she really intended on moving to the city or not. I was myself again, if only for a few days, it was nice. I wondered how Lyra was, and if that Maril of hers was doing a good job protecting her. It was easy to assume yes, but I knew that being bipolar she would never really be safe.

And to my surprise, I found that I couldn't quite care as much as I should have. It was more of a mutual worry, like I knew she was worried about me so I should worry about her. But deep down there was no trace of Lyra in my mind. It was a surface scratch, something easy to think about while I walked in silence with Silver.

Every now and again our eyes would meet, particularly when one of us slipped or tripped over something. It was easy to get your feet all tangled up here, since the snow would hide anything that could potentially harm you until it was too late. I had managed to avoid some of the dangers by being extra cautious and not thinking about anything to distract me, but even so my feet wouldn't stop scrambling to catch up.

Silver had fallen twice, once flat on his face in the snow. He hit a soft patch and sunk down about three or four feet. I had to help him out of that one, but I had been laughing so hard it took longer than it should. I didn't regret it though, even if he had punched me in the shoulder and given me a slight bruise.

It felt like friendship. Nothing more, nothing less. And even if he never admitted it, I knew that he had cracked a smile when I started gasping for air, unable to control the lack of oxygen going into my brain because of the elevation. That was how friends treated each other right?

Since that moment we had been catching each other's eyes more often, sometimes even not looking away instantly. I wouldn't retreat back to the safety of staring at my aching feet, and after a little while he must have realized it because he decided to talk to me.

Two more days later, we were stuck in normal conversation, only this time putting in more effort to howl over the bad weather. I could hardly believe that this was the same person I was rivals with for three years.

"I think we should stop for now!" I commented, snow slapping me in the face. I was ice cold and my stomach was snarling for the skimpy readymade meals we packed a ridicules amount of. I noticed a little ways off there was what looked to be another cave entrance. We could hide out in there until the wind stopped.

"I think we should too!" Silver agreed hesitantly, probably wanting to disagree. But he couldn't deny the fact that this was harming us more than it was doing any good.

We scrambled over to the cave entrance and had to duck down to get into it. There seemed to be barely any room to breathe in there, and since I went in after Silver I couldn't help but flush a terrible scarlet. At least he wouldn't notice it though; I was already red with chapped skin. My body grew hot as I pushed up into the confined space and brought my backpack around to the front of me.

"This is too small." Silver tried to turn but couldn't. "Go back out, we can't stay here."

I didn't move though, because I spotted what seemed to be a different exit. It was almost too dark to see where my hands were going as I felt along the frozen rock walls, which was why my hand was ruffling through my backpack; for a flashlight.

"Hold on." I said, dropping the heavy bag at my feet and crouching to dig through it more thoroughly.

"Shhh…. Do you hear that?" Silver suddenly grew still and quiet. I looked up, trying to see his face clearly in the dark, and only noticing that my head was inches away from his crotch. Oh great… I grit my teeth together and shoved back down New Gold before he had the chance to speak up. Over four days of no confrontation with him and I wasn't about to ruin it. I focused on listening to the silence around us.

Past the sound of my own heartbeat I could hear a gentle rumbling, almost like something of a snore, but too faint. More like rough breathing; rough char filled breathing. The lungs of a smoker maybe. I swallowed and felt along the wall until my hand got a better grip. The flashlight was a lost cause now, (I had to assume it was in Silver's bag) so I just made a slow movement to stand up, face kept well to the side away from his hips and pelvis area.

"There is a crack here." I whispered, finally my hands coming to the end of the cold stone. I felt the gap just past Silver's right shoulder and could tell that it was big enough o squeeze through. "Want me to go first?"

"Why would you go at all?" he hissed. "Don't you hear that?"

"We have to see what it is… right?" curiosity raged inside me. "We have all our pokemon too… twelve of them against whatever is in there… come on we have a good chance."

"Are you always this stupid?" I would have taken offence to that if it wasn't for the fact that real fear hung in his words. I heard him swallow.

"I will go first." I put my hand on his shoulder and maneuvered around him in the enclosed space. He shoved me slightly and I could feel the tension on his back. He turned the opposite way and I had to flinch when both our backsides rubbed up against one another. New Gold tried to scream for release, and I ignored him, gripping the stone and fitting myself through the crack in the cave with hastiness. Silver grunted softly.

"You're crazy."

"Silver we have been towering this mountain for days and haven't seen any sign of pokemon at all. What could it be?" I shot back, though my voice was distracted. "Can you find the flashlight?"

I noticed as I stood on the opposite side of the crack from Silver, that it was significantly hotter over here. Hot enough that having a leather jacket on was too much. My eyes searched the darkness as the smell of something burning came. Was someone here? There was no way a fire could be started… it was pitch black.

"Here." Silver's barely audible voice came and I felt his arm being fed through the crack to me. The flashlight entered my hands as he squeezed in and pushed me aside. This part of the cave must have been much larger, judging by the now echoing sound of the breathing. We both grew unbearably quiet in the dark. The sound of a simple click as I flipped the switch of the light.

Everything lit up gently; just enough so that we could see that the stone floors were covered in soot and ash, and that it was indeed much, much larger here, with countless different directions to take the tunnels. I stared in awe, wondering just what we were getting ourselves into, and then remembering this was my idea.

The old Gold's idea at least… I decided that it was better to be curious and brave than cowardly and… well… according to New Gold, worried about Silver.

"Well… now what?" he asked and I turned the flashlight just under him. His face lit up eerily and I could see every significant line and crease in his skin. Surprisingly it was actually pretty smooth, and sleek and unaffected by the wind. I knew my face would look somewhat like a desert right about now.

"Should we fallow it?" I whispered. "The noise?"

"You wanted to do this!"

"Shhhh! Ok, ok, then let's go…" I walked with quickly defrosting feet to the nearest tunnel entrance. When I shined the flashlight in there was nothing to reveal at the end and didn't sound like the noise was coming from down there anyways so I ignored it.

The second tunnel was wider, with the same ash lined ground as the main cave. The smells coming from this direction were strongest, and when I put the flashlight that way I could see the cave walls and where they turned. This had to be the direction.

"This way I think."

Silver was right beside me, bumping shoulders as I spoke, and I hadn't even noticed until now that his hand was gripping the material of my jacket at my elbow. Was he really that scared?

"Gold… what… what if it's Red?" he mumbled after a second of stalling.

I hadn't thought about that… I really didn't consider the possibilities of what may be creating fire in the mountain at all, but I certainly didn't think it was Red. The stories only told of him being at the top of the mountain, like a statue that never left but came to life to battle when you approached it.

"He's at the top though…" I mumbled, staring down the smoky corridor with no attempts to  
move.

"He has to stay somewhere though… not even a legend can survive the weather outside…"

Silver had a point.

"Don't worry…" suddenly New Gold, the part of me that had been slowing forming since three years ago, decided to force its way back up my throat. My voice was divided, half choked, half startled by myself. "We will be ok." Was it really all I could do to comfort Silver?

"But are you ready for that kind of battle?" he questioned as I took a step forward into the tunnel.

I glanced back at his dim face, thinking about that for a second. I used to always tell myself that I would never go up Mt. Silver until I absolutely knew I was ready and would win against Red. But with Silver's decision I didn't have a choice. Never once before Silver mentioned challenging the legend did I think I was ready, and yet somehow now I felt like maybe I was. Even so, I was surprised to find that it was HIM asking ME this question.

"I thought you wanted to battle him?" I mumbled. If I was being honest with myself I had to admit that Silver never once showed any sign of wanting to beat the notorious Red. Sure he claimed to want to climb this mountain, but I never knew his reasoning.

Silver looked at me like I was the crazy one. "I never said that."

"Why else would you want to climb this mountain?" I challenged weakly. The silence was getting softer, and the breathing we heard was getting heavier. The smell of soot and ash and fire grew to a miserable high and I had to cover my face in my jacket just to breathe. My eyes stung as we rounded a corner in the tunnel and turned, walking too closely to each other.

For some reason when in the dark, small spaces, when the air was hard to breathe, New Gold liked to come out. It was like he was nocturnal, or lured by the awkward moments. He wanted to break free, and it was getting harder and harder to not to let him.

I focused on the smoke and the ash and the sound of "fffffhhhhssssht….. hrrrruuuuuuphhhh….. fffffhhhhsssssht." Coming from our direction. What a strange noise... my heart started to race.

"That doesn't sound like a human." Silver whispered, fingers tightening on my jacket sleeve. "Maybe we should turn back."

There was a sudden crackling sound, and I realized that it wasn't the breathing that did it. It was indeed fire, casting a ghostly red glow on the black stone surrounding us. I turned the flashlight down and let the separate light guide us. It flashed and flickered and danced to the beat of our slowly shuffling footsteps. I could feel just how much ash had gathered below, and it began to feel like I was walking through sand. A single corner stood between us and the fire.

We stalled, glanced at each other's orange glinted eyes, glancing back at the turn, stepping closer to each other, then shuffling away, trying to seem brave alone. The panic in Silver's eyes was tough to look at though. Had he always been so frightened of things? Everything I remembered about him was confidence.

Ever so slightly I turned to the corner, and pushed my hands up against the hot black stone to peer around the corner. I expected the same kind of lowlight that was illuminating the rest of the tunnel, but found it to be astonishingly bright. I blinked, drew back in a fluster, and rubbed my adjusting eyes. Silver leaned in close to me, straining forward to glance around himself. His reaction was almost the same, but he let out a little grunt of surprise.

"What… what is that thing?" I spluttered, squinting to see.

Wrapped up in its own giant steaming cavern was a bird, swathed in fire and smoke and tucked so tightly together it was almost impossible to make out. Its neck looked long, its head small, its beak skinny, but the wing span had to be easily ten feet across. That was what I saw, a monster, sleeping with its flaming feathers dropping ashes into its nest of more ashes. The pokemon seemed as much dead as it was alive. A phoenix, like those of the old folktales they told kids in grade school, only much more menacing.

Even asleep it looked like a killer. I started to panic, seeing that its chest would rise and fall and its feathers would flutter and shift every few seconds. It appeared deaf, trapped behind the crackle of the fire surrounding it, but it obviously could sense something was here.

"Moltres…" Silver gasped softly under his breath. "There is no way… Gold… that's Moltres!"

"Shhh!" I hissed, angrier at myself though, for having not paid attention to those stories in grade school so long ago. I had wanted to be a trainer so badly that school work came as a nuisance, regardless of how smart I was or not.

"Gold…" his voice was tight, a small squeak of fright. "Look…"

My eyes trailed back to the monster pokemon. A legendary… something that wasn't supposed to exist. I wondered, if this was perhaps the reason why trainers didn't make it up the mountain often. Did they have to get past such a creature first?

"Go…" I stepped back, seeing as though it was shaking to life. The sleeping beast stretched its wings out (bigger than ten feet) and raised its neck. It shook its feathers loose, and blinked open fleshy lids to reveal scarlet colored eyes. Disturbance lined the pokemon's face, and all I could see for a split second, was the pure venom of hate.

The flashlight in my trembling hand somehow dislodged itself, and came rattling down to the floor, sending a heartbreaking echo to bounce the walls and back again The light flickered once, and then the dim glow of the fire was all that was left. We stared, like a deerling caught in a pair of headlights, while the beast turned its attention in our direction.

Fire flew and erupted into a torrent of heat and embers, lighting the cavern and spraying ash all around. It screeched, and bunched, and I knew it was going to leap. My heart was in my throat, and my feet welded to the ground.

"Dammit Gold!" Silver gasped and yanked me back, I hadnt realized until now that he was gripping my shoulder tightly. The eyes of the great bird had collided with mine, and refused to let my gaze go. I was trapped until Silver snagged me away, and started hauling me back the way we came, this time into pitch blackness.

"Run." I huffed, realizing just how horrible this was.

I sickening screech embedded into the walls and echoed back and forth, running through our heads with sickening effects. Dizziness grew behind my eyes as well as a cool pressure on my hand. I didn't understand, my other hand was tight fisted and scathing the walls as I bolted forward, a step behind Silver, a pace in front of a dwindling flame.

Horror shot through me when I realized we were being attacked.

"Faster!" I howled, dizziness and heat sweeping through me and threatening to buckle my knee caps.

"Come on!" Silver urged as we disbanded from the tunnel and into the first largest corridor with the many different entries. The Moltres was hot on our heels, spitting and flapping madly, just a bit too large to actually fly through the tunnels. It was a ball of writhing heat, and barely awkward enough to run from.

My feet slipped in the loose ash and my hand gripped the wall for support. Still I was being yanked and pulled, faster than ever before while I tried to catch up and get away. Silver suddenly stopped then, making me run into his back and almost knock us both over.

"Go!" in the pitch blackness I was shoved, with full force of his body he pushed me through the hole, the crack barely big enough for a person that lead us back out into the icy world. I scratched my already soar back on the rocks and felt something clip the top of my brow. There was the smell of blood and the feel of hot moisture growing on my face, but with the adrenalin so high I didn't quite get it.

Silver came next, still shoving me, still pulling me forward as well. I was lost in the blackness for a moment, while fire spun around us and danced through the crack too small for the bird itself. My forearm was scorched slightly and stung, but only a moment later Silver managed to find the exit.

The mountain, the cave itself seemed to spit fire at us as we collapsed, sweaty and panting into the freezing snow. Wind howling and hail battered our bodies proved that this was still the mountain we started on. Two completely different worlds, one within each other. Hot and Cold. Death and life. New Gold, and Old Gold.

We lay panting in the snow, eyes shut tight and blood trickling from several spots on our faces. We got pretty beat up going through without seeing anything. Blood fell between my eyes and soaked the strands of hair. I didn't quite care though. We were alive.

We were alive, and that thought alone made me laugh a shaky, humorless laugh. But more than that I realized that we were still staring at each other. Honey eyes and sleet gray ones, glinting in the suns reflection off the snow.

Silver snorted, as if he couldn't believe what just happened. I knew I couldn't…

New Gold danced with delight inside the pit of my stomach, and tingled all the way up through me to the tips of my fingers.

I hadn't realized until now that Silver and I were gripping each other's hand, fingers locked and lying between us in the snow. Was that a reflex reaction? Some life or death situation and we automatically lock fingers and save one another? I stared at him in shock, both our faces flushed and sweaty, teeth chattering.

His senses came back to him then, for he ripped his hand away and shoved up off the ground with a slight gasp. I remained there though, on the cool ground staring up at his back turned to me. Between the snow and the slight sunlight and the dark auburn of his hair, New Gold fluttered.

My heart fluttered.


	11. Chapter 11

~Silver~

"We can turn back if you want." Gold suggested, forehead hot and sweaty under my hands while I tried to put on a liquid bandage without getting sick from being squeamish. It was bad enough Gold was perfectly ok with it when I wasn't, but the smell of the foul stuff wasn't helping. My empty stomach snarled in pain, but did not long for food.

"Hold still." I dabbed a wet cotton ball with alcohol on it at his gash. I didn't feel bad that I practically an him into the stone that cut his brow open above his left eye open, but I didn't like the fact that it was there at all. We were lucky that was all that happened.

Well… almost all.

When I took the time to shove Gold back through the skinny entrance to the outside world, the fire bird, Moltres, had scorched the backs of my neck and burned the tips of my hair. I was pretty mad about that, but at least it wasn't a gash in my head.

Something kept nagging at my mind, since that moment earlier when the wind and snow was so bad. As a reflex reaction I had grabbed Gold by the hand and locked my fingers with his to pull him along with me. More than anything in that moment, I had to know, subconsciously, that he was safe. I had to make him safe, and I hated myself for it.

I couldn't feel this way about Gold. I couldn't… I WOULDN'T be his friend. It wasn't possible, not after what happened today. There was no way that I could keep this up, so when Gold mention things like turning back… it was one of the most tempting things I had ever heard.

But was that really what I wanted? Did I want to turn back and go home?

Home… what home?

I may have pressed a little too gently on Gold's eyebrow, a little too tenderly, but thinking about having nowhere to go but wherever... which was still nowhere… I couldn't stand it. Sure I was loaded with enough money from my father's organization so long ago (he always stashed money in an account for me despite never caring about anything else), and not to mention all the money I had won from being a top of the notch trainer. I could buy a house if I wanted to, I could probably by a pent house with three floors and a view overlooking the ocean if I wanted! But that's not what I wanted…

I didn't know what I wanted, I just knew that I didn't want to live alone and waste my life away. That and I didn't want to care about Gold or if he got eaten by a giant bird or not.

"What are you thinking about?" Gold asked suddenly, staring at my distracted eyes as I swathed the liquid bandage over his brow.

"What?" I looked at him and blinked, misunderstanding his question. He couldn't possibly know that I was thinking about having feelings for him as more than just a rival. And yet the look on his face… the emotion in his honey eyes showed no mercy.

"I was just curious." He looked away, maybe a little hurt at my tone. "Was it about that bird?"

"Oh… n—not really." I pulled my hands back and sat down, trying not to meet his gaze.

"Oh." He brought his knees up to his chest and leaned his head back against his Typhlosion, looking up at the rock overhang we had decided to settle under for the night. It was much colder than the small caves, but after today neither of us was very enthusiastic about going back in one of them.

"I was just thinking… if we got through that… how much worse do you think it could get?" a sudden hope grew on his face. It was small but prudent. "I don't think we can turn back now… right?"

"I never said I wanted to turn back." I scowled slightly, remembering the times before when she showed that kind of slight hope around me. Every other battle, every time I would catch him on the phone with his mother when he was just a new trainer, every encouraging moment of his journeys. He had this way of putting hope where hope didn't belong and I didn't exactly like it about him.

Gold managed to smile, but it looked a little pained, probably because of his cut.

Oh god, why did he have to do that to me? Show those perfectly aligned teeth and young eyes with glittering affects. I didn't want to move, but I figured sitting next to him would be easier that in front of him. That way I would have to look him in the eyes.

Typhlosion was warm and used to my lying on him by now, so I embraced it rather than flinched away. The pokemon always seemed to scare me a little, but now I realized just how soft tempered he really was. A fighter when it had to be, but obviously it didn't want to be. Unlike Feraligatr that was always looking for a battle. The pokemon rumbled gently and I felt a wave of warmth draw up my back as his back bubbled with steam. Plenty warm enough for those nights in the caves, but not so much out here.

I was still shaking after a moment of settling. Gold looked comfortable in his thick leather jacket and fluffy under hood, though I found it hard to believe that it wasn't the cold making his face flush. His face was always flushed lately.

"Silver… what do you think people are thinking right now?" Gold asked suddenly, breaking the silence that wasn't awkward for once.

"Your friends you mean? Your family?"

"No—well…" he bit his lower lip; probably remembering that I didn't have a family or friends. In his mind I had no one… no—in my mind I had no one too.

"I bet your mother is thinking you're dead." I commented to distract him. "And your friends… that girl Lyra? She is probably wondering why you haven't come over yet."

He shook his head. "I wish I could call them and tell them I'm ok."

I didn't answer. Gold didn't know what it was like to have no one to call at all. No one to care if you are ok or not. He was well loved, and I wasn't jealous of the fact… just... flustered. Flustered because I didn't understand. That was a world in which mine never touched.

Gold must have taken my silence as misunderstanding. He thought I was jealous of the fact, and he realized it harshly, judging by his next reaction.

"Silver… I—I know you don't really have those kinds of people in your life… but… I—I guess I would be worried about you… if I wasn't here."

It had meant to sound like affection… but for some reason it sent stabs of pain through my chest and I glared at my hands on my knees, gripping the dirty fabric of my jeans while my heart started to beat faster. He guessed? He just… guessed that he would be worried?

Why did that hurt? Having no friends was better than having one that sort of cared. Even if that wasn't what Gold had meant… that's how it felt. Hurt washed over me in the same kind of fashion that it had so long ago when my father walked out on me because of his failures.

Gold didn't respond for a long moment, thinking intently on something. His eyes were fixed on the ground in front of us (I thought) and his hand twitched once or twice. Fingers moving back and forth awkwardly. What was he thinking? He couldn't possible realize that his comment hurt me more than it did good.

And then shockingly enough, his hand came forward, drifting towards me while I pinned my eyes to the ground and refused to look at him. My face turned absolutely hot and sweaty and the palms of my hands balmy. That was the first thought I had when Gold tried to grab my hand. My hands being sweaty and that being gross…

Then of course my reality came back to me, and as he tried to entwine his fingers with mine I yanked away. Eyes spitting venom I glared at him, lip curled up in distaste at his sorry ass face. How dare he try to hold my hand! My throat grew dry with distaste and my stomach cold. I felt more nauseous now than before, and my hand was tingling like crazy.

Gold just looked at me, with wide honey eyes, glistening like the youth that he was three years ago. Childish eyes on a young man's face. He swallowed hard and opened his mouth to speak, but I cut him off right then and there, getting up and storming across the rocks overhang towards the back of the small inlet. It was pitch black over there, and I didn't want Gold to see my face, so it worked.

Chills rolled up my spine as I left the warmth of Typhlosion, and got worse when I settled alone in the dark. I didn't need Gold, and he didn't need me. HE had no right to try and hold my hand. Earlier was a onetime thing, it was an accident! A reflex reaction!

I knew I was only trying to convince myself though…

I pulled at my belt with my pokeballs around it and one by one called them out (except for Feraligatr who would just fight with Typhlosion). Sneasel came quietly, happy to share the tiny fraction of warmth her icy body could give. Alakazam was heavy and thick, which would be the most helpful throughout the night. Crobat landed on my shoulder and crooned softly for attention. She was most comfortable being in such a dark, dank place, but most nervous about Gold a little ways off. My other pokemon just hovered.

"I'm sorry." Gold's voice made my flinch. He sounded pained.

I didn't answer.

"You'll get sick."

I bit my tongue.

"Silver, come on… I'm sorry… I—I won't do it again…" now he really sounded upset.

It wasn't the fact that he was trying to hold my hand really… it was the fact that I wanted to let him. I was mad at myself for putting that imagine in his head earlier. I wasn't gay… I wasn't anything of the sort, even if I never liked girls either. I never liked anyone…

But I certainly wasn't gay, and even if I was I wouldn't like Gold or his perfection. He was everything I wasn't, our worlds didn't touch. So I stayed put on the ground with my own pokemon, trying to squeeze them in closer to me to share the warmth. It wasn't working very well though. They didn't often get along with each other, so zaps from Magneton started up, and that made Crobat screech, which made Sneasel slash at him, which made me grind my teeth in rage.

One by one I called them back into their balls, leaving just Alakazam to sit by me. He wasn't much help, and I could tell it was awkward for him. He kept looking across at Gold and Typhlosion, who were so comfortable with each other it was sick. The day me and my pokemon had that kind of bond would be the day grumpig flew.

Finally I gave in and called my pokemon back. Secluding to the darkness by myself I grasped my backpack and pulled out the smallest, heaviest blanket we had brought.

"Silver…" Gold's voice came again. "You take Ty…I can sleep by Mamoswine."

I heard the short and soft steps before I saw the giant flash of white from a pokeball. Did Gold really think I was so fragile?

An orange glow approached me, revealing Typhlosion as he walked over with sympathetic eyes, ignoring the large pokemon groaning to life and the instant smell swathed around the rocks. Such a gross pokemon, I snorted, thinking that I didn't want Gold to stink like such a thing.

"Alright fine." I spat as Typhlosion tried to settling himself as close to me as possible. "Gold."

"Yeah?"

"Call that thing back."

Mamoswine grunted in a way that sounded like "oh hell nah" and I pictured it trampling me in my sleep. Hell, maybe that would do me some good.

Gold called it back, but didn't say anything. He didn't walk over to me either. I could barely make out the faint trace of his shoulders, lit by an eerie moon hidden beyond snow clouds.

"It's fine." I choked out.

And his feet started to move, and at the sound I almost changed my mind again. He would try and be sympathetic… or be my friend… or show me affection… or hold my hand…

Such horrible things right?

What was wrong with me? I shook my head and kept my mouth closed as he crouched on the other side of his pokemon and ducked down into the crook of its shoulder. Typhlosion moaned in distress and shifted, pulling back and walking a pace away before turning and shoving Gold with his massive head, only to push him up against me.

"The fu—

Typhlosion blew a hot puff of smoke at me and snorted a warning to take it or leave it. Gold dislodged himself from my side slightly.

"Sorry. Ty!"

The pokemon snorted at him too, and then flopped down beside us, making sure that we were both on the same side, together, with no honest way to move away from each other without climbing over the creature, and he would just stop us if we tried anyways.

Gold covered his face in his hands and slumped forward in frustration.

I wasn't sure what to think, so I just turned away and put my back to Gold, thinking that Typhlosion must be a mental mute to think that the two of us should be sleeping next to each other. I could feel Gold turning away from me as well, shame lingering in his sigh.

"Thanks a lot Ty." He hissed under his breath.

That was a little harsh… even though I knew he wasn't mad at the pokemon. He was mad at himself… I bit my lip, thinking that all we were lately was angry at ourselves. And for what?

We weren't hurting anyone… we weren't doing bad things…

"I'm sorry, Silver." Gold added one more time. "Goodnight."

I couldn't explain why… but all I knew was that this was getting to be too much. Especially since I wanted Gold to say goodnight to me… and then hated the fact that he did. It was like I feared my own happiness. That was so twisted… so wrong to be afraid of good things…

I couldn't stand it. I couldn't stand the way Gold made me feel when he did things like that. Why was my heart shaking like my hands? Why was it so hard NOT to be comfortable while lying next to him? Why did this all have to happen to me anyways?

With a heavy sigh I forced my eyes shut and curled up into a ball on my side, halfway on top of Typhlosion. His warmth was like a sleeping pill for me, and like a sleeping pill I knew I could overdose on it.

By morning I would be sweaty and feverish, but that didn't matter.

All that mattered was here and now and the things that were on my mind. The things that I wanted so desperately to wash away with sleep.

Gold shuffled beside me, his back pushing further away from mine.

Don't think about it… don't think about it, I assured myself. But who was I kidding?

I would never get to sleep like this.


	12. Chapter 12

~Gold~

What was it about the night that just made New Gold run my whole entire world? I couldn't even look at Silver, when the stars turned his face white and the snow made color rise to his cheeks. It was like I was looking at a whole different person. Someone who didn't think I was crazy or impossible.

I hadn't wanted to hold Silver hand… I just kinda… did it. There was no mental capacity large enough to understand the reasoning behind that magnetic pull in that very moment, but it wasn't worth it in the end. I hated myself… I hated myself more than anything when New Gold took over. It wasn't me, it wasn't who I wanted to be… and yet it was every bit as delightful and giddy as ever. Like a drug… a high you know you are NOT supposed to have, but want it so badly because of that.

I didn't think that anything else could go worse that night, especially after Ty decided to take it upon himself to push us together. The bad part was I knew it wasn't for the fact that he wanted us both to be safe with his warmth… no, he just wanted me and Silver to be cuddle buddies. And looked what happened last time that happened!

Of course, when you don't think something can get worse though, that's when it indeed does get worse…

I woke up in the middle of the night, head spinning, eyes watering, stomach churning, freezing and shaking madly. Everything felt cold, even Typhlosion, who slept like a rock besides us. My swallowed with difficulty and coughed once, trying to grasp the ridicules betrayal feeling I had growing in me. It was like my body as determined to shut down with my mind.

And to make matters even worse than that, the smell of blood clogged my nose and I realized with a start that the gash in my eyebrow had opened up again beneath the liquid bandage. I moaned softly, the quivering making it impossible to move.

"Gold?" Silver's voice came then, making me nearly jump out of my skin. It wasn't irritated, just quiet and curious, as if the few hours between before and now had been enough to clear the air. His hot breath whirred over me as he turned to his side to look at what my problem was.

"My… cu—cut- is blee—bleeding." I managed, wondering how much of the blood was getting in Ty's fur, and how grossed out he would be in the morning.

"You don't look very well" Silver, despite my absolute misery, managed to lighten it a little. His warm, gloveless hand came down on my cheek. "You've got a fever." He pulled back so quickly I was sure my body was going up in flames.

"The—res med—medici—cine in my ba—back pack." I rasped, and then started myself into a fit of coughing. My throat was stinging and my head pounding. Silver felt a mile away when he turned over to reach for the bag, and I couldn't help but wonder if this was meant to happen.

"Sit up." He said smoothly. My eyes had already adjusted to the dark so I could see the outline of his outstretched hand to me, holding two large pills I would have to swallow.

I wasn't sure if I could. My muscles ached and my arms felt numb without strength. I was already partially propped up on Ty though, so it wouldn't be hard for me to take a drink. The water itself though, the snowmelt we gathered earlier in a cantina, was painfully cold and left me radiating with an icy feel. I almost coughed it back up while I swallowed it down, but was too weak. My face slumped over into Typhlosion's back and I cursed softly.

"I don't think you should let yourself get overheated." Silver announced after a moment. "When you have a fever really high, you have to bring your body temperature down."

Are you crazy? I wanted to say… Typhlosion was the only source of warmth I had and I was STILL in agony because of the chills.

"Maybe you should just sit away from him for a few minutes."

But Silver seemed to know what he was talking about…

"Come on Gold." He insisted and gave my pokemon a shove to wake it up. Ty growled and snorted in his sleep before rolling away from me and curling into his own heap of fun. The heat disappeared almost instantly and my teeth chattered together in hopelessness.  
"Si—Silver, I—Its Free-zing." I begged.

He put his hand to my forehead this time, feeling the sweat and the heat coming from me. I never understood having a fever, and I didn't cope well being sick in general. Probably because as a child I wasn't sick very often, and when I was my mother babied me so much that I wasn't allowed to do anything.

This was different though. This wasn't my mother trying to baby me; this was Silver trying to help me. I brought my hands up to my face and blew as much of my breath onto them as I could. Violent shudders made me curse repeatedly and whine.

"Gold… are you ok?" Silver asked, though it was obvious I wasn't. His hand drew back from my forehead and came down just below my cheekbone, touching my jaw line. "What am I supposed to do?"

He was asking me, probably hoping that I had been through this before and I knew that it would pass quickly or something. But I couldn't even respond. The icy damp rocks of the cave were dreadful and hurt my limp body. It was too hard suddenly, too cold, too much in general. My eyes watered and I couldn't tell if it was genuine tears or the sneeze that threatened in my sinuses that did it.

A strange feeling ebbed at my chest when I thought back to Silver's hand on my cheek. It wasn't me who wanted to cry right now, it was New Gold. That part of—not me—that wanted to take over everything and ruin it. I hated it, and especially since being sick I couldn't stop it. My defenses were down, and so the moisture drew to my eyelids and pooled over.

"Gold!" Silver was strained now. "What the hell is wrong with you?" He wanted to sound like he was angry but the fear in his voice betrayed him.

"It—It's so- fu- fuucc- fucking- C—co—col—cold."

"You have to let the fever break." Silver nearly groaned. "You can't do that with heat."

I bit back a retort, or more likely snapped down hard on my tongue and abandoned the retort before I could splutter helplessly again.

I wasn't sure what corrupted me either… but not being able to make actual words come to my lips, somehow lead me to reach out to Silver, again, like I swore to myself I wouldn't. My icicle fingers twitched against his sleeve and the empty feeling of my cheek without his palm on it stung. I wasn't coherent, that had to be the reason this was happening. Nothing else would have ever made me do such a thing.

And then when Silver pulled his hand away, just like earlier, I expected him to retreat to another side of the mountains overhang and leave me alone and defenseless on the floor. My heart ached with a loneliness that made it hard to believe I was ever an independent human being. Where was the part of me that loved life or death experience? Or enjoyed to embrace the cold? Three years ago I was completely different. I was even cocky back then. And now it seemed all my sanity was strung up on a thread ready to snap.

Especially being sick in the middle of a mountain with no one to call and no way down fast enough if this turned into an emergency. I wasn't sure how bad it looked, but I knew that it was a possibility for me. Skarmory might be able to fly me a short distance to the bottom of the mountain, but she could never carry Silver as well, and what would I do then? Lay at the bottom of the mountain in the frost bitten grass and let wild pokemon attack me?

Things suddenly turned very dark in my head, and I realized I was gasping, coughing, choking on my shivering and my harsh breathing. The walls spun again and my head felt like a bass drum. I thought Silver had left me, and that thought alone was unsettling. I'd die up here without him, just like he would die up here without me.

A warm hand came down on my shoulder though, and I had to squeeze my eyes shut from the relief of knowing that he hadn't gone. My eyes were focused on the dark gray stone in front of me, but was outlined by the shape of Silver's shoulder as he lay beside me, shivering himself, but much warmer than me.

He roughly dislodged his hand from my shoulder and wrapped it around the back of my neck, drawing me in closer. I remembered when he tucked my face into the crook of his shoulder that my forehead was still bleeding. Of course I was too numb to feel it, but I could tell it smeared against his jacket.

"It will break soon." Silver assured, his voice ringing in my ears. "Tough it out."

Had I any strength I would have punched him for saying that… or maybe not… maybe I would have kissed him.

What?

My heart skipped a beat at the startling and sudden thought that crossed my mind. It was so casually thought in my brain that I had to do a double take just to make sure that was really what I had said silently to myself.

Kiss Silver? Was I delusional? Was I losing it to the cold and the fever? That had to be it… I wasn't myself... I wasn't normal.

Silver lay next to me for a long time the rest of that night, with his chin resting atop my head and his hands ungloved over my double gloved ones. The blanket had been strewn around us at one point, and I could vaguely remember Typhlosion coming back to our side. My fever might have broken before that, but certainly sleep didn't come until after. It was a very long night from there on out.

I dreamt about myself as a younger trainer, battling Silver, with all the pain in the world on his young face. I dreamt about my family. I dreamt about the things I had been through and the badges I had won. It seemed I dreamt about everything that night, but never once in a deep enough sleep to be comfortable.

Comfort was not in those dreams, I realized at last, sometime between a coherent thought and the sun coming up. Comfort was in being awake with Silver so close to me. Comfort was suddenly sickness and the fact that he would take care of me. Comfort was now something it was never meant to be and I was so confused. So very confused…

Comfort was Silver, and sick or not, I loved it.

….

I guess it passed pretty quickly. That or I just never wanted it to end.

Silver was treating me nicer than normal over the two days since my near death experience, via fever. I had gotten quite used to it as well, so used to it that New Gold was becoming a constant feeling in the pit of my stomach, and working his way into a stronger, full on emotion. He was unstoppable; I had to admit defeat eventually right?

Fighting with yourself wasn't healthy… I knew this anyways. And besides the point, it felt pretty damn good to just give up and let the new part of you take over. Even if it meant guilt, or worry, there was something about it… something that I couldn't quite explain.

Like Silver lately. There was something about him that just wasn't the same anymore… and it was a good thing. It was an attractive thing. A lull I could no longer stay away from, but couldn't yet grasp either. I didn't know whether it was right to call Silver my best friend, or something more.

I couldn't come to grips with the fact that I may have turned gay since our decision to go up this mountain, and since I hadn't seen any other males at all, I couldn't exactly test the theory.

It was easier to believe that it was a Silver thing anyways… not a gay thing. Gay wasn't an insult where I came from, but here in Kanto I expected people to be a little more critical of the situation. If that is, it was a situation at all. I had to ask myself if Silver was gay too… and didn't like the only rational answer.  
Of course he wasn't gay…

Because that would just be too ironic. Two young adults—still teenagers in a way—with all the lust in the world and no one to share it with but one single person. What was I thinking? Agreeing to go up this mountain with Silver in the first place? Was I subconsciously hoping for some affection in return?  
Well I had gotten it… that was for sure.

In some way, shape or form Silver had devoted himself to helping me get well, and even after my fever broke in the morning two days ago, and the gash in my brow sealed over with a scab, he still seemed to dwindle on the protective, affectionate part of all that.

He had let me hold his hand… though not for long periods of time, I still got the gratitude of feeling our skin together, my hand down, his palm up, fingers integrated together loosely. I was giddy when he wasn't looking and passionate when he was. My eyes felt soft when they met his and my cheeks hot. This was how a couple acted around each other… I knew this… but I didn't think that was where he wanted it to go.

I caught him the other morning muttering something to himself about being stupid, and though I didn't say anything, it made me want to wrap my arms around his and squeeze all the self hate out. He had to stop doing this to himself. His whole life he spent hating the person he was and I was determined to fix that now. Now that I had a reason to understand… now that I—I liked him…

"What do you think happened to your father after he left Kanto Silver?" I had asked him earlier today, and his only reply had been a dumbfounded expression and a quick change of subjects. He didn't want to talk about his father; he didn't want to talk about anything that had to do with his childhood. I respected that enough to leave it alone for now.

So I asked him a different question. I asked him about raising his Tododile when it was younger, saying that if I would have picked that pokemon I would have probably done a poor job raising it because it had a vicious nature. This was an honest statement, but Silver knew where it was headed, so he warned me that he didn't want to talk about anything that happened three years ago. Again I understood enough to leave it alone.

That terrible nagging question was still in the back of mind when we would have gentle conversations, swapping insults about the smell of Mamoswine (who we were riding on again) and me defending my pokemon with a poor attempt. I told him he should try and keep a twenty thousand pound pokemon clean, and then speak for himself when he couldn't. To my surprise he had laughed.

I loved seeing him lighthearted, and I loved seeing as thought the awkward was gone between us. Even if he put forth no effort to be close to me, he was still letting me be close to him. I was perfectly happy, and maybe a little less than absent minded.

I decided after a few hours of relentless riding on Mamoswine, that I absolutely HAD to stretch my legs. I didn't care if the ice was still slippery from having no new snow fall, I would be careful enough. Silver got down with me, using any excuse to get off my pokemon, so I called him back and snapped the ball onto my belt with ease. My eyes flickered towards the bright eyed trainer next to me, and I decided that he was in a good enough mood to try and press my luck.

I reached for his hand.

He flinched and drew it back though, maybe a little too quickly. I frowned, seeing as though it had almost retreated into the pocket of his jacket like a diglet would its hole. I looked away, fearing the resentment, but he never said anything, and his voice didn't sound any different in later conversations. I got the feeling he was trying to ignore the fact that I really liked him, but I didn't want to know why. Was it because he didn't want to like me? Or because he just flat out didn't like me? I couldn't tell by the way he acted.

By noon the thoughts and problems had slipped me further into a full on panic. I wasn't sure why it bothered me so much, but it did. I couldn't stop thinking about Silver not liking me in some way or another. And the thought of what would happen to us after this journey up the mountain was nagging at me as well. Would we still be friends? Or would we go back to our separate sad lives?

I risked a glance at him in hopes that he wasn't looking, but he was. My eyes darted away quickly again, a faint blush coming over my cheeks as I looked around for something, anything at all to distract me.

"Woah, look at that." I just realized now, that we had been walking up the path so long that I absently lost track of our surroundings. I came to a stop and had to check myself, to see if this was even real anymore. We were on the south side of the mountain, I could tell because the path we walked turned into a steep ledge real quick. It was a good thing Silver was on that side because I could have walked right off of it by now.

A stunning view of Viridian City was strewn out beneath us. I swallowed and took a step closer to the edge, curious to look down to see just how far we had come.

"You just noticed?" Silver asked, standing partially in my way, almost as if he didn't want me to stand closer to the ledge. It was a steep drop, straight down back to the snow dusted ground we started on. I could see the clearing our first reunion battle took place in, as well as the gates leading to the pokemon league. It was absolutely mind boggling.

Somehow in that moment I understood. Seeing that view in broad daylight, with the brisk winter air and the dull sunlight casting a glow on everything through the broken snow clouds. It would have been a decent day down in the city I noted.

"That's Pewter City there." Silver pointed northern to Viridian to a slightly smaller gray toned town.

"I beat the gym leader there when I first came to Kanto." I commented, remembering the super effectiveness of my Kingdra against his rock pokemon. It hadn't been hard.

"He seemed… nice." The words off of Silver's tongue hit me harder than it should have. Silver never complimented ANYONE, let alone a weak gym leader that had no significance to his life whatsoever. The pit of my stomach twisted and my chest stung for a moment. It wasn't as if the Pewter City gym leader could have anything to do with Silver… they wouldn't even know each other… I was crazy to believe they could have anything more than a memory of a battle, if that.

"You're friends with him?" I couldn't help it… I had to ask.

"No." Silver replied, giving me a strange look. "I'm not friends with anyone."

That sure didn't help anything. I turned my face back to the view and tried to keep my confidence, though it had slipped away weeks ago. I forced myself to push my shoulders back and stand up straighter.

Lyra had shown me plenty of poorly written magazines in her teenybopper stage, and pointed one out in particular that stated "confidence is the key to attraction". I hadn't believed it for a second… and here I was trying it anyways, in attempts to make myself feel better about this whole thing. Here I was, liking Silver much more than I should… and he didn't even consider me his friend.

"Come on then." He said after a moment. "We should keep walking."


	13. Chapter 13

~Gold~

"We are making it to the top today." I stated determinedly, flashing back to the way it felt to fall from the cliff. For a split second I had honestly truly believed that I was dead. When my hands had completely slipped from the icy overhang and I skidded down the mountain wall all of about six feet, I thought I had died. I was expecting it, nothing more than a splat and then… death… or whatever comes after death.

But no. One perfect little sturdy ledge had saved my life, leaving me with this feeling of absolute gratitude. I realized just how easily life could slip away, and frightening as it was, I was no longer worried about living life. I knew that dying could be worse…

So I focused on living now. I declared it to myself as Skarmory lifted me through the air and set me down in front of Silver. I decided it wasn't worth it to worry over silly things like who I liked or who I was attracted to. Near death experiences can have that effect on you.

I gave in to letting New Gold run my life, after Silver held me that night, two nights ago. After realizing that my sexuality had been walking a tightrope for so long, I finally allowed myself the simple pleasures of giving in.

I was gay for Silver.

But honestly what teenage boy stuck on a mountain top with no one else around wouldn't be? Just look at him!

He was in his tattered jacket with the hood up, shielding his face from the thick snowfall and looking down. Clumps of dark auburn fell around his eyes and twisted in a gentle wave to the bottom of his chin. It seemed the longer it got the wavier it got as well. In the back, though I couldn't see it now, I knew it was near curling.

His nose was straight, his brow was defined, and his lips puckered out just a bit like they normally did when he was tired. I sighed, detaching my eyes from him before he would notice me staring.

"We're getting really close." I glanced up at the pale gray sky and squinted at the snow. Just beyond the white slush I could make out the shape of a huge twisted tree at the very top. It was dead, obviously nothing could survive that high up, but it looked proud and confident while its limbs reached out and touched the clouds. Red must live there, I mused, maybe the tree is hollow inside.

"Then we have to make our way all the way back down." Silver turned his face away and hid some strange look in his eyes. I almost asked him about it, but he interrupted me. "And what do we do if we do defeat Red?"

The words sounded foreign to me. Beating Red?

This was the strangest feeling I had ever had… when suddenly your childhood dream meant absolutely nothing anymore. I wanted to be the legend that beat Red. At one point it had been the most important thing in the world to me. And now it felt irrelevant to things I had on my mind (things being Silver.)

It scared me too… if my biggest dream didn't mean anything to me anymore, then what did I have to strive for? And more importantly, if the title of being champion, successor of Red, didn't complete me, then what would? I glanced at Silver, feeling too much like a hopeless love struck teenage girl.

"I—I don't know…" I admitted awkwardly. "What if we don't win?" It was the same scenario though. What would we do? We don't beat the strongest trainer that ever lived? And then what?

"We go back… to the way things were." Silver looked up at the sky for a moment, flashing his pale, colorless eyes, rimmed with dark circles. I wished I could brush the paleness from his cheeks. I wished I could replace it with blush.

My heart ached. The way things were? Meaning before we were friends? I couldn't say the words out loud though… I didn't want to hear the answer. What if Silver didn't care about me enough to want to see me? What if he expected this was a onetime thing… and after we got back down to earth (it sure felt like we were walking on air now) he would just forget all about me?

"Guess we will just have to wait and see what happens…" I whispered, more to myself than to him. My hand almost twitched forward, to try and take his, but I stopped myself. Earlier today when I tried to hold his hand he stuffed it in his pocket and wouldn't let me. I didn't know why he would pick and choose when to let me get close to him, but I was noticing a pattern lately.

At night when it was even colder and the silence wasn't awkward he would let hold his hand and put my face against his shoulder, but come morning it was like he automatically woke up in a bad mood and it took all day to cool off and let me into his world. I sighed again and pushed my hands into my own pockets to keep them at a safe distance.

In the lonely sound of our boots squishing into the snow I let my mind wander, thinking about the things that happened since I met silver again after so long of not seeing him again. I still didn't know why he did the things he did when I first met him… or what corrupted him to steal a pokemon in the first place, but I felt like that didn't matter anymore. I felt like maybe if I just kept looking for the answer I wouldn't need him to tell me. I didn't need him to tell me anymore. It wasn't guilt that would be keeping his secret, it was now that fact that I truly honestly just didn't care.

I would lie to the police time and time again for Silver.

"What is your problem?" he asked suddenly, startling my thoughts back into reality. "You keep sighing."

"Huh? Oh…" I felt heat rise to my face. "I don't know… I guess I just… want to get to the top." I lied so terribly that I was sure he didn't believe me.

For a short second I saw a flash of… something… cross his face. But he hid it well and I was left flustered and willing. Let me hold your hand! I wanted to demand to him. Let me kiss you! But he was too daunting to just demand things out of. I felt small for the first time around him, and I NEVER felt small around him before. I was always the powerful one up until this trip.

We kept walking, picking up pace when the ledges of the mountains weren't as steep and we could see more than ten feet in front of us. Wild pokemon flew in the sky here and there but they never spotted us, or found us threatening. Even so, I decided to let Ty out of his pokeball just in case they decided to attack. He walked with heavy feet and a goofy grin on his face, leaving tiny puddles where his heat melted the snow behind us.

Silver let Sneasel out at one point as well, because she was so enthralled with the snow and the wind that it would be cruel not to let her out. The mischievous pokemon wasn't very behaved though, and kept launching snowballs at my own pokemon. It was a petty game for her because she knew I would never order Ty to attack her, but I could see he was getting irritated. Finally he took shelter at my side so closely that if Sneasel launched another attack it would hit me as well. And she knew better than to hit me.

With an angry little hiss Sneasel proceeded to give up on her game and jump to Silver's shoulder. She perched herself there precisely and nuzzled his face in mock affection, casting unfriendly glances at me and Ty. Silver was oblivious to this, and gave his pokemon a gently pat on the head anyways.

"Phhrrrrooooggnnnn." Ty groaned from next to me, looking from my face to Sneasel on his shoulder and back again. He grinned sheepish and hopeful.

"No!" I shook my head. "Are you crazy?"

He pouted, having known from the beginning that I would never let him ride on my back. I held back laughter, remembering when he was just a Cyndaquil and a young Quilava, when he was small enough to ride on my shoulders. He loved it back then, and I knew he was disappointed now.

Nostalgia over those simple days hit me like a ton of bricks and I couldn't help but notice the dwelling pain that came with it. That was old Gold, trying for one last shot as being something inside me. I realized though, just how distasteful he actually was. It was bittersweet and all, but it wasn't what I wanted. Old Gold was over.

I glanced at Silver.

New Gold was in full affect.

…..

Breathless and exhausted we reached the top.

And it was absolutely stunning. A cascade of new snowfall had frosted over the land, and we could see it, every single tiny fraction of land that stretched in all directions. I could almost make out each city in both directions, being Johto's side, my side, and Kanto's side, Silver's side.

We stood, almost back to back, looking at our worlds below us, holding them in our gaze for what felt like a lifetime. The twisted tree, with the hard as stone bark and ice filled cracks was beside us, reaching up trying to touch the sky, perhaps looking for suicide where the air was so thin you couldn't breathe. It seemed to say "higher! Higher!" with its gnarled limbs and leafless spiny twigs.

This was it, I couldn't help but realize. This was everything that we had set out to accomplish, and for only a second did it feel relevant. The view was amazing, the air was so frozen that I couldn't feel my face, and the snow was so light that it was hard to believe this was the same mountain that had nearly blown me to my death. The wind was mild here.

I pulled down my hood and shook out my soggy hair, running a hand through it and searching the small clearing that was the tip top of this mountain. It was like living in another world. Part of me felt like I should be in more awe than I was, but part of me felt like I was just too shocked that we had actually scaled it to be truly amazing. I didn't know what I was feeling.

I didn't know… not until I looked at Silver that is…

He pulled his hood down as well, revealing the brightness of his eyes and the hidden emotion behind them. I wanted to know what he was thinking… I wanted to know just what he planned on doing now. My mind whirled like a hurricane and I felt so unsteady, so shaky, even though my body was growing hot with affection.

Our eyes met at he didn't look away like I expecting him to, and he didn't look angry or even a little displeased. No… he actually looked very, very satisfied with our achievement. My stomach twisted, was he so satisfied with this whole thing being over? Didn't he feel even a little bit of sadness that we would have to go back down to earth and pick up right where we left off? I blinked at him, my mouth twisting down slightly, a ridicules feeling coming over me.

"Wha— Silver went to ask me, seeing my discomfort on my face, only to be stopped by the sudden, intense moment of which I grabbed his shoulders tightly and leaned in. He had no warning, and it happened to quickly I couldn't even stop myself if I wanted to.

My lips came down on his hard and eager, moving against his while he grew rigid under me. I turned, using my strength to the advantage (though he didn't really put up a fight) and pressed his back up against the cold hard bark of the twisted tree. Snow fell in flurry around us and my stomach was flipping with some strange high that I couldn't understand. New Gold was crazy; that was the only explanation I could come up with.

My hands came up to his face, and I brushed back his hair and let my fingers fall over his neck, moving them up to his jaw. My lips tore open his tight mouth and I fished my tongue into his with delicacy. Hot, steaming moisture was shared between us and I couldn't tell if he was fighting or reacting to this. I slowed, giving my brain time to think, but never once did I stop the rhythmic moving of my lips.

A hand was at my side, that was all I could gather, and his tongue flickered once against mine. I took that as assurance that he fully accepted my kiss—or more so assault via mouth—and gave myself the shallow displeasure of breaking away.

Saliva made his lips glossy looking and his eyes wild. I closed my own, bringing my hands back down to my sides and fully realizing what had just happened. I took a deep shaky breath before looking up at Silver again.

His expression was blank, unreadable, but it was only for a split second before he ripped his arm off my side (he must not have realized it was there) and yanked it up. I didn't see it coming, even though it was right in front of my face, and was too lightheaded to comprehend anything.

Silver punched me.

Stars explode from behind my eyes and blacken out the world around me. I crumpled like an idiot into the cold snow at our feet, shaking vigorously in panic. My body felt detached and for a split second the rejection hit so hard that I was thinking that I hadnt even been punched at all, it was just the rejection that hurt so bad. I also had to come to terms with the fact that no matter how much it hurt, in that particular moment I knew it was one hundred percent completely worth it.

One hundred and ten percent worth it…

And that was the last thing I thought before everything suddenly shut down around me.


	14. Chapter 14

~Silver~

That repulsive, disgusting, stupid boy.

I stormed off the top of the mountain, heart pounding and face hot for the first time in a long time. My stomach was churning in the bad kind of way, the kind of way that made me wonder if I was going to vomit all over the place. I coughed, scowling to myself as I wiped my hand across my sleeve and tried to ignore the taste of his lips on mine.

His tongue… in my mouth… tasting of some cross between spearmint gum he had been chewing loudly earlier, and strange… Gold flavor. I couldn't describe it, it just tasted like him.

And the fact that I had TASTED him at all…

This whole time I had been thinking that maybe… maybe somehow we had begun to understand one another. Not in a sexual way, but in a friendship sort of way. After he nearly died right in front of my eyes, I thought—no—I knew that Gold meant something to me. But certainly not THAT.

…. At least that's what I kept telling myself.

I had to get out of here… Gold freezing atop a mountain passed out by himself didn't matter anymore…

"Forget him." I muttered to myself. He had gotten out of worse situations by himself before… He would be fine.

Cursing to myself I yanked a pokeball from my waist and tossed it up into the air. Crobat burst into a torrent of flapping before it even landed back into my hand, and the faithful flying type gave me a little judge of excitement.

"Get me out of here." I nearly begged, before I could change my mind about Gold and go back to help him. He would be fine… plus I had left both bags with him, which meant he had plenty of supplies. He had his pokemon… he was better off alone than I was.

I shook my head, trying to dislodge the sinking feeling inside. Crobat wasn't the strongest flying pokemon, but he could take me off this mountain quickly since it was a straight drop down. So long as he didn't drop me himself.

Crobat lowered himself to my level and I curled my arms around the thickest part of his body. "Let's go." I said with a sigh, my mind flickering back to the stupid kiss. I squeezed my eyes shut and embraced the fact that things had gone too far. I knew this was going to happen as soon as we had started getting closer to begin with.

Gold and I couldn't be together. It wasn't rational. I was a felon with a shadow hovering over me because of my father's past. I was meant to be alone. And Gold… Gold had all the love in the world with his mother and his friends and championship. He had every right to be happy, I didn't. We belonged in separate worlds and the fact that a stupid mountain could change that… it wasn't rational!

Mt. Silver stood between the region of Johto and Kanto, and it separated the two regions and yet it brought me and Gold together. I hated it. I hated it…

My heart ached as Crobat and I flew from the mountain top. But that was the point… we had to get out of here. Things were bad enough.

This was where it ended.

….

~Gold~

My head was pounding, and I could tell that my left cheek was swollen even before my coherent mind came back to me. I also felt extremely hot; steaming actually. Something seemed to be lapping at my body and making me feel sick with heat. This was impossible… I remembered vaguely the top of the mountain and the twisted tree that I pushed Silver up against. I remembered the snow and the wind and the view of both regions touching one another in harmony. I also remembered the rejections…

My eyes snapped open instantly as I remembered Silver's lips on mine. My first thought was "That asshole!" but then I remembered that it was my fault to begin with. Silver had every right to punch me in the face because I had no right to kiss him.

Grief made it hard to see clearly, and I wasn't paying attention to anything surrounding me, so when a sudden, shrill and excited voice was right in my face I gasped.

"Pii!"

The face of yellow and red cheeked rodent was beside me, with wide brown eyes and scruffy fur and swiveling ears that looked like they had minds of their own. They just kept spinning and swirling on the top of its head, without any sign of stopping. I blinked in confusion before suddenly realizing that this could only be one of two things.

This was either my crazy imagination getting the best of me… or this was the legend Red's pokemon. His number one faithful partner that only stories told about. Pikachu.

"Pi Pika! Chuu!" the pokemon jumped from the rock it was on and yelled, head turning in the other direction, arms flailing as it called for someone.

I stared across from me, wondering where I could possibly be. This was certainly NOT the mountain top that Silver knocked me out on. This was a dank hot cave, lead in only by steaming water—a hot spring deep inside the mountain—and rounded rocks. My body came back to me then and I realized that I was in this water. My face turned a terrible red, more so than it was now.

I was completely stark naked, up to my waist sitting in this water with no sign of my clothes anywhere. My hair was soggy and sticking to my forehead, smelling of dirt and rock and minerals. I glanced at the never ending trail of waist deep water spreading across this place in frustration. What was going on? I swallowed hard, my chest tight and my face throbbing.

"Silver?" I called gently, overshadowed by another one of the pikachu's calls. It jumped narrowly from rock to rock, lashing its tail, wiggling its ears, and sending sparks flying.

I watched it go, awkwardly, unsure of if I should fallow it or try to communicate with it, or just wait and see what happens next. Obviously someone put me hear… and took my clothes. Anger itched its way up my chest. Obviously it had to be Red… who else would it be? And was Silver around? Had he given him the same treatment?

"Silver!" I called, suddenly desperate. My voice was only answered by my own echo and a strange gurgling sound. I whirled, glancing at the green colored mountain water in hopes of finding its source. My feet slipped on the mossy, slimy rocks under me and I stayed down, using my hands to crawl so that I wouldn't be exposed. Where the hell were my clothes!

Bubbles erupted from a spot nearest to me and I had to fight off a scream as my hand came in contact with something sleek but scaly. I gasped, ripped my hands back and scrambled for the nearest rock to grab onto.

A spout of water was followed by the light blue face of a very familiar pokemon. I blinked in astonishment.

"Kingdra?"

He lifted his neck out of the water and his eyes grinned with pleasure. I hadn't the chance to take this pokemon from his ball any time recently, so I knew that this was heaven for him, but at the same time he looked a little like he was teasing. He spit water my way, and it was significantly colder than the rest of this spring. I shuddered.

"How did you get out boy?" I reached my hands forward and took his face in my palms. He blinked his narrow, beady eyes at me and then sniffed softly before pulling away and submerging beneath the water again. I couldn't help but wonder what other pokemon could be around here. I swallowed nervously.

"Your pokemon needed to be let out." A solemn voice came, jolting me back around to where the Pikachu had been running.

Standing in a deeper section of the water with his arms folded was a raven haired boy. I crouched even lower in the shallow area and stared in wonder. The legend… well I guess I expected more from him. Sure he looked more like an alien from another planet standing there with dirt smeared across his face and his skin too pale from lack of sun for who knows how long. His face was absolutely serious, with no sign of cracking a smile or a frown. A neutral pleasure… or maybe it was grief. I couldn't read him like a normal person could be read.

And his eyes… they were crimson… like blood.

For a moment, while that Pikachu was perched on his shoulder, I thought he was going to attack me right then and there. I swallowed the fear rising in my throat.

"Where is Silver? Where are the rest of my pokemon?"

He didn't answer for a long moment, and then when he did it was not with words, but with the turn of his head. He gestured with his chin to a narrow hole in the wall furthest from us. I could see exactly where the water ran out and the mouth of the cave opened up to the outside world. A very faint slither of blinding white from the snow outside showed itself between the rocks.

Red moved then, striding forward, completely ok with his body apparently, because he was just as bare as I was. Pikachu jumped from his shoulder to another boulder and made a faint squeaking noise.

"Silver's out there?" I swallowed as the legend approached me. I tore my eyes from his body, feeling too hot. It didn't feel right to be looking at another guy like this. Not to mention the first glimpse of his package I got showed much more than necessary. I flinched, finding it hard to believe that the legendary Red was capable of being horny.

I ducked into the water and pushed my face into my hands. Do I challenge him? It seemed so wrong to ask someone for a battle in a moment like this… and not to mention I didn't want a battle. I wanted to know where Silver was. And my clothes… and my pokemon.

Red nodded. "Your pokemon."

"And Silver?" I asked without looking at him.

"Your lover?" he mused. "Gone."

"Gone!" I ran a hand through my hair before crouching forward and wrapping my arms around my legs beneath the water. Fear struck me hard and my heart started to beat faster in my chest. Gone? Gone how? He would just… leave? Just like that?

Red had submerged again to my level, hiding his private parts again and swimming like an eel of some sort. He beckoned me with his hand, but I just curled up even tighter.

"Don't you remember?" Red whispered, his chin bobbing up and down into the water as he spoke. His voice was so quiet I could barely hear it. It left no echo throughout the cave like my loud voice did.

"Your lover hit you." He whispered, coming too close to me. I wanted to call out to Kingdra and make him come back to me. He had ice attacks… he could beat that Pikachu… maybe… probably not but it was better than nothing. My heart started to beat faster as he approached me.

"My lover hit me once." He whispered. "Rejection hurts doesn't it?"

I couldn't respond, but my teeth were grinding with anger. How do you treat the most powerful trainer in the world when they steal your clothes and come at you fully naked? Part of me wanted to punch HIM in his face, and the other part of me was too afraid that he would go ballistic. He looked pretty crazy… what with those blood red eyes.

"He's not my lover." I choked out. "And no." but who was I kidding? Rejection hut more than my face did.

"You kissed him like he was your lover." Red approached me and I felt his hand slip over my wrist softly. I curled my hand up into a ball and tried to shuffle away. Surprisingly enough I was bigger than Red, with wider shoulders and from the feel of his hand, I was pretty sure he was petite all around. I was probably taller as well.

"Don't run away." Red stated calmly as I tried to squirm out from his grasp. He clutched my wist harder and stood up, probably on his knees, trying to bring me up with him.

I wouldn't look him in the eyes and found it harder to breathe when he touched me. I felt absolutely miserable.

"Stop." I felt anger stir inside me and I didn't have a choice but to yank my hand away harshly. "I have to leave, just… just tell me where my clothes and pokemon are."

Red looked hurt for a second, but it didn't last. His solemn eyes didn't change in the slightest as he leaned forward again, ignoring my demand and wrapping his arms around my shoulders.

"Get the fuck off!" I hissed and shoved him, harder this time. "What is your problem?"

"You're hurt."

"I'm fine!" I pushed up with my knees and stood at his level. My torso was longer than his so I was looking down at him.

"No." Red shook his head. "I've seen every kind of person there is and I know you're not fine. You're hurt. Look at you." His hand came up gently to grip my chin. I squeezed my eyes shut as his other hand wrapped around my wrist again. His voice was tender, sensitive. I seemed to realize with a start this the legendary Red was… gay?

I gripped his hand as easily as I could, but it was still pretty hard, and pushed it back to his side. I pulled my chin from his fingers and turned away. "I just have to leave…"

"Are you going after him?" Red murmured. "And… you're not here to battle are you?"

"No." I said instantly. Battling was the last thing on my mind. "I just have to find Silver."

"You should rest for a night."

"No!" I was at a rocks side now, contemplating flashing him some ass in order to get out and walk away. He wouldn't care would he? He flashed me after all.

"I could show you a good time." Red offered, as if that would convince me. But the idea repulsed me, strangely, I felt like I did before New Gold had taken over. The idea of being intimate with any other male nauseated me. I felt like the old me for a second, and stayed put in the water. I didn't want to give him the shallow pleasure of seeing any part of me that shouldn't be seen.

"Do you think I'm gay?" I asked strangely, not sure if I actually was or not. It seemed now that I was thinking about it; the only person I had ever really liked in general was Silver. I didn't feel gay… I felt like a man. A hell of a lot more of a man than Red too.

"I know you're gay…" Red said confidently. "And you just got rejected, which is why I'm having a hard time believing that you don't want to battle and you don't want to spend the night with me."

The champion… who would have thought… the strongest trainer in the world was gay. Obviously this was a secret, since I had never heard of it before. But he didn't seem ashamed of it either. He looked pretty proud to me—if you could call that emotion on his face pride.

"I'm not gay for you." I shot him a glare. "And I don't want to be your sex partner for the night."

Red shrugged softly. "A guy can try cant he? I'm up here all alone all the time and then you show up and start sucking tongue with that… that stunning—

"Stop!—just…. Stop." I shook my head, covering my face with my hands and shaking the growing feeling of vulnerability. I wasn't sure what was worse. Him not speaking to me and being mysterious, or him trying to seduce me by pointing out the obvious. Of course I knew how stunning Silver was.

"That one was a prize." The perverted legend grew quiet again. "The ones that run are the best ones to have."

"Would you just shut up!" I snarled, whipping around and slashing at the steaming water. It went up in a small wave and landed in even tinier droplets around him. He was unfazed by the water, but maybe a little disgruntled by the anger in my voice.

"You don't think I know that?" I hissed. "That's why I have to leave now to go after him! And what do you know about relationships anyways? You live in a cave in the middle of a mountain; I find it hard to believe you have good advice to give."

"I'm not stopping you from leaving." He stated calmly, unfazed. "You go ahead and go. But… I do have some advice to give… and I do know about relationships."

"I don't believe you." For being a legend he wasn't very strong looking, or helpful, or even admirable. I actually was starting to dislike the trainer.

"Are you always going to be chasing him?" he asked me, ignoring my insult. "Because if you're always chasing then he's always going to be running."

"I don't know what you mean."

"Are you leaving? Or are you listening to me?" he wondered, coming forward in the water, standing tall again and showing off that too-big-for-the-moment dick of his. I looked away, gripping the rocks at the side of the pool and taking an unsteadying breath. There was obviously no shame here, so what was the point in trying to hide it? I wasn't the one that was hard here.

"Kingdra?" I called loud enough so that the cave echoed softly. Kingdra had precise hearing even in the water and I knew that in a second it would be surfacing.

"Your pokeballs are just around the corner." Red said, sounding nonchalant as I pushed up in the rocks and hauled myself onto the land. Cool air wrapped around me like a blanket yet I still felt completely exposed. Not to mention Red's eyes were boring into my back. I clenched my hands and walked forward the direction of the cave exit.

"Nice ass." Red whispered just loud enough for me to hear him. I could only flinch and pretend I hadn't.

It was an extremely long walk as I stepped lightly through the pebbles and around the boulders lining the water. Red's Pikachu followed me for a moment, waggling those ears stupidly. I wanted to kick it, which was terribly mean, but honestly there was no reason for its following. Part of me actually felt bad for it being stuck here with that psycho trainer.

Just as Red said, my pokeballs (as well as my clothes and other stuff) were placed neatly around the corner. I sighed with relief when I was out of view from the champion and could dress on my own. My heart ached as I searched my bag for the cleanest pair of pants I could find, because I saw that Silver's bag of supplies was there with mine. Meaning he left with nothing but the clothes on his back and his pokemon.

He wasn't so stupid as to try and make his way back down the mountain by himself was he? I started to rush, slipping into the clothes with my wet skin and not caring. I snatched Kingdra's pokeball and walked swiftly back to the cave were Red was out of the water now, waiting with folded arms again. My eyes met his boner once again and I looked away with a disgusted "uggghh"

"Can't you wear clothes!" I groaned, shielding my eyes from his body and calling Kingdra back quickly. He looked a little saddened to have to get out of the warm water, but it couldn't be helped.

"Why should I? No one comes up the mountain in the winter anyways."

"Obviously you're wrong, because I did."

He ignored me again. "If you are leaving can you do me a favor?"

"Why should I do you a favor?" I stared at the ground, listening with stiffness as his footsteps neared me.

"If I remember correctly, it's nearly Christmas time." Red went on, coming closer with all his bare ass nakedness. I flinched as his hand touched mine again, stuffing something between my fingers into my clenched palm. I glanced down at it, but made the mistake of noticing his sex organ once again. I tore my eyes up to the only safe place there was—the ceiling- and holding my breath to cage in the frustration. I tried my hardest to push the imagine out of my head.

"Will you take this to the Viridian city gym leader for me?" he let his fingers twist in mine for a second before gripping my wrist and leaning up to peck me on the cheek.

"Fuck off!" I shoved him, but held tight to the thing he put in my hand. It was a necklace, with a long silver chain and a yellow and green pendant hanging from it. I wanted to throw it as hard as I could and watch it shatter against the stone walls, but it was just too expensive looking. That would be cruel.

Red—to my astonishment—chuckled softly. "Thanks for the favor. I know he will understand."

With a huff I turned and stormed away from him.

"Oh and one more thing!" Red called after me as I shrugged on one backpack and grasped the other in my hand. "Your lover flew away with his Crobat, so I gather he's already made it off the mountain. You were passed out for a whole day."

A whole day? My heart did a nervous little jump. Silver could be anywhere by now.

"Good luck!" the champion added as I neared the pale outside world once again. I heard a very faint "you will need it" as well.

Would I? I shook my head, thinking that there really wasn't anything I could do… I could find Silver but then what? Obviously he didn't want this thing we had going to last. It was obvious he didn't like my affection. I ran a hand through my hair nervously like I always do, and squinted into the dull sunlight. It wasn't snowing hard like it had been before so it would be an easier flight back down to the regions.

And then what?

I found myself asking the same questions over and over again… And then what? Then what? What happens next? It was terribly repetitive to not know where your life was taking you. I was flustered and shaking by the time I reached the side of the mountain and stared out across the region of Kanto. Silver hated Johto so I knew he would have gone back to Kanto… probably Viridian city again. Maybe even the Viridian forest.

I was also reminded vaguely about falling off the side of one of those cliffs. My life had been more important to Silver than showing me affection, because when he found out that I hadn't died right in front of him, he had hugged me and held me so tightly I couldn't contain myself. He was wrapping me around his finger and I was falling hard. Harder than I ever could have fallen from the cliff of the mountain.

I took a deep breath and grasped Skarmory's pokeball between my hands, mentally preparing myself for the flight. I didn't like making my pokemon travel long distances carrying me, but I knew that she would understand. Of all the support in the world it seemed my pokemon had supplied the most of it. They all knew what was going on here… some of them probably knew—or at least understood—before even I did.

I called Skarmory out and bit my lip in anticipation. What if Silver wasn't in Viridian? Or Kanto at all? What if he figured that would be too easy for me to guess? He could have gone back to Johto… even though he wouldn't have wanted to.

"Sssssscaaaarrraaa!" Skarmory could see the fear in my eyes. She hovered in front of me, showing her support and determination. Her face said "we will find him", and I never felt more proud of my pokemon.

I swallowed once and nodded to her. "Let's go."


	15. Chapter 15

~Silver~

That repulsive, disgusting, stupid boy.

I stormed off the top of the mountain, heart pounding and face hot for the first time in a long time. My stomach was churning in the bad kind of way, the kind of way that made me wonder if I was going to vomit all over the place. I coughed, scowling to myself as I wiped my hand across my sleeve and tried to ignore the taste of his lips on mine.

His tongue… in my mouth… tasting of some cross between spearmint gum he had been chewing loudly earlier, and strange… Gold flavor. I couldn't describe it, it just tasted like him.

And the fact that I had TASTED him at all…

This whole time I had been thinking that maybe… maybe somehow we had begun to understand one another. Not in a sexual way, but in a friendship sort of way. After he nearly died right in front of my eyes, I thought—no—I knew that Gold meant something to me. But certainly not THAT.

…. At least that's what I kept telling myself.

I had to get out of here… Gold freezing atop a mountain passed out by himself didn't matter anymore…

"Forget him." I muttered to myself. He had gotten out of worse situations by himself before… He would be fine.

Cursing to myself I yanked a pokeball from my waist and tossed it up into the air. Crobat burst into a torrent of flapping before it even landed back into my hand, and the faithful flying type gave me a little judge of excitement.

"Get me out of here." I nearly begged, before I could change my mind about Gold and go back to help him. He would be fine… plus I had left both bags with him, which meant he had plenty of supplies. He had his pokemon… he was better off alone than I was.

I shook my head, trying to dislodge the sinking feeling inside. Crobat wasn't the strongest flying pokemon, but he could take me off this mountain quickly since it was a straight drop down. So long as he didn't drop me himself.

Crobat lowered himself to my level and I curled my arms around the thickest part of his body. "Let's go." I said with a sigh, my mind flickering back to the stupid kiss. I squeezed my eyes shut and embraced the fact that things had gone too far. I knew this was going to happen as soon as we had started getting closer to begin with.

Gold and I couldn't be together. It wasn't rational. I was a felon with a shadow hovering over me because of my father's past. I was meant to be alone. And Gold… Gold had all the love in the world with his mother and his friends and championship. He had every right to be happy, I didn't. We belonged in separate worlds and the fact that a stupid mountain could change that… it wasn't rational!

Mt. Silver stood between the region of Johto and Kanto, and it separated the two regions and yet it brought me and Gold together. I hated it. I hated it…

My heart ached as Crobat and I flew from the mountain top. But that was the point… we had to get out of here. Things were bad enough.

This was where it ended.

….

~Gold~

My head was pounding, and I could tell that my left cheek was swollen even before my coherent mind came back to me. I also felt extremely hot; steaming actually. Something seemed to be lapping at my body and making me feel sick with heat. This was impossible… I remembered vaguely the top of the mountain and the twisted tree that I pushed Silver up against. I remembered the snow and the wind and the view of both regions touching one another in harmony. I also remembered the rejections…

My eyes snapped open instantly as I remembered Silver's lips on mine. My first thought was "That asshole!" but then I remembered that it was my fault to begin with. Silver had every right to punch me in the face because I had no right to kiss him.

Grief made it hard to see clearly, and I wasn't paying attention to anything surrounding me, so when a sudden, shrill and excited voice was right in my face I gasped.

"Pii!"

The face of yellow and red cheeked rodent was beside me, with wide brown eyes and scruffy fur and swiveling ears that looked like they had minds of their own. They just kept spinning and swirling on the top of its head, without any sign of stopping. I blinked in confusion before suddenly realizing that this could only be one of two things.

This was either my crazy imagination getting the best of me… or this was the legend Red's pokemon. His number one faithful partner that only stories told about. Pikachu.

"Pi Pika! Chuu!" the pokemon jumped from the rock it was on and yelled, head turning in the other direction, arms flailing as it called for someone.

I stared across from me, wondering where I could possibly be. This was certainly NOT the mountain top that Silver knocked me out on. This was a dank hot cave, lead in only by steaming water—a hot spring deep inside the mountain—and rounded rocks. My body came back to me then and I realized that I was in this water. My face turned a terrible red, more so than it was now.

I was completely stark naked, up to my waist sitting in this water with no sign of my clothes anywhere. My hair was soggy and sticking to my forehead, smelling of dirt and rock and minerals. I glanced at the never ending trail of waist deep water spreading across this place in frustration. What was going on? I swallowed hard, my chest tight and my face throbbing.

"Silver?" I called gently, overshadowed by another one of the pikachu's calls. It jumped narrowly from rock to rock, lashing its tail, wiggling its ears, and sending sparks flying.

I watched it go, awkwardly, unsure of if I should fallow it or try to communicate with it, or just wait and see what happens next. Obviously someone put me hear… and took my clothes. Anger itched its way up my chest. Obviously it had to be Red… who else would it be? And was Silver around? Had he given him the same treatment?

"Silver!" I called, suddenly desperate. My voice was only answered by my own echo and a strange gurgling sound. I whirled, glancing at the green colored mountain water in hopes of finding its source. My feet slipped on the mossy, slimy rocks under me and I stayed down, using my hands to crawl so that I wouldn't be exposed. Where the hell were my clothes!

Bubbles erupted from a spot nearest to me and I had to fight off a scream as my hand came in contact with something sleek but scaly. I gasped, ripped my hands back and scrambled for the nearest rock to grab onto.

A spout of water was followed by the light blue face of a very familiar pokemon. I blinked in astonishment.

"Kingdra?"

He lifted his neck out of the water and his eyes grinned with pleasure. I hadn't the chance to take this pokemon from his ball any time recently, so I knew that this was heaven for him, but at the same time he looked a little like he was teasing. He spit water my way, and it was significantly colder than the rest of this spring. I shuddered.

"How did you get out boy?" I reached my hands forward and took his face in my palms. He blinked his narrow, beady eyes at me and then sniffed softly before pulling away and submerging beneath the water again. I couldn't help but wonder what other pokemon could be around here. I swallowed nervously.

"Your pokemon needed to be let out." A solemn voice came, jolting me back around to where the Pikachu had been running.

Standing in a deeper section of the water with his arms folded was a raven haired boy. I crouched even lower in the shallow area and stared in wonder. The legend… well I guess I expected more from him. Sure he looked more like an alien from another planet standing there with dirt smeared across his face and his skin too pale from lack of sun for who knows how long. His face was absolutely serious, with no sign of cracking a smile or a frown. A neutral pleasure… or maybe it was grief. I couldn't read him like a normal person could be read.

And his eyes… they were crimson… like blood.

For a moment, while that Pikachu was perched on his shoulder, I thought he was going to attack me right then and there. I swallowed the fear rising in my throat.

"Where is Silver? Where are the rest of my pokemon?"

He didn't answer for a long moment, and then when he did it was not with words, but with the turn of his head. He gestured with his chin to a narrow hole in the wall furthest from us. I could see exactly where the water ran out and the mouth of the cave opened up to the outside world. A very faint slither of blinding white from the snow outside showed itself between the rocks.

Red moved then, striding forward, completely ok with his body apparently, because he was just as bare as I was. Pikachu jumped from his shoulder to another boulder and made a faint squeaking noise.

"Silver's out there?" I swallowed as the legend approached me. I tore my eyes from his body, feeling too hot. It didn't feel right to be looking at another guy like this. Not to mention the first glimpse of his package I got showed much more than necessary. I flinched, finding it hard to believe that the legendary Red was capable of being horny.

I ducked into the water and pushed my face into my hands. Do I challenge him? It seemed so wrong to ask someone for a battle in a moment like this… and not to mention I didn't want a battle. I wanted to know where Silver was. And my clothes… and my pokemon.

Red nodded. "Your pokemon."

"And Silver?" I asked without looking at him.

"Your lover?" he mused. "Gone."

"Gone!" I ran a hand through my hair before crouching forward and wrapping my arms around my legs beneath the water. Fear struck me hard and my heart started to beat faster in my chest. Gone? Gone how? He would just… leave? Just like that?

Red had submerged again to my level, hiding his private parts again and swimming like an eel of some sort. He beckoned me with his hand, but I just curled up even tighter.

"Don't you remember?" Red whispered, his chin bobbing up and down into the water as he spoke. His voice was so quiet I could barely hear it. It left no echo throughout the cave like my loud voice did.

"Your lover hit you." He whispered, coming too close to me. I wanted to call out to Kingdra and make him come back to me. He had ice attacks… he could beat that Pikachu… maybe… probably not but it was better than nothing. My heart started to beat faster as he approached me.

"My lover hit me once." He whispered. "Rejection hurts doesn't it?"

I couldn't respond, but my teeth were grinding with anger. How do you treat the most powerful trainer in the world when they steal your clothes and come at you fully naked? Part of me wanted to punch HIM in his face, and the other part of me was too afraid that he would go ballistic. He looked pretty crazy… what with those blood red eyes.

"He's not my lover." I choked out. "And no." but who was I kidding? Rejection hut more than my face did.

"You kissed him like he was your lover." Red approached me and I felt his hand slip over my wrist softly. I curled my hand up into a ball and tried to shuffle away. Surprisingly enough I was bigger than Red, with wider shoulders and from the feel of his hand, I was pretty sure he was petite all around. I was probably taller as well.

"Don't run away." Red stated calmly as I tried to squirm out from his grasp. He clutched my wist harder and stood up, probably on his knees, trying to bring me up with him.

I wouldn't look him in the eyes and found it harder to breathe when he touched me. I felt absolutely miserable.

"Stop." I felt anger stir inside me and I didn't have a choice but to yank my hand away harshly. "I have to leave, just… just tell me where my clothes and pokemon are."

Red looked hurt for a second, but it didn't last. His solemn eyes didn't change in the slightest as he leaned forward again, ignoring my demand and wrapping his arms around my shoulders.

"Get the fuck off!" I hissed and shoved him, harder this time. "What is your problem?"

"You're hurt."

"I'm fine!" I pushed up with my knees and stood at his level. My torso was longer than his so I was looking down at him.

"No." Red shook his head. "I've seen every kind of person there is and I know you're not fine. You're hurt. Look at you." His hand came up gently to grip my chin. I squeezed my eyes shut as his other hand wrapped around my wrist again. His voice was tender, sensitive. I seemed to realize with a start this the legendary Red was… gay?

I gripped his hand as easily as I could, but it was still pretty hard, and pushed it back to his side. I pulled my chin from his fingers and turned away. "I just have to leave…"

"Are you going after him?" Red murmured. "And… you're not here to battle are you?"

"No." I said instantly. Battling was the last thing on my mind. "I just have to find Silver."

"You should rest for a night."

"No!" I was at a rocks side now, contemplating flashing him some ass in order to get out and walk away. He wouldn't care would he? He flashed me after all.

"I could show you a good time." Red offered, as if that would convince me. But the idea repulsed me, strangely, I felt like I did before New Gold had taken over. The idea of being intimate with any other male nauseated me. I felt like the old me for a second, and stayed put in the water. I didn't want to give him the shallow pleasure of seeing any part of me that shouldn't be seen.

"Do you think I'm gay?" I asked strangely, not sure if I actually was or not. It seemed now that I was thinking about it; the only person I had ever really liked in general was Silver. I didn't feel gay… I felt like a man. A hell of a lot more of a man than Red too.

"I know you're gay…" Red said confidently. "And you just got rejected, which is why I'm having a hard time believing that you don't want to battle and you don't want to spend the night with me."

The champion… who would have thought… the strongest trainer in the world was gay. Obviously this was a secret, since I had never heard of it before. But he didn't seem ashamed of it either. He looked pretty proud to me—if you could call that emotion on his face pride.

"I'm not gay for you." I shot him a glare. "And I don't want to be your sex partner for the night."

Red shrugged softly. "A guy can try cant he? I'm up here all alone all the time and then you show up and start sucking tongue with that… that stunning—

"Stop!—just…. Stop." I shook my head, covering my face with my hands and shaking the growing feeling of vulnerability. I wasn't sure what was worse. Him not speaking to me and being mysterious, or him trying to seduce me by pointing out the obvious. Of course I knew how stunning Silver was.

"That one was a prize." The perverted legend grew quiet again. "The ones that run are the best ones to have."

"Would you just shut up!" I snarled, whipping around and slashing at the steaming water. It went up in a small wave and landed in even tinier droplets around him. He was unfazed by the water, but maybe a little disgruntled by the anger in my voice.

"You don't think I know that?" I hissed. "That's why I have to leave now to go after him! And what do you know about relationships anyways? You live in a cave in the middle of a mountain; I find it hard to believe you have good advice to give."

"I'm not stopping you from leaving." He stated calmly, unfazed. "You go ahead and go. But… I do have some advice to give… and I do know about relationships."

"I don't believe you." For being a legend he wasn't very strong looking, or helpful, or even admirable. I actually was starting to dislike the trainer.

"Are you always going to be chasing him?" he asked me, ignoring my insult. "Because if you're always chasing then he's always going to be running."

"I don't know what you mean."

"Are you leaving? Or are you listening to me?" he wondered, coming forward in the water, standing tall again and showing off that too-big-for-the-moment dick of his. I looked away, gripping the rocks at the side of the pool and taking an unsteadying breath. There was obviously no shame here, so what was the point in trying to hide it? I wasn't the one that was hard here.

"Kingdra?" I called loud enough so that the cave echoed softly. Kingdra had precise hearing even in the water and I knew that in a second it would be surfacing.

"Your pokeballs are just around the corner." Red said, sounding nonchalant as I pushed up in the rocks and hauled myself onto the land. Cool air wrapped around me like a blanket yet I still felt completely exposed. Not to mention Red's eyes were boring into my back. I clenched my hands and walked forward the direction of the cave exit.

"Nice ass." Red whispered just loud enough for me to hear him. I could only flinch and pretend I hadn't.

It was an extremely long walk as I stepped lightly through the pebbles and around the boulders lining the water. Red's Pikachu followed me for a moment, waggling those ears stupidly. I wanted to kick it, which was terribly mean, but honestly there was no reason for its following. Part of me actually felt bad for it being stuck here with that psycho trainer.

Just as Red said, my pokeballs (as well as my clothes and other stuff) were placed neatly around the corner. I sighed with relief when I was out of view from the champion and could dress on my own. My heart ached as I searched my bag for the cleanest pair of pants I could find, because I saw that Silver's bag of supplies was there with mine. Meaning he left with nothing but the clothes on his back and his pokemon.

He wasn't so stupid as to try and make his way back down the mountain by himself was he? I started to rush, slipping into the clothes with my wet skin and not caring. I snatched Kingdra's pokeball and walked swiftly back to the cave were Red was out of the water now, waiting with folded arms again. My eyes met his boner once again and I looked away with a disgusted "uggghh"

"Can't you wear clothes!" I groaned, shielding my eyes from his body and calling Kingdra back quickly. He looked a little saddened to have to get out of the warm water, but it couldn't be helped.

"Why should I? No one comes up the mountain in the winter anyways."

"Obviously you're wrong, because I did."

He ignored me again. "If you are leaving can you do me a favor?"

"Why should I do you a favor?" I stared at the ground, listening with stiffness as his footsteps neared me.

"If I remember correctly, it's nearly Christmas time." Red went on, coming closer with all his bare ass nakedness. I flinched as his hand touched mine again, stuffing something between my fingers into my clenched palm. I glanced down at it, but made the mistake of noticing his sex organ once again. I tore my eyes up to the only safe place there was—the ceiling- and holding my breath to cage in the frustration. I tried my hardest to push the imagine out of my head.

"Will you take this to the Viridian city gym leader for me?" he let his fingers twist in mine for a second before gripping my wrist and leaning up to peck me on the cheek.

"Fuck off!" I shoved him, but held tight to the thing he put in my hand. It was a necklace, with a long silver chain and a yellow and green pendant hanging from it. I wanted to throw it as hard as I could and watch it shatter against the stone walls, but it was just too expensive looking. That would be cruel.

Red—to my astonishment—chuckled softly. "Thanks for the favor. I know he will understand."

With a huff I turned and stormed away from him.

"Oh and one more thing!" Red called after me as I shrugged on one backpack and grasped the other in my hand. "Your lover flew away with his Crobat, so I gather he's already made it off the mountain. You were passed out for a whole day."

A whole day? My heart did a nervous little jump. Silver could be anywhere by now.

"Good luck!" the champion added as I neared the pale outside world once again. I heard a very faint "you will need it" as well.

Would I? I shook my head, thinking that there really wasn't anything I could do… I could find Silver but then what? Obviously he didn't want this thing we had going to last. It was obvious he didn't like my affection. I ran a hand through my hair nervously like I always do, and squinted into the dull sunlight. It wasn't snowing hard like it had been before so it would be an easier flight back down to the regions.

And then what?

I found myself asking the same questions over and over again… And then what? Then what? What happens next? It was terribly repetitive to not know where your life was taking you. I was flustered and shaking by the time I reached the side of the mountain and stared out across the region of Kanto. Silver hated Johto so I knew he would have gone back to Kanto… probably Viridian city again. Maybe even the Viridian forest.

I was also reminded vaguely about falling off the side of one of those cliffs. My life had been more important to Silver than showing me affection, because when he found out that I hadn't died right in front of him, he had hugged me and held me so tightly I couldn't contain myself. He was wrapping me around his finger and I was falling hard. Harder than I ever could have fallen from the cliff of the mountain.

I took a deep breath and grasped Skarmory's pokeball between my hands, mentally preparing myself for the flight. I didn't like making my pokemon travel long distances carrying me, but I knew that she would understand. Of all the support in the world it seemed my pokemon had supplied the most of it. They all knew what was going on here… some of them probably knew—or at least understood—before even I did.

I called Skarmory out and bit my lip in anticipation. What if Silver wasn't in Viridian? Or Kanto at all? What if he figured that would be too easy for me to guess? He could have gone back to Johto… even though he wouldn't have wanted to.

"Sssssscaaaarrraaa!" Skarmory could see the fear in my eyes. She hovered in front of me, showing her support and determination. Her face said "we will find him", and I never felt more proud of my pokemon.

I swallowed once and nodded to her. "Let's go."


	16. Chapter 16

~Silver~

Sneasel sat in my lap, fidgeting and twitching as we waiting for our coffee. It was two days since I got back down from that dreaded mountain, and I was still exhausted as ever. A forever chill seemed to lodge itself inside of me and I couldn't shake the feeling of dread either. I wasn't myself… I felt awful, I had a sore throat, plenty of still unhealed cuts and bruises, and a guilty conscious.

Hours after I left the mountain top with Crobat I realized just how cruel I had been. Gold had shown me nothing but devotion and affection. Even if I didn't want either of those things he was still there… and I would have died on that mountain if it wasn't for him.

I wouldn't have gone in the first place if it wasn't for him… but still.

We had helped each other. Kept each other warm on the coldest nights, taken care of injuries, exchanged words of encouragement and plenty more. I couldn't stop replaying the conversations that we had up there, and the moments we shared. I was thinking about that legendary bird Moltres, and the giant pidgeot that knocked Gold from the cliff side.

My reaction to when he fell…

That night was the most intimate I had ever been with anyone, and it was the hardest memory to let go. I could still feel his face pressed against my shoulder, and his hands wrapped together with mine. I could smell his pleasant, subtle scent that clung to his clothes.

"Are you ok Silver?" A familiar voice broke me away from my daydream. I hadn't realized it until now that I had my eyes closed and my chin resting atop Sneasel's head. She blinked up at me as I pulled back, and then turned her attention to the two cups of coffee that were set down on the table in front of us.

The oldest sister approached and was smiling down at me with sensitive eyes. "We haven't seen you around in a while?" she probed.

It was a very quiet Tuesday morning in the coffee shop that I visited often, and without having been here in over two weeks now, I knew that the family owners were slightly worried.

"I was at Mt. Silver." I said slowly.

Her eyes grew huge. "What?" and just like that she sat down across from me. "No wonder you look so terrible. Are you sick? Did you get hurt?"

I was shaking my head. "Just tired."

Sneasel reached across the table swiftly and snagged the coffee mug by the handle with her long claws. I didn't usually let her have stuff like that, since the sugar and caffeine was the LAST thing a hyperactive pokemon like her needed, but today I didn't have the strength to tell her no. She lapped at it with her pale pink tongue smiling hugely.

"How far did you get? Was it horrible?" the oldest sister asked.

I reached across the table to grab my own drink. I took a small sip and ignored the way it nearly cooked my tongue.

Blisters? Who gives a shit…

"I made it to the top." I said awkwardly. "The very… very top."

"Oh…" Her voice got sympathetic. "Did you get beat?"

"What?"

"The champion Red… he beat you in battle?"

"Oh… No—No I didn't battle him at all." I shook my head. "I didn't actually see him…"

"So you came back down… just like that?" her eyes narrowed slightly at me in confusion. "I don't understand…"

"It's nothing… I just—I just had to come down is all." I looked at the dark, nearly black liquid in my mug.

"Silver, something happened didn't it?" she questioned. "You don't normally—

"Donna!" the eccentric younger brother, Duke, of the coffee shop called across the restaurant to us. He had his pokemon perched over his shoulder as usual, but his eyes were wild with fright. "The machine is backed up again!"

I sighed when my harasser got up and left the table. She left me nothing but a flash of disbelief as she half ran back to the kitchen yelling "I told you not to use that brand!"

I wasn't easy to talk about what a failure you are, and talking about why I left that mountain top like I did was basically the same thing. I left the only person that ever really cared about me alone up there… and I could only hope that he woke up soon enough not to get hypothermia.

But even so… I had sent Crobat back up to the top of the mountain the next morning after I got back into town. Even if I didn't want to be around Gold anymore—even though I did—I had to make sure he wasn't dead. Crobat came back quickly though, unalarmed and I translated that as he was fine. Gold was a fighter… he wouldn't have any problem surviving.

Unless of course he was knocked off another cliff…

I buried my face into Sneasel's back and groaned, hating myself more than anything. I didn't want to care about Gold anymore! I didn't want to feel this guilt. All I wanted was for this whole thing to never have happened. Had I not been in viridian forest that night none of this would have happened anyways… I could have avoided all this grief.

And yet… somewhere beyond my conscious mind a longing grew. There was a reason I had come back to Viridian city rather than running away while I had the chance. I could have been half way to Unova by now… if I really wanted to. And yet here I was… sitting in the same coffee shop that me and Gold had met up at by accident before our journey. I didn't doubt the subconscious significance in that.

Sneasel turned up to look at me, with her narrow yellow eyes and sleek fur. I blinked down at her, surprised to find that she was being so good with coffee in her system. Her skinny arms came up against my chest then, and I thought maybe it was a trick at first, but no. She was genuinely trying to make me feel better. She nuzzled my shoulder slightly and made a soft mewling noise.

I pet her on the head gently and whispered. "What am I supposed to do?"

I was forced to come to terms with the fact that I really did like Gold… as a friend or more I wasn't sure; all I knew was that I wanted to be with him. I wanted to see him and—god forbid—if I was being honest with myself I kind of missed the way we were.

It upset me to know that I had worked myself up so much over enjoying his company that I actually scared myself with it. If I hadn't been planning that I would leave Gold once we reached the top of the mountain, then I knew I wouldn't have punched him for kissing me. All the mental preparation I had been drilling into my head set me up for disaster.

I didn't want to punch him… I just… freaked out...

His intimacy was too much for me, I couldn't stand it. And like most things in the world that I couldn't stand, I ran from. There was a point in time when you had to admit defeat, I realized with another dreadful sigh. This running, this fear of being with someone—anyone—was defeating me. I was really starting to hate myself.

Part of just wanted to go find Gold and apologize. I wanted to make things right for what I did. I wanted to make sure he was ok. That mountain couldn't have done anything too horrible to him… right?

I remembered his lips on mine and the way they moved and kneaded against me. I had tingled all over, and though I was stiff as a board I didn't miss the way his hips had been smothering mine. That was a form of sexual harassment right? So why had I reacted to it by putting my hand up against his side, just under his arm. Had I been trying to feel his ribs? I shivered. Or had it been his tight back muscles?

In that moment my mind was lost and had been acting on instinct more than anything else. It was my first actual kiss so I hadn't a clue on what to do rationally. All I remember was the gentle flicker of my tongue against his. It sounded strange, but his tongue had seemed to vibrate against mine. He moved it very fast at first, and then slower and rhythmically once I had a pool of hot saliva worked up in the back of my throat. Half of that saliva had been his too.

I remembered that moment of release between us, and how my very first thought had been "why?" because for some strange reason I had been enjoying that make out session, even if I only lasted a few seconds. My eyes had been open the whole time, like a deerling caught in a pair of headlights, so I didn't miss the trail of slick that had clung between our lips before dropping apart and slithering down my chin.

And then my mind had caught back up with my heart. I realized just how much I enjoyed what we did, and it frightened me into violence. I was so mad at myself that I just had to hit something. That something ended up being Gold, and while he crumpled on the ground I had made my escape. It was too easy to stand there and wait for him to snap out of it… I could have done that, but I had been so wound up.

Sneasel was jittery and wound up in my lap now, squirming about trying to take sips of my coffee now that she finished hers. I let her because my stomach was in a knot and I knew I wouldn't drink it any time soon. Plus I wanted to get out of here before Donna could harass me about what happened on that mountain again.

But where did I have to go? All the things I had traveled with I left with Gold… all I had was the clothes on my back and my pokemon and wallet with a never-ending money card. Sure I could go buy all the things I needed, but it didn't feel right. I could go buy a huge house on a beach somewhere and it wouldn't put a dent in the supply that I had gotten from training and my father's failures. And even if I did I knew it wouldn't make me happy.

Nothing would make me happy right now. I had the opportunity to get damn near anything I could possibly want and yet what I wanted was so far out of my reach. The one thing that actually made me forget about my past and the people that did wrong to me, not to mention the things I had done wrong myself, was gone.

I ruined everything between me and Gold, and now I didn't know how to get it back.


	17. Chapter 17

~Gold~

It was a two day trip back down the mountain, and that gave me too much time to think. While Skarmory could have flown me alone down in probably a day, all the extra supplies and the freezing weather made it hard. Her steel body was extremely uncomfortable and even painful in this kind of weather. I only realized afterwards though what a drawback wasting time could have been when it was too late.

Two days alone on the mountain… one dreadfully long night where I cried myself to sleep, too choked in the fact that I was so stupid to believe I could find Silver after what happened. I had come to the realization that he just didn't care about me. What other option was there to the fact that he always acted so strangely to my actions? I only wanted to show him that I cared about him… and yet all it had done was pissed him off.

My face was still bruised by the time I got back down to earth, and freezing as it was I walked Victory road and swam the short length of ocean through the night to get back home to New Bark Town. It was time I settled my priorities.

Collapsing against my front door I knocked weakly. It was about five in the morning and I could barely stand on my own two feet. My lips where blue with frost, my hair soaked and strewn across my face, my clothes drenched and my teeth chattering uncontrollably. It was all I could manage to bang once, which probably scared my mother half to death.

The door swung open with a creak and I nearly fell into my front entryway. Narrowly I grasped the door and clung tight, breathing heavily and staring into the eyes of a stranger. My heart almost stopped, right then and there, and I felt tears swelling in my eyes. Exhaustion made everything harder to deal with, but this… this was something else.

"Who the hell are you?" a hairy old man without a shirt and a horrible muffin top demanded, shoving me off my door. For a moment I thought I was going crazy, and that maybe I had knocked on the neighbors door, but glancing over to the left I could see that the small chips were still carved into the white railing leading up the my porch. Every birthday since I was born was chipped into that wood, showing my inconsistent growth over a span of nearly eighteen years.

I swallowed my grief. "Di—Di- Did yo—you ju—just—mo—move—i—In?" I spluttered. Angry brown eyes bore down on me, but I did not meet them. I was too busy looking past him into the familiar but terribly different house I grew up in. None of our bland furniture was there, none of our family pictures on the walls, even the stained carpet from a time when my mothers sentret had been very ill was ripped out and replaced with wood flooring.

"Yeah I just moved it, what's it to you?" the gross old guy barked. "Listed kid, I don't know who you are but you better leave. Can't have no scumbag boys hanging about here. Take yourself and go home."

And just like that something snapped in me. Tears started pouring and I started shaking vigorously. I could hardly raise my voice since my throat was caught in my chest, but I was sure the neighbors still heard.

"THI—THIS-SS-SS I- IS M—M—mm- MY- HOu- HOUSE!" I snarled, damning this man to hell.

"Fuck off you little shit, before I get my shot gun."

The door slammed in my face.

"FUCK YOU- YOU T- TOO!" I let my hands pound down on the front door of my childhood house over and over again. The threat of a shot gun meant nothing to me at the moment. I just wished I could die anyways.

Silver rejected me, my mother moved out like Lyra had tried to warm me about all along, and now I was making a fool out of myself in front of the whole neighborhood. It seemed my world was falling to pieces around me, and I wanted to take it out on that disgusting old hag living in my house.

He may have a shot gun, but I have a Mamoswine.

I gripped the pokeball so tightly, all rationality flying away with my composure. A thought crossed my mind… saying if I couldn't live in this house than no one could. I would let Mamoswine destroy it.

I ripped myself from the front door and stumbled back off the porch, staring up at the house that was my whole life up until about three years ago. I pulled my arm back and could feel the pounding of my head as a migraine set in. My stomach twisted and throat grew tight.

Within a moment of staring, and seeing as though the peaceful town I grew up in was oblivious to my rage, I felt a wave of frustration… frustration for myself. What was I thinking?

I slowed my arm down as I went to throw the pokeball, gripping it tighter with white knuckles. I collapsed to my knees, still holding the ball and sobbing horribly. I couldn't destroy my home… even if it wasn't my home anymore…

I wasn't sure how long I stay like that in the front lawn of my house, but when someone finally found me I wasn't on my knees anymore. I was curled up in fetal position with Mamoswine's pokeball still in the crook of my palm. I either passed out, or was so tired that I couldn't stand it anymore. MY fit of rage had sent me into sleep somehow.

"Gold… Oh Gold!" A familiar Professor called to me. It was Elm, I could tell by the graveling, yet not deep voice. My eyes flashed open as a plump hand was pressed against my shoulder.

Midday sun was cast across the town, dotted with shade in only the most random places. My head spun and I coughed softly, weakly. "Pro—profess—or."

"Oh thank heavens!" the middle aged man huffed. "Your mother will be so relieved. Come on, come on ill help you up. Let's go get you some care."

I had always hated the way professor fussed over little things, but this time I took to it willingly. He had a spare room; I could sleep off all this pain. My head whirled and my eyes were fuzzy as a short thick arm was strewn around me, and hauling me up too harshly. I could barely find my feet beneath me, but walking alone felt more dignified so I forced them to work.

We stumbled alone back to the lab where I was taken to a drag white-walled closed sized space. There was nothing but a hospital kind of bed with starchy sheets and a space heater in it, but it sure looked like heaven to me. Even if it did smell like medicine (and I hated the smell of medicine) I was completely content with the idea of staying here. I even thanked someone silently—whoever may be of higher power—for letting me have such giving people in my life.

What felt like decades may have only been a few moments really, but falling down in that hard bed was the most empowering moment since I beat the pokemon league… or since I kissed Silver. Either way it was truly remarkable. The pale sunlight didn't stop me from sleep like it normally would have either. Neither did Professor Elm.

"Did you make it to the top Gold?" he asked.

"Yeaammmmmnnn." I groaned, fighting with my lids as he walked out of the room.

"Did you beat the legend?"

"Naoooohh…." My words were barely audible. I felt drugged. "But heh likes meh assshmmmm…" Just go away I wanted to add… But I let my lids close instead.

A second later the click of the door sounded. And somewhere between that noise and my next heartbeat I was dead asleep.


	18. Chapter 18

~Gold~

The smell of cinnamon and melted peanut butter woke me up, and I was quickly nostalgic with memories of my childhood. My nose twitched, despite the pain it took to do so because it was raw all around. That was my favorite smell in the whole world, and it was the only thing that could truly get me out of bed in the mornings.

My mother used to make waffles with cinnamon and peanut butter for me because unlike any other normal human being, I was allergic to maple syrup. She taught me how to make it too, and I did on occasion, but never once had it turned out like hers did. My groggy lids were dragged from my eyes and I glanced around, remembering where I was.

"Gold… My baby." My mother's familiar voice was followed by her hand brushing back my nasty, salt water crusted hair from my face. I sighed softly and turned, fighting off the weakness in my muscles and pushing myself up.

"Mom… you… you really did move." A whispered half heartedly.

"I had to…" she stated calmly, almost as if she had recited this conversation in her head over and over again until she perfected it.

I just stared at the blanket covering my lap, trying not to let another wave of emotion come over me.

"We will talk about it later ok?" she leaned forward and planted a kiss on my forehead. "You've been sleeping for over twelve hours. Are you ok?"

I glanced up at her familiar honey eyes—the same ones I saw every time I looked in the mirror—and sighed. How was I supposed to tell someone like her, who was more religious than anyone else I had ever met, that I was heartbroken AND gay? It never crossed my mind until now, but this was going to be a terrible challenge…

Unless of course I wasn't gay, and I was set on this planet to fall for one and only one person, being Silver. That could be the case… it's not like I was ever attracted to anyone else that was a male (or female, but still.) There was still no way I could tell her about anything that happened between me and Silver.

"I was just over tired." I glanced at the plate of food she had set on a small tray at the foot of the bed. My stomach snarled.

"Oh here. Your favorite." She reached around to grab it and hand it to me. I blinked at it for a moment, trying not to get all choked up thinking about my childhood, and also trying not to let the growing worry nauseate me.

"Thanks." I looked away and grabbed at the fork wrapped in a napkin. "How did you get here?" I added before taking a stab at the waffle and ripping a piece. I stuffed it in my mouth and let the warm intoxicating flavors transport me to a place of innocence.

"Professor Elm called me right away Gold." She answered as if it was obvious. "I was so worried about you being up on that mountain alone. I thought you might be suicidal or something." The way she said that made me sure she was still thinking I was suicidal.

"You know I always dreamed of beating the champion." I commented, as if to remind her that I had a reason. Even if it wasn't the real reason, she didn't have to know that.

"And did you?" her eyes grew wide. She knew though, she didn't have to ask. If I had beaten Red I would have been beaming with delight.

I shoved another forkful into my mouth and stared at the sheets.

"I'm sorry honey." She reached forward and brushed my hair back again. "I know how hard that must be for you."

I didn't know what to say. Maybe three months ago I would have been disappointed for not beating Red at the top of the mountain, but now it just felt like it was taking a backseat to Silver. I didn't even care that me and Red hadn't battled at all up there… I was actually glad we didn't. I didn't want to see my pokemon get hurt because of strange super-creatures he raised. Like that awkward Pikachu with the swiveling ears that never stopped.

At the thought of Red though, I remembered all my supplies from the trip and swallowed half un-chewed with difficulty.

"Where is my stuff?" I looked around the drab room for any signs of the mud stained bags me and Silver took. They wouldn't know that one of those bags wasn't mine… right? Plus Red's pendant to Green, the Viridian City gym leader, was tucked away in a safe Zipper on the inside.

"By Professor's front door." My mother answered me unsurely. It was obvious she was still waiting for me to tell her about "losing" to the champion. As a child I was never one to keep things secret, and she had always been the first person I called when I lost—which wasn't often.

"And my pokemon?" I wondered before another mouthful.

"Getting a good rest." She assured. "Professor Elm said they were all a bit ill, but Kingdra was the worst…"

"What?" I blinked in confusion. Kingdra had spent the least amount of time out of the pokeball up on the mountain.

"Something about too much freshwater in his system." She explained. "It's not too serious, but now Professor is wondering if it's possible for a water pokemon to be allergic to a certain type of water."

"Kingdra has been in freshwater plenty of times before." I shook my head. But of course… Kingdra had never been in the mineral stinking hot springs of Mt. Silver before. Maybe the rocks had something to do with it?

"Well, don't worry too much. Professor said he would be fine after his system was flushed out with some salt water."

I nodded and went back to my breakfast. A whole day had passed since I was dragged from my house's front lawn to the lab. It was hard to believe I was even still alive actually. If that nasty old man had been so willing to shoot me with a shot gun… well he had plenty of time to when I was passed out on the front lawn.

"Are you ok?" my mother asked me. "You aren't usually this quiet."

I nodded. "Just a little shaken… you know?" I tried to look even slightly optimistic for her sake. But really I just wanted to curl back up in a ball and hibernate until the pain went away…

I couldn't get over the fact that Silver rejected me like that… and then the fact that I had actually thought for even a moment, that I should go after him. He didn't want me around… so I had no right to chase him. It was that simple…

Not to mention everything that made me who I was was suddenly taken from me and handed to a man with more hair than on his chest than an Ursaring. I flinched at the thought. What was my mother thinking? Sure she said she HAD to move… but I didn't understand why, and I wasn't prepared to think of a reason either. All I knew was that suddenly everything felt very wrong around me. Like my world shifted and now all the pieces that once fit perfectly together were scattered and broken. I didn't know what to do…

I had never had a broken heart before.

~Silver~

This was getting ridicules. One whole week I spent putting myself purposefully in the tracks of Gold, trying everything and anything to run into him by "accident". And it wasn't working. No one in Viridian City had seen the dark hair, honey eyed, olive skinned boy that I suddenly took such an intense liking to. It was horribly painful to know that I was this pathetic about trying to find him, but my options were limited. What else could I do?

Between the pokecenter hopping and the fake training sessions in the Viridian Forest I came to the realization that Gold just wasn't anywhere around here. He either never made it off that mountain (which I tried very hard not to think about) or he went the opposite direction and headed back to Johto. It wouldn't surprise me if he did…

He probably went home and forgot all about me and the nights we shared wrapped up sharing the warmth, or the mornings we woke up sweaty from it. Had he forgotten about the secrets we shared? Did he forget that I was technically running from the law, and he was technically at fault for not turning me in?

I even contemplated getting caught just to see if it would bring it to his attention again. Gold couldn't forget about me… he wouldn't… would he?

I had to come to terms with the fact that I really truly wanted him to be worried about me. I didn't want to worry about him, or even care about him that is, but I wanted him to feel those things for me. I wanted to hear him say he understood, or tell me I would die by myself. His perfect rationality and his imperfect curiosity… I missed that more than anything.

I found myself three days before Christmas in a local shop made for trainers, staring at priceless items that had not yet been made. It was a machine in the back, shelves full of generics, and one all-too-willing clerk at the front desk.

"How can I help you?" She asked, with a flutter of her dark lashes. Her skin was a near mahogany color and her eyes were lined with contact lenses. Silky green and unnatural irises' made her look more like an alien than a person. Her dyed here added to it as well as her skimpy clothes and enormously fluffy scarf.

I looked up at her from under my hood, trying to be obscene while I was here. My heart was thudding uncomfortable, but I didn't know what else to do. There had to be a reminder… somehow, some way I had to let Gold know that I still cared, even if he didn't.

"I need a pokeball." I nearly whispered.

"Obviously." She snorted with laughter. "That's what we make here isn't it? What kind?"

"The best most accurate kind you have." I stalled. "Metallic."

"That will take a while to create. When do you need it by?" she was letting her hand scrawl across a pad of paper.

"Today." If I wanted to be able to mail it to his address by Christmas I would have to send it out tomorrow morning.

"That will be an extra charge, I hope you know."

I nodded. "Fine fine, just listen." I had to remind myself that no one knew who I was making this pokeball for. She wouldn't judge me… for all she knew it could be for my girlfriend… the one that didn't exist.

"I want the bottom half to be gold and the upper half to be silver. I need letters engraved on the front too. On the gold part I want an S engraved, and on the silver part I want a G."

"Ok, ok slow down." Her hand scrawled all over the place messily. I wanted to add that if she fucked it up I would personally ruin her life, but that was just me being nervous.

"Scents?" she asked after a minute.

"What?"

"Is this for someone special? Because a lot of times girls like to have scents in their pokeballs. You know so when they open it for the first time it's even more unique, or exciting, or… or romantic." She battered those eye lashes and looked up at me. "I know I would appreciate that."

I shook my head with a scowl. "No thanks."

"Alright." She rolled her eyes as if I was missing out, and then pointed to the wall behind her. "Gift wrap?"

I stared at the collection of shiny papers and silk ribbons. Most of it was pretty childish, probably more suitable for a trainer getting his first pokemon for Christmas, rather than a reminder to someone that you care about them. I almost told her that a box alone would be fine (I would have to box it up anyways) but my eyes caught sight of convenient gold paper. I sighed, knowing I had a theme going here anyways. Why stop at the gift itself?

"Gold paper." I told her. "silver ribbon."

"I like it." She nodded, though I could see that she was more the type of person that would enjoy bright fluorescent colors. She was being a car salesman, that was all. "You've got a nice theme going here."

"Right." I rolled my eyes. "When is the soonest I can pick it up?"

"Come back tonight around six and you can see the ball before we actually wrap it."

I nodded in agreement. That wasn't too horrible.

"Name?"

I blinked in confusion. "Why?"

"I need to put it under your name silly." She tapped her pen against her lower lip waiting.

"Silver."

Her high pitched shrill laugh made me flinch. "Very cute, I like it, I like it a lot. Last name Gold?" she teased.

I glared. "It's Soul."

"Right, right, sorry." She shook her head, still laughing. "Come back later ok. Here is your recite, bring it with you."

Embarrassment flooded my face as she handed me the thing. It was hard to believe that I really degraded myself like that. Never in a million years would I buy just anyone a Christmas gift. I had never bought one before in my whole life actually… neither had I ever received one, but still. I stormed out of the shop and pulled my hood tighter around my head, shielding my face from passerby people.

Lights were being strung up for the approaching holiday, and I couldn't help but notice just how many people were actually together. Never before this point would I have noticed the couples that walked the streets. It was all straight people of course, which was a little unsettling, but it still left me feeling hollow.

Every now and again I would notice two guys walking together, and they would always look slightly different than the rest of the males around. Some strange fluency to the way they walked, almost as if they were tempted to grab each other by the hand, or wrap an arm behind their back, and it sent a flutter through me. My heart skipped a beat in that moment, but it wasn't because I was attracted to that sort of relationship (because I wasn't) but it was because I knew the way they felt, and I felt sorry for them.

To have to hide from something that felt so natural… to be even afraid of it… It was terrible.

You wouldn't find me at any gay rights conventions anytime soon, but that didn't mean I couldn't feel bad for people. Maybe if I wasn't so determined to be a shadow on the wall I would speak out once in a while, but of course that was impossible right now. I could only ignore it as a cause.

I turned my attention to the pokegear attached to my belt at my waist. I decided it get once about a week after being down from the mountain, thinking that maybe somehow I would be able to find any sign of Gold's number on it. Of course that was irrational, but I felt somehow safer with it now. I felt like maybe one day I would magically discover his number and be able to call him and tell him that I was sorry for punching him in the face… and that I was sorry for always running.

It was only noon, so I figured I had some time to get to a computer and start my search. If I was going to give Gold a gift I had to know his full address. And all I knew right now was that he lived in New Bark Town on a street called Mayberry. Thankfully Google maps would show me a street view of his house so I could see the house number.

And then what? I stared up at the heavy clouded sky, yearning to break into snowfall. I knew all I could do was wait and see what happens next, but there weren't that many options. I had already decided that if I put my phone number inside the box he would be able to call me, but I hated that vulnerability. Of course I hated anything that had to do with my publicity, but what else mattered?

It was about time I stopped being so paranoid… what happened three years ago was, well… three years ago. And no police man had ever caught up to me yet, so why should they now if all I did was send a phone number out in the mail? It's not like I planned on saying who I was or what I did. Not to mention no one would look inside that box before Gold anyways.

I swallowed hard and stuffed my hands inside my pockets, forcing myself to be optimistic. Gold was the one who kissed me… he showed me affection first, so maybe there was a chance that this would work out after all. Who was to say he wasn't looking for me right now too? He might just be completely wrong about where to look…

This would work… this would work… I kept telling myself as I walked swiftly back to the pokemon center. But who was I kidding? The only thing working in me was my fear.


	19. Chapter 19

~Gold~

It was the day before Christmas, and the day my mother wanted to take me back to see her new house in Goldenrod City. She claimed that I would like it after telling me all the reasons—though I knew they were excuses—that she couldn't have saved us from losing our home here in New Bark. If I was being honest with myself, I was pretty pissed off to know that all it would have taken her was a couple phone calls and maybe a lawyer.

And so I was up too early, walking the neighborhood one last time before I would have to say goodbye to it for good. Skarmory was perched on my shoulder, her slender head pressed against my temple in attempts to comfort me, but it wasn't working. The sound of the waves and the smell of the salt water nearby, it brought back too many memories for me.

I approached the house I grew up in slowly, standing on the dirt road before the drive leading up to the porch, just in case Mr. hairy and disgusting decided to come out and threaten me with his shotgun. He couldn't do anything, I technically wasn't on his property… even though it wasn't his… it was mine.

From a distance I imagined myself straightening up and holding my shoulders back against the porch, in attempts to read just how tall I had gotten since a previous year. I imagined myself playing in the spring green grass with Lyra when we were kids (before she went a little crazy). I imagined that determined and enthusiastic young boy that wanted nothing more than to get a pokemon and become a trainer. It all hurt terribly bad.

My throat was getting tight once again, and I knew that if I didn't cry now I never would, and that could lead to some serious mental problems down the road. My mother always told me that crying was natural and trying to stop it was unnatural, so I shouldn't even try, but sometimes it felt like not trying was even harder.

I brought my hand up to cover my mouth while biting my lower lip. I sniffed harshly and blinked, letting the first layer of moisture slip down my cheeks.

This wasn't what you came here for, I had to remind myself. I came here to say goodbye to the house that would always be my home, not to dwell on it. It was stupid of me to think that things like this last forever anyways…

In the last three years I had only spent about two months home all together, and that seemed like it was nothing compared to the weeks I spent roughing it out in the wilderness alone. I shouldn't be fazed by my mom selling the house… I had really departed with it a long time ago. It was just selfish of me to want my mother to live there the rest of her life when I didn't plan to.

I wanted to get a house of my own one day… or more so an apartment (because a house was just too big for one person alone). I wanted to be independent and have my own life… At one point in time I had even thought that maybe I wanted to settle down and have a nice girlfriend that one day would turn into my wife. I remembered vaguely the perfect childish dreams I had of being part of a family.

But that was so long ago…

The thought of having a girlfriend just seemed like trouble now, and settling down to me sounded like waiting to die. I had too much money to get a job that wasn't training pokemon, and I had too many reasons not to sit around and waste away my life. It just wasn't going to happen like this.

I wasn't a family person, I realized after a long moment of thought out in front of my home on Mayberry Street. I wasn't the same regular church go-er my mother was, I didn't want to have kids like she did. I wasn't protective, I was proactive. I wasn't sensitive (ok maybe I was), but I was more so sensitive to my own needs.

I wondered vaguely if that made me selfish, but was strung from that strain of thought when a familiar swooshing noise made me look up.

"You just gonna stand there all day and stare at my house you creep!" a teenage girl demanded. "I suggest you get away from here before my daddy gets his gun!"

Anger tore at my heart. "I don't suppose you know who I am do you?" I spat venom. "I don't suppose you realize that this is the house I grew up in? This is the house I left to become a pokemon trainer. Oh yeah, and not just a trainer!" I was screaming now. "IM THE FUCKING JOHTO CHAMPION! SO WHY DON'T YOU SHUT YOUR SORRY ASS MOUTH!"

"Well I'm the champion of Hoenn!" she spat back immaturely. "You think I care if you lived here? YOU AINT LIVING HERE ANYMORE!"

At that moment I knew that this wasn't healthy for me anymore. I knew I couldn't stay here any longer and make things worse. I was seconds away from releasing Mamoswine and crushing that house I grew up in to pieces. Skarmory was flapping her wings madly, trying to defend me without disobeying my unspoken orders.

I turned, rage feeling like fire in the pit of my stomach, and tried to walk away before something serious happened. I knew I wasn't an angry person like this normally. I was a good person! But ever since me and Silver had our little fall out I was acting crazy, freaking out over the smallest things. Not to say that someone living in my house was small… but still, I admit I may have overreacted just a tad.

"That's right walk away!" the girl yelled after me, her fat head sticking out of MY bedroom window.

I grit my teeth together and turned to her once again, uncontrollable emotions spewing in a fashion of tears and spit and red eyes. "IF YOU'RE A CHAMPION THAN GET DOWN HERE AND FIGHT ME!" I ripped a pokeball from my wrist and held it up to her. "BATTLE ME!"

Her eyes lit up in a fiery way and I knew that she was misjudging me. Hoenn was a region known for tamer wild pokemon and less drama. It wasn't raw, but more so sugar coated like Sinnoh. It wasn't like Kanto or Johto, it had no mountains that could kill you, or champions that lived at the tops of them. This chick didn't know what she was getting herself into.

"FINE!" she hissed and slammed the window shut.

I curled my hand around Ty's pokeball tightly, waiting, anticipated the moment when MY front door swung open and she came running out. I didn't miss the sound of that ugly man calling from the inside, angry at her for associating herself with me at all.

She paused down the street from me, her skirt short and hiked up to reveal her thighs, her sleeveless shirt tight to her undeveloped chest. Common sense told me she was younger than I was (probably about sixteen), and flattery told me she would be as easy as some of the lowest trainers here in Johto.

"You sure you want to do this?" she asked with a snort, turning her too pointy nose up and tossing a green and white ball between hands. "I'm warning you now you won't win!"

"Typhlosion!" I snarled, throwing the ball forward and watching it crack open into the middle of the street.

Skarmory flew from my shoulder and landed beside me, wings up, prepared for her turn to fight. Eagerness hung in her sharp eyes and I couldn't be more proud. All the while Ty bellowed like a savage and made the town echo with his roar. Teeth glinting with spit and jaws wide I could see his glowing flame in the back of his throat. With a flash his neck erupted into a volcano of spewing fire and smoke. He was ready.

New Gold seemed so far away in a moment like this, and I couldn't help but feel satisfied with the displeasure on her face. She narrowed her eyes at me and lifted the green pokeball to the air. Without actually throwing it she released something tall and skinny and blindingly fast.

"Blaziken!" the girl managed a laugh. "Use your speed! Like always!"

"Ty!" I snarled, wiping away the drying tears from my cheeks. In the back of my mind I knew it was wrong to take out my anger and angst on a pokemon in battle, but this was just far too much. Arrogance wouldn't get this "champion" anywhere, and she sure needed an attitude adjustment to begin with.

"Use sky uppercut!" she called with the flick of her wrist. The pokemon shot forward with a screech.

"Eruption!"

Ty crouched, gripped the dirt floor with long hooked claws and sucked in a deep breath. The Blaziken neared, its legs useable as it ran. With a groaning roar my pokemon let its flame subside for a second, and confusion set it. The trainer's eyes were on mine as Ty prepared his attack.

"Blaziken WAIT!" she howled when she realized just what she had gotten herself into.

But it was too much. Her fire bird had meant to drop beneath Ty and haul him upwards with its attack, but with my pokemon so low to the ground and explosive it didn't get the chance. Too fast the bird moved, and it's too-long legs couldn't stop in time. Ty erupted.

Rock and smoke and lava and fire and hatred pluming into the air and sending that pokemon flying. The Hoenn region obviously didn't know how to avoid attacks, considering their champion had just sent her pokemon straight into one.

"TY! NOW USE YOUR SPEED!"

Blaziken was scrambling to her feet when Typhlosion caught up to her and tore his huge claws down her shoulders and chest. The pokemon screeched and blood spattered the ground.

"Return!" the trainer's voice was shrill.

Ty let out a roar of triumph as the girl anticipated her next pokemon. She was staring down at a pokeball with a flustered look on her face.

"TY return!" I yelled. This would be more interesting to start fresh. He returned quickly as she threw her next ball.

"Mighteyena!"

The pokemon howled in rage, but it was easy to see that this pokemon wasn't as trained as her Blaziken was. It looked feral, ready to snap like a twig. I knew that sometimes that was a good feature to have in a pokemon, and sometimes it was a bad one.

I called Jolteon out so that we could be faster, not to mention the wicked thunderbolts that could paralyze everyone in town. She barked defensively at the other dog, her instinct kicking in. It was bad enough when Jolteon and Skarmory fought for dominance in my team… I knew this battle was suddenly personal.

"Go! Use dark pulse!" Mighteyena launched itself into the air, leaping and preparing to fall back down and plant a wave of eeriness across the town. Bad move, I didn't even have to tell Jolteon what to do.

She struck out, fur on end, sending needles flying in all directions, and then out of the blue sky dropped a bolt, and it struck Mighteyena with enough force to send it plowing into the ground. Dirt showered us as the black and gray dog writhed in pain, trying to force itself upwards.

Did she really think she could beat me? A smile as devious and cruel as that lightning bolt spread across my face.

"Get up Mighteyena!"

"Quick attack!"

Jolteon struck it so blindingly fast there was no hope. It wasn't a hard hit, but a finishing hit. The pokemon fell in defeat. It was completely knocked out.

The trainer ran forward, onto our battlefield, seeing as though her pokemon wasn't moving. She dropped to its side and wrapped her arms around its neck, burying her face in its fur. Something seemed to dawn on me then, and I felt absolutely miserable suddenly.

I wasn't that cruel was I? My heart picked up in a shallow gallop. What happened to the Gold that used to battle for the joy of battling? Not for vengeance…

All the hate subsided inside me, and I found my feet moving forward to the girl and her pokemon. She was staring down at a patch of singed fur from the where the lightening hit.

"What an attack." She was shaking her head, perhaps not knowing yet whether to be impressed or furious. The pokemon obvious wasn't dead, just passed out. She brushed her hand across its cheek once and then called it back.

I stood waiting, Jolteon at my side with her fur still fluffed up and needle sharp, Skarmory on my shoulder once again, and Ty a few feet behind me. He made a soft groaning noise, as if to warn me.

But when the girl stood up her face was nothing of anger, just of envy. "Well I forfeit." She said, sticking her hand out to me. "You win ok?"

I blinked in confusion. Had she not felt any of that rage towards her? Was all the built up anger for nothing? All her vile personality seemed to fade and pass out like her pokemon, and she piped up instantly. If I didn't know any better, I would say that she was the kind of person that didn't give your respect until you showed her a reason to.

I took her hand tightly and shook it. "Gold… and sorry…" guilt nagged at my chest. "I just…"

"Got pissed." Her green eyes danced with delight, making me think she was bipolar. "My name is Sapphire.

I didn't know what to say, so I was happy when a third person came into the big ordeal, even if it was a massive man holding a shot gun.

"Get your hand off my daughter!" he roared, pointing that thing at me.

"I suggest you fuck off!" we all whirled, as my mother—oh god my mother—stormed up the street towards me. Even so I released Sapphire's hand instantly and back away. Typhlosion perched himself in front of me, another reminder of how devoted my team was. He would take a bullet for me, and I would do the same for him.

"Daddy stop it!" Sapphire grabbed the barrel of the gun and pushed it aside.

"Get away from my kid!" my mother snarled.

"Mom!"

"Hush, Gold." She shot me a warning glare.

"You stay out of this!" the man hissed at his daughter. Sapphire looked ready to spit. Her face was all turned up in mock anger as she looked at me. Oh sure, her father had a gun pointed at me and she thinks it's funny? Where did these inhumane people come from! Hoenn can't be that bad…

Fire went up in a whirl as Ty tried to defend me and my mother.

"NO!" I gasped as it singed the skin of the man with the gun. He whirled, roaring like a pokemon himself, and to my horror, pointed that gun right at Ty's face.

There was a sharp click, and my mother grabbed my wrist too swiftly. I wasn't expected to be hauled back, but I was vaguely aware of how close that shot came to my face. What was only a second felt like a lifetime. Blood went up and spattered my face like and there was a terrible high pitched wail.

"SKARMORY!" I shoved away from my mother and dropped to the ground besides my beloved bird pokemon. She was screeching, wide eyed and mouth gaping, blood oozing.

"I'll have you put in jail! You can't attack another trainer's pokemon! You! YOU!" my mother was snarling after him as he retreated, obviously realizing what a terrible mistake he had made, to MY house. He punched the porch railing and chipped it with his huge fist before slamming the front door. That left me, my mother, my pokemon, and Sapphire to stare down at Skarmory was she endured the pain.

The bullet had left a small hole in her metal plating on her left wing, and I could see where the blood was coming from beneath. This was the first pokemon I had ever caught on my own… and she was the most loyal, faithful, understanding member of my team. Fear swelled in her eyes as well as my own, and I could see that for once she really didn't know what was going to happen. And Skarmory always knew what would happen…

I pulled her up into my arms and held her against my chest tightly, forgetting all about my watching audience (people from all around the neighborhood had come out to see what was going on) and hauling ass to Elm's lab.

A riot of hate went up behind me and I knew that all the people me and my mother had been friends with our whole lives… even some elderly people that lived here since they were kids, were starting to rage. This was a region of civility, and obviously that man living in my house was far below any ration level of it.

"GOLD!" Sapphire called from behind me. Her voice was high pitched with worry. "I'm sorry! I—I don't know what—my father is—he didn't—

I charged on ahead and burst through the doors of Professor Elm's lab. "Professor!" I wailed in a raspy voice, choked with fear. "PROFESSOR!"

"Gold! What—what is it?"

I dropped to my knees before a room full of machinery, staring in panic down at my pokemon, barely breathing, passed out with a bullet hole in her wing.

Skarmory would always be a pokemon that did what she thought was right… and in that moment she thought that protecting Ty from a bullet was right. Not only had she wanted me to be safe, but for the protection of our team in general as well. She would take a bullet for any one of us…

Jolteon was shaking at my side, staring at the pokemon she quarreled with so often as if it was somehow her fault.

"Oh my!" Elm bent at my side and took Skarmory gently from me. There was no strength left in me, I could only kneel there on the floor of the lab with my hands over my face and my heart beating out of line, too raggedly.

"Wh—why is thi—this happe—happening t—to—m—me." I sobbed. Was my world meant to go to shit? Just like that?

And I couldn't help but think, somewhere in the back of my mind… that this was my fault. Everything… even the things that happened weeks ago on that stupid mountain… they were my fault. This was just some terrible karma for not having called my mother more often, or for not listening to Lyra's warnings about her moving. This was all me… my fault… everything. Now not only did I feel more alone than ever before, but I was losing my pokemon… my team…

If I had just never kissed Silver… if I wasn't so selfish…

None of this would have happened.


	20. Chapter 20

~Gold~

I had to leave. That was the end of it. It was actually dangerous for me to be in this town any longer. I was just too damn unhappy. I had to get out.

I had the worst holiday of my life, and it made me realize just how cruel life could be. Skarmory, though she was tough and she pulled through when she probably should have died, would never fly again.

And a bird pokemon that couldn't fly… that's how I felt right about now. With so many different reasons to believe that I was happy, I couldn't find any of them that weren't lies. I had to face it that my life had gone to shit in the last couple weeks, and now I was in that awkward faze of thinking that things would only get better. After hitting rock bottom, I had nowhere to go but up right?

It was extremely hard to look at the bright side of things in a situation like that, but I was forcing myself to. Even though I left New Bark town for good (hoping that I would never have a reason to go back) and I was miserable with the thought of my broken hearted pokemon…

Things could get better… right?

This was the thought I had in my mind when I decided that Johto had come to an end for me in general. I didn't want to live in a city, and the only small town worth it to me was New Bark town anyways. I felt trapped, like I couldn't breathe, and this was in the end what made me go back to Viridian city.

It hurt more than anything to be in this town, but I decided that if I was going to hurt I was going to hurt AND get over it, rather than just hurt forever. This was my fate now. Viridian City with that quiet little family run coffee shop with the wide windows that peered up at Mt. Silver. I knew that if I was to go anywhere else it was here.

New years I spent alone, watching the fireworks out the window of a small, two bedroom apartment that I decided to purchase suddenly. I think it was the fact the that I just wanted to know I had somewhere to go. It was about time—with my eighteenth birthday approaching at the end of January—that I bought somewhere to call my new home. Of course… it didn't really feel like home at all…

There was new furniture neatly placed around, and urban color walls that I vowed I would paint some day. They were bare and boring since I really wasn't the decorating type, though I did have a narrow and skinny table against the furthest wall, where a framed photograph was standing, displaying my team. We were all young in that picture.

Skarmory was the only one fully grown actually, and she was perched on my much too slender shoulder, rubbing her face against my neck in affection. Ty was just a Cyndaquil, Mamoswine was a sninub, Girafarig was only up to my shoulder in height, Jolteon was still an Eevee, and Kingdra was just a tiny horsea in my arms. He had just hatched the morning the picture was taken.

I always felt a little more at home when I looked at that picture, that's why I put it there, so when I stopped by every time I headed into my kitchen it felt a little better in here. It was bitter sweet to say the least, but I felt like I had proof… proof that there was still part of who I used to be in the history of my life. It was important to me in more ways than just a nice picture.

I saw a boy whose eyes were too wide with wonder, and whose fists were gloved and ready for action. I saw the same stupid hat that now hung by the front door on a hook, only it was too big, like my hair being too long. I was determined, excited, lavishing, and maybe even a little arrogant. That was the perfect picture of who I wished I was today, and also the consistent reminder that I would never again be that person. It bothered me as much as it did help me, but that was ok.

I was walking past this picture now, with a hobbling Skarmory a pace behind me. She hated her new way of life so much, and it pained me to see her have to walk all lopsided with her left wing slightly slung down. I took to carrying her pretty much everywhere out in public, since it was just too painful to restrict her any further in a ball.

Typhlosion was curled up on the cool tile floor of the kitchen, snoring away with his back pressed up in the way of the sliding glass door that lead out onto my porch. He had taken to lying in that spot, and I felt like he was making more of a home out of this place than I was. Jolteon would be curled up on the foot of my bed right about now as well.

The whole apartment was quiet with peace, and I had to admit that this WAS better than being back in New Bark town. After watching my pokemon get shot, and then almost dying and now being permanently disabled, I didn't think I could ever get the bad taste out of my mouth. Regardless of it being the place I grew up, it was different now. Even though that man that destroyed everything and personally became my worst enemy was now in jail, and his daughter was sent back to Hoenn to live with her mother, I still felt wretched about being there.

This place was better… for me at least… and not to mention the chances of me stumbling across Silver (I still refused to call it "looking" for him) where much higher.

"Move big guy." I nudged Ty with my foot and he woke up with a snort, staring at me with a displeased look on his face. He grumbled before shuffling out of the way.

The porch was long and skinny, without much room to put a chair, let alone a table to sit at when the weather was nice, but I didn't mind it. Within the few days that I had been here I realized that it was nice to have some place to overlook the city on. Not to mention I might see Silver wandering into that coffee shop some morning (not that I was looking for him).

I gripped the railing tightly and stared across the city with a sigh before Skarmory came to my side and tapped the metal beams with her beak to get my attention. I glanced down at her sad eyes and tried to give her a weak smile before bending to pick her up and put her at my side on the railing.

"How do you feel?" I ruffled the only soft feathers she had under her right wing. She crooned at me and pushed her face into my cheek.

"I'm fine." I added. "It's not so horrible anymore…"

Even though I was lying to myself…

Her eyes narrowed in a way that I was sure she was suspicious, and if pokemon could talk I knew she would say she didn't believe me. I opened my mouth to give her some ridicules reason for why I was fine, but was stopped by the sound of my pokegear ringing. We both glanced down at my waist where the device was clinging to my belt.

I plucked it off quickly and looked at the screen. My mother, of course, it was always her or Lyra claiming that there was a fire in a town nearby, or that Professor Elm was breeding pokemon to create unrealistic hybrids that would destroy the world. I swore that girl was becoming more and more crazy by the moment.

"Hello?" I asked after putting the phone on speaker.

"Hello honey! I was just calling because the home owners sent a package to my house after they found out that no one was living at our old address anymore."

"Oh…. Kay?" I said in confusion. What would I want with a package for the father and daughter that lived in our house? I grit my teeth together, thinking that it wasn't only Lyra going crazy after all. My mother knew better than to bring them up at all.

"It's addressed to you, sweetie." She explained. "Do you want me to send it to you in the mail?"

My mouth twisted down into a confused scowl. "Who does it say it's from?" Who would be sending me things? Perhaps a distant relative that was too late for Christmas or too early for my birthday? But then again… no one had ever sent me gifts on holidays or my birthday before. The occasion was always something small with just me and my mother and our pokemon.

"It doesn't say, and there is no return address." She said.

"Alright then send it to me." I got the feeling she was hoping I would say that I would come get it from her myself, but that was NOT happening. I had this terrible grudge held against Goldenrod City now that she decided to make her home there. I didn't want to see the place no matter how much she wanted me to.

"Are you sure? It will probably take a couple days in the mail?"

"Yes I'm sure." I rolled my eyes. "You have my address right?"

"Of course…" she sighed. "I will send it out right away. Call me when it gets to you ok? Love you."

"Ok. Love you too." I agreed, wondering what in the world it could be. I was about to ask my mother to shake it around and tell me what it sounded like, but she hung up too quickly and didn't give me the chance. I stared down at the pokegear for a minute before clipping it back onto my belt.

I turned to Skarmory with a sigh and said "It probably isn't important anyways."

She blinked sadly at me with that disbelieving look on her face.

I turned then and headed back into my house that wasn't quite a home.


	21. Chapter 21

~Silver~

Did my eyes deceive me?

There was no way…

Gold was back in Viridian City?

I had gotten up too early one morning, and decided to leave the pokemon center for the day to go into the forest. I was still vaguely holding onto the faint chance that perhaps Gold would run into me in there once again… and maybe this whole pitiful extravaganza would start over again.

What wouldn't I give to have one more night with Gold up atop Mt. Silver…

And though I pondered these thoughts often, all I could think of more realistically, was what the hell I would actually do… with one more night.

It wasn't until I actually saw Gold, on this frosty winter morning a few days ago, new years eve to be exact, that I knew. I was going to the coffee shop to get something to go, something quick and easy that would take my mind off of everything if even for a moment. I had even been hoping that Donna would strike up a conversation with me about her obnoxious twin sister, or her flaky younger brother.

It was then when I saw him, leaning against a narrow balcony about three stories above me, his hand on his Skarmory's head and his jacket slipping off his broad shoulders to reveal a long sleeve shirt that couldn't have been tighter without having been painted on. I watched in horror as well as sweet, sweet relief while he murmured something to the bird pokemon.

My heart had been thudding so strongly in that particular moment… perhaps because I knew all he had to do was glance down and he would notice me sticking out like a sore thumb in a sea of neutral, bland colors. On that gray winter morning my hair would have given me away like a flame in a cave.

And the scariest part had been the fact that I wanted him to see me so badly, I had almost called out his name because of it. My mouth had actually been open and ready to say something when I realized that things had gone terribly wrong somewhere along the lines. I saw him on new year's eve… five days after Christmas, which was plenty of time for him to have gotten that pokeball gift I sent him. Even if the mail HAD been late (though I checked and it wasn't) he would have gotten it the day after, not a second later.

Yet Gold stood on this balcony, no sign of his pokegear near him, no sign of him about to spot me, a statue in a sea of moving people. I couldn't believe my eyes, and I felt absolutely wretched about the assumption in my head.

Gold didn't care…

What other option was there? I had double, triple, quadruple checked that damn letter to make sure it had my correct phone number and that it had his correct address. I had even rewritten it twice to make sure my scrawl wasn't too elaborate for his eyes. Gold wasn't stupid enough to misunderstand the gift, I knew that. What would a silver and gold pokeball represent, other than us?

He wasn't that stupid, no matter how much I wanted to believe that was the excuse for him not calling me. So now I was forced to think that if he wasn't that stupid… could he possibly be that heartless?

No… Gold cared more about the people and pokemon around him than he did himself. He wasn't selfish like me, he wasn't angry, he wasn't even conflicted. Gold was quite possibly the most stable and confident person I knew, and that was a recipe for disaster in this situation. How could I sit here and let myself think that Gold just didn't bother that much about me?

I asked myself yet again, who was I kidding? I punched him in the face when I should have kissed him back; it was no wonder why he didn't want anything to do with me or my apology gifts now. Even so, I walked by that apartment building every morning randomly, and every evening before going back to the pokemon center for another over priced night. I knew myself well enough to know that I could keep this up forever, regardless of the disappointment, just to catch a glimpse of him in an off moment.

Numerous times a day I contemplated going up to the office of the complex and asking if they would give me his door number so that I could go see him personally, but I chickened out every time. It was probably a good thing I couldn't degrade myself any further, but I vowed that if things didn't change soon; drastic measures would have to be taken.

Gold and I could not live in the same city and be so far away from each other. It just wasn't natural. Even when we were in our prime as trainers, we would run into each other being on the move and everything seemed to be stopping us then. Yet now with absolutely nothing in our way, we couldn't seem to run into each other for the life of us.

I was absolutely distraught by the time new years had passed and January was a week in. My pokegear had never been set on a louder setting, and my hands had never reacted so quickly when it went off. No matter how many times it was just the same old updates going off, I still hoped that somehow it was Gold calling me.

My heart was breaking with the seconds that ticked by in the long days I spent trying to channel out my frustrations with battle practice. The Viridian forest had been mangled and bruised in certain areas where my pokemon had gone at it a little too harshly. I had even taken to catching some innocent wild pokemon that had no business fighting my much stronger ones. Though I would release them just as quickly, it was becoming a mind consuming sport.

Today I played this sport, in an area I dared not go because it would lose connection to my pokegear and all my sanity would be lost. This was just the kind of thing I needed right about now though. I wanted that disconnection from the world that would make things harder to forget and easier to remember. Forcibly I left my pokegear in my backpack (my new backpack, since Gold still had my old one) in hopes that I could just be me for some time at all.

This was supposed to be the first step to me recovering from the rejection Gold was giving me. I wanted to get over the fact that he obviously didn't want me around if he wasn't going to call me after my apology gift. I was expecting it to be hard of course, but not nearly as threatening as it was. My mind was going a mile a minute as the light of the day came to an end.

I had been out, mind wandering for about four hours trying to lose track of the time and the heartache, when I was brought back to my senses. My backpack was sprawled out beneath a huge tree and the largest pocket was slightly unzipped do to pure laziness on my part. Or maybe subconsciously I wanted a better chance of me hearing he thing if it magically went off…

But of course I didn't have signal here. So when I reached in and grabbed the pokegear that was fighting for a lifeline I wasn't hopeful. It would die soon and I had to get back home to put it on the charger for the next day. I threw the backpack over my shoulder and started walking swiftly through the largest trees.

The lack of reception returning shouldn't have bothered me like it did. I knew exactly what tree I could pass and have signal, and exactly how far beyond it I would lose signal. I had counted the steps once or twice before setting out today, so when I passed it again this evening and the bars did not return I was gritting my teeth.

What was the point anyways? Gold didn't care about me… Gold wasn't the kind of person to dwell. He probably moved on already. He was probably over that whole gay moment ages ago.

I was just about to clip the pokegear back onto my belt and forget about the signal when there was suddenly a sharp tone bellowing in my hand. I jumped, for it aroused many birds out of a nearby pine, and ripped the thing back up to my face. I stopped moving and clicked the button to illuminate the fat screen.

One missed call.

My heart stopped as I searched the unknown number. What was the area code? Of course there was no area code; there was only a pokegear code that was generic for all of them. I couldn't press those buttons fast enough it seemed, my screen had frozen over for a split second before letting out another wail of a tone.

One voicemail.

Shaking I clicked the buttons and entered my security code. There was a terribly long silence before the mechanical voice answered me.

One unheard message, sent today at 4:21 pm.

I cursed under my breath at the time difference. It was already eight, which meant this call had been sitting a while. A shallow beep cut me off and then there was a ragged shuffling noise on the other line. I felt like my ears were straining for any sounds relevant to the call. I swallowed hard when a shaky breath was blown back at me, followed by a sniveling. Finally, heart pounding, I heard a voice.

"Silver." It whispered through the voicemail to me. "Silver… come over."

I blinked as there was another pause. This was it… this was exactly what I had been waiting for, for so long and the one day that I don't have my pokegear glued to my side… I wanted to throw the damn thing in anger. How could I miss it? How?

"My apartment number is 564 in Viridian City." Gold's troubled voice sang in my ear, reminding me that he had no clue of me knowing where he was. "Come over…" he begged.

I was nodding in agreement as if he was asking me for real right then and there. I could nearly hear his heart pounding like mine was too.

"Please." He begged. "Come over."

With a jolt I dropped the pokegear to my side and snapped it back onto my belt. I slung my backpack further over my shoulders and had to force air back into my lungs. I was running instantly, as fast as I could, blocking out all those terrible thoughts about him not caring about me or accepting my gift of apology. He got my number… he called me.

A terrified little voice echoed in my head beyond the relief, speaking only the truth in a way I could not describe. It knew that I was bad at this kind of thing… it knew that I would only force myself to treat Gold like shit once I saw him again. It was like a defense for me, and I hated it.

What was I supposed to do once I got there? Here I was running like an idiot back to the one person that had the ability to make or break me… and I didn't even know what would happen once I got there. So much time had gone by since we left the mountain top… would things feel the same? I shivered… shivered and ran.

What did it matter anyways?

All that mattered was that I was going to see Gold.


	22. Chapter 22

~Silver~

I stood outside apartment number 564, on the patio where three people had already passed me with insulting looks. My hand would rise to knock, and then fall again before I had the chance. I was so damn nervous for no reason that I couldn't bring myself to even breathe evenly. My eyes hurt I was so strained, and there was no way to back out now. Gold could probably hear my frantic thoughts as clearly as I did.

I pictured him waiting, beyond the heavy door, looking through his peep hole at me while I stood, flustered like an idiot, trying to understand. Gold had been fighting tears when he left that message on my pokegear, and I felt like somehow it was my fault. I also couldn't figure out why it took him a week to call me when the gift was delivered on Christmas day.

My mind was in a whirl and I couldn't stand it any longer. I had to stop second guessing everything, it wasn't healthy.

Neither was standing out on the doorstep of a trainer's apartment that you had known for three years. This shouldn't be this hard… it wasn't hard before we went to Mt. Silver together… Back then things were simple. I hated him, he hated me. And now…

Now I had this terrible feeling inside me saying that I would be so overjoyed to see him… and that after I took a step through his apartment door I would never be able to turn back. He would suck me in with those honey eyes of his, and I would have no choice but to admit it to myself that I quite liked him… more than I should… more than any guy should like another guy.

All running was over now. I had no escape after this.

Squeezing my eyes shut I let my hand fall on the door, rapping quickly three times and then yanking it back as if it had offended me. I shivered and waiting, my chin down and my eyes narrow with guilt. What was I going to do? Apologize for punching him? Tell him I liked him? Close up and act like an asshole again?

"Come in." a faint voice was called from behind the door.

He could not be doing this to me… Now I had to open the door as well? My hands were shaking so bad I couldn't grip anything, let alone a door handle. I stood; face flushing and feeling too hot for my own good.

"Come in!" Gold called again, voice strained.

I took a shaky deep breath and pushed my hand down on the handle, finding this all too ridicules. I swallowed, let the lock undo itself, and held the door in place for a second. I counted to three in my head before pushing it open gently.

Gold sat, wide and glossy eyed against the nearest wall, a foot or so away from an unused sofa. I blinked in astonishment at the sight of him.

His hair was ever so slightly damn, falling in his face like usual with the same stupid cowlick in the back. His legs were drawn in close and his hands were resting with something all too familiar to me. But it wasn't the fact that his face was choked with some strange relief filled emotion that had me confused, it was the fact that he was like this, all alone in this low-lit apartment with his shirt off and his muscles rippling.

We were speechless. For a whole who knows how long, we just looked at each other. Confusion, anger, sadness… it all seemed to get lost in the mix of what we were supposed to be doing. I stared down at him, with his head resting against the wall, his eyes glimmering with the reflection of the silver and golden pokeball I sent him. It was all I could do not to turn and run away at that moment.

"Silver…" he managed in a very small voice.

The sound of his voice made my stomach do strange little flips. In my head I replied to him, but in reality I couldn't bring myself to say anything. I blinked and swallowed, and then with a gentle huff I moved. To his side by the wall.

A strange feeling came from somewhere deep inside me, and it felt like it was trying to choke me for all I was worth. I didn't understand, and I didn't want to, but all I knew was that it was stronger than it had even been.

It was the same feeling I had gotten that night on the mountain when Gold was very ill. That night I had stayed by his side with a buzzing in my stomach, not quite unpleasant, but certainly worried. This was a molecular feeling compared to the one I had when I thought Gold had died. The moment he slipped off the edge of a cliff, herded by a giant pidgeot… that moment I thought for surely I was done. Not just him, but me as well

And then when he kissed me…

A whole new world of feelings had woken up. I was terrified as well as blissfully happy. I wanted nothing more than to kiss him back, and yet at the same time… all I could do was run. Run. Run like I always do.

Well I wouldn't run this time…

I slid down the length of the wall at Gold's side, heart beating too harshly. He looked at me with feverish eyes, startled by our legs suddenly pressing against each other. I could see his fingers tighten around the pokeball in his hands as well. For the first time ever I realized that the confident, slightly arrogant boy that once always had me flustered was gone. He was nervous…?

This gave me strength. My voice managed then.

"I'm sorry." I whispered.

For a minute I thought he might burst into tears, but he just stayed stiff, turning his face down at the pokeball, eyes narrowing.

"I—I thought you hated me."

No! I wanted to tell him, but everything got all clogged up again. I had to shake myself free of the shock, which made me realize just how little I had shown him before. Sure I—dare I say—cuddled with him for two weeks straight, but I also pushed him away. And then when I really screwed up…

I had spent so much time thinking about how much I missed him… and how much I really did care, that I hadn't bothered to realize I wasn't showing him any of this. I couldn't believe myself. I was thoroughly repulsed with myself actually. All this time not realizing just what I was doing… and more or less hurting him.  
And how could I hurt that face? That stupid, arrogant, troubled baby face?

I wasn't sure what happened then, but I snapped. Maybe it was because he was shirtless and still damp, or maybe it was because we had just been away from each other for too long with unspoken words needed to be said. My sanity perhaps—I just lost it.

And suddenly I was wrapping my arms and legs around him, pressing my face into his neck, shoulders rounded forward and hands gripping too tightly until he let out a soft gasp.

"I—I don't hate you." I spluttered, reaching down and putting my hand over his on top of that pokeball. He turned then, out of the awkward position we were in to face me.

I felt his lips touch my forehead ever so gently, and then he pulled back, so quickly I was sure he was thinking that I would punch him again. But I wouldn't… even if my natural reaction to the electric zaps he sent through me was to punch him. I restrained myself from the aggression and focused on letting my claws unclench into hands again on his back. I managed a small, shaky sigh.

"Silver—Silver I—I don't—know—

I nuzzled my face into his chest and silenced him. "Shut up." I didn't want to talk about it. I said I was sorry, I pretty much just gave him to ok to be with me.

"But—But you—

"Just stop."

"Silver!—

"What?" didn't he realize how hard this was for me? Didn't he understand just how thin the tightrope I was walking on was? I didn't want to leave again… I didn't want to run away from this.

"You left my front door open." Gold ran his fingers over my cheek, brushing my hair back around my ear and making me flush.

I eyes drew upward and I pulled slightly back, to look at the front door that was wide open, revealing the room across the outside hall, cracked open, the face of a child with wide, scared eyes looking through. He blinked at us, probably thinking we were absolutely crazy. Two guys—any rational kid with a normal childhood would know just how wrong this was.

"What?" I snarled at the kid, embarrassed with myself more than anything.

He squeaked and turned away then, slamming his own door shut. I saw the blinds next to his window close tighter as well.

Gold let out a small nervous laugh and turned back to me then. His lids half closed, lips parted slightly, cheeks red as could be. I could see him twisting into someone else as he looked at me. His eyes grew light but heavy with some strange emotion. Seductions? No…

"So now what?" he finally whispered, obviously not too interested in detaching himself from me. I could feel how cool his skin was though, despite his terrible blushing. I glanced back at the front door.

"Shut that?"

I thought for a moment he might burst into laughter, or maybe he was giddy. I couldn't tell. He turned a darker shade of red and nodded once.

"Good idea." With too much effort he pulled his legs back from being around me, our feet tangling and our arms slithering past one another, subconsciously trying to get one last feel before we dispersed.

I stayed on the floor for a few extra seconds, looking at the sleek, broad back of Gold as he got up and shut the door. There was a soft slam, reassuring me that his fear was trying to ruin the silence. I swallowed hard when he locked the door and looked back at me, some hybrid smile crossed between creepy and sad. He coughed nervously, and that's when I decided to stand up.

"Gold—Ho—How have you been?" I forced some conversation, thinking maybe this would make things a little less awkward. It was hard to believe I had been so comfortable with this boy a couple weeks ago. I stood, gripping the back of his couch with both hands, wishing that it could be that easy again.

"Do you want the truth?" he looked away, sadness taking over his face. "Because I COULD tell you that I have been fine…"

"The truth."

He strode towards me, muscles strong and tight. I really had never seen him without a shirt on before… so I was just a tiny bit flustered. It wasn't like looking at myself in the mirror. I was lanky and lean and tall, while Gold had a stockiness that I found somewhat daunting. He was probably two inches shorter than me, but I never felt like he was. I felt like I was shorter than him most of the time.

Of course that could be because I tended to slouch forward when I was nervous, and around him I was always nervous. While regardless of how he felt he was perfectly capable of pulling those shoulders back and looking bold.

"Oh I don't know Silver… I—I guess I've just had a lot of bad luck lately…"

The way he said my name made me want to flinch and tingle all over. He sighed and just when I thought he was going to come right up to me he turned and moved towards the couch instead. I looked after him with my hand raised, thinking that he must be reluctant. Did he hold a grudge? With a slight shake I moved to go by him. He sat before I did, flopping down in the middle of the couch where it formed an L shape.

I took a moment and sat beside him, though an inch away from touching him in all directions. He blinked at me with those sad honey eyes.

"My mother moved… to the big city." He murmured. "She said it was for finance issue… but I just don't believe it… and then when I decided to go home… I—I found these people living in my house." I could see he was getting somewhat choked up. He had to swallow it down before going on. "The man… he was horrible… he threatened me with his gun a couple times… and after I got into a battle with his daughter, the champion of Hoenn, he—he… shot… Skarmory."

My eyes grew wide, and for a moment I could feel my heart stutter to a terrified stop. Skarmory? But that was Gold's most loyal… most comforting… that pokemon was just his favorite all around (not that he really picked favorites. He loved all his pokemon). But still… I could only imagine the moment when she was shot. Horrible images of the bird falling to its death made me shiver.

"She… She is alive—But—But she wi—will never fly… again."

I didn't know whether to be relieved or even more horrified. A bird pokemon that couldn't fly? What could be a worse life to live? Gold blinked away his grief and scrubbed the back of his arm against his face. He sniffed.

"It isn't that… terrible, right?" he was honestly asking me. "I mean… she could have died."

I almost blurted out (as a reflex reaction) that Gold should just put her out of her misery now, but the desire to comfort him was much stronger now. Why would I revert back to snide comments like that when it would only hurt him? I realized that this wouldn't be an easy road… going down to turn myself around… but I was willing to try it.

"Right…" I nodded, trying to picture myself in that situation. It would be Sneasel for me… if she got shot I would go bat shit crazy. But I would want her alive of course… a handicap wouldn't make me love her any less.

"But that's not all." Gold whispered, pulling his hand up to look at the silver and gold pokeball I sent him. "I've missed you like crazy."

I didn't respond to him, no matter how badly I wanted to. I wished I had the voice to tell him that I missed him as well… and that I practically WENT crazy. But it just wouldn't come. All I could do was stare at him with a tight jaw. He may have taken it the wrong way too, which only made things worse.

"Sorry… I—It's the truth." He defended softly.

"I—I—mi- I know…" I pulled up my legs so that my feet weren't touching the floor and sighed in defeat. How could we ever understand each other when I couldn't even tell him what I was feeling? My voice just refused to work… my heart was plenty loud and clear… but my voice… not at all.

"How have you been?" he whispered, bringing his legs up to hide his chest. I silently wished he wouldn't.

I just shook my head at him, trying to find the words. Communication was something we would seriously have to work on. "Let's just say…" I looked away. "A little better than you."

He forced a smile. "So just a little miserable?"

I coughed to hide my embarrassment. If I had been just a little miserable it would have been like any other normal day. The last couple weeks had been pure hell, and yet it seemed Gold had been worse off. For once, I realized.

I looked up at the shirtless honey eyed boy and nodded anyways. My feet were shifting, moving slowly away from me so that I was inclined towards him. For some strange reason it was easy physically… just not mentally. I moved with a dragging slowness until my face was nearest to his. Just shut up and kiss me, I wanted to demand. Just stop with all this awkwardness… if it was going to be awkward I rather it be awkward in another way.

A physical way.

"Silver…" Gold didn't push me back, no; his hands actually encircled around my head and drew me in close to his bare chest. I pressed my ear to where his heart would be, my hands twitching and slithering about at his back. There was a strong and mighty heartbeat there, and I took comfort in the fact that it was louder than it should be.

"You did miss me." Gold whispered. "Didn't you?"

As if in response I let my nose skim the length of his neck and jaw, leading up to meet his cheek and finally his nose as well. It was straight and shorter than mine, which was perhaps a little bit aggravating, since my mouth would fit perfectly against his unless I turned my head to the side.

Gold held his breath, his lips twitching open even more and his hot breath stirring in my mouth. I paused, to let this all sink in. Three years of knowing each other and neither of us figuring out these emotions until a couple weeks ago… and then me running from them… Gold hurting.

"Mmmnnn Hmmn…" I barely moaned, hoping he took it as an agreement. Of course I missed you… you stupid boy. You stupid… arrogant… troubled….

Attractive…

My train of thought was lost as our lips met.

Sexy… boy…

Tongue slipped in past each other's lips and swirled as if it was a new dance. Moans of pleasure and longing started to vibrate between us. His hand came up and gripped a fistful of my hair, tugging gently, but hard enough to make me shudder. Chills rolled up my sides and with my eyes shut I forced the spinning walls away.

At first it was me pushing, gripping his wrist and forcing our mouths further together and our tongues to salivate more, more, more. My mind whirled though, and I couldn't bother to let control handle me. I would rather let Gold handle me.

With a sharp huff, our mouths broke apart and I fell back against the floor with a grunt. My balance was absolutely gone, and if it wasn't for the fact that I was absolutely shocked into numbness, I would have had another tempting moment where I wanted to punch him. I stared up at the ceiling, breathing heavily, hands shaking.

Then Gold appeared, with his soft lips parted and drool dripping over them as he looked down at me from back up on the couch. His face twitched into a shallow happiness, and I could see a smile dancing in his eyes. He reached down with the back of his hand and brushed my hair back from being strewn across my face.

"So—So what now?" I spluttered, breathless. His eyes grew slightly wider again, innocent in a way, and then of course, too pleasantly surprised. He blinked fondly and ran his fingers down my neck; giving me goose bumps and making me shiver before answering in a whisper.

"Now you stay."


	23. Chapter 23

~Gold~

Fuck me and all I was worth, I cursed silently, staring at my half naked self in the mirror of the bathroom. What the hell did I think I was doing? This was the dumbest idea I had ever come up with… and yet I wanted it so bad.

Three weeks or so of no Silver at all… three weeks of Hell. And then all of the sudden he is back in my life and I'm positively giddy. Not to mention scared shitless, but still giddy.

Steam flitted around me and made my chest feel loose with moisture. I blinked rapidly at myself in the mirror, cursing whoever designed this apartment for not putting a door into the bathroom off of my bedroom. It was like somewhere in the back of their mind they wanted this to happen to someone. They wanted the choice to be too easy.

I also cursed myself for buying un-see-through shower curtains, because had I bought see-through one Silver would have ordered me out the second I approached the opening that lead to the bathroom. But he couldn't see me now…

He didn't know I was right outside the curtain, trying to hold my breath to block out the sound of my frantic breathing… standing with nothing but a towel around my waist.

Stupid… I was so stupid…

So what if he made out with you for a half hour in the floor in your living room? So what if he got so hot that he took his shirt off as well and let out chests rub together? I flinched and felt my insides stir, just below my belly button…

Not quite down to my privates…. yet.

I couldn't take this… I was going to scare him off… surely he would leave… and then he would never talk to me again. He might even punch me in the face one more time, and I wouldn't exactly mind that. I would deserve it none the less.

But really? How could I stand here, fighting common sense for instinct?

From beyond the opening into my bedroom I could see Skarmory peeking around the corner, her eyes sharp and cautious. I raised my finger to my slightly swollen lips to tell her to be quiet before she would screech at me. She literally rolled her eyes at me for this, which made my blush. I stormed over to her and crouched down to her level.

"You think I'm crazy?" I whispered.

She nodded.

"Do you think I'm stupid?"

She nodded again.

I perched my lips. "Don't make me put you back in your ball." I didn't want to admit it to myself, but I hated the fact that her rationality would change my mind. I wanted this so bad… and yet everything was pointing in the other direction.

But when else would I get the chance?

I didn't think Silver expected to be over and using my shower so late at night any time after this… even if he was comfortable with me…

Which brought up the nagging question once again… what were me and Silver? Friends with benefits? Boyfriends? Lovers? I flinched. Nothing sounded right.

This was another reason why I wanted this… I wanted to know just how far Silver would go with me. I wanted to feel him succumb to being with me. I wanted him to let me in. I wanted to know every fucking detail about every fucking thing that ever fucking happened to him in his mysterious life. I wanted him to tell me why he stole professor Elm's pokemon so long ago, and I wanted to know how he felt about it now. I wanted him to fill me with the enchantment of knowing… knowing and being and belonging.

I just wanted him.

With a nervous start I turned away from Skarmory, who knew I would do what I wanted regardless of how she felt. I felt a sharp tug on the towel around my waist before I was out of her reach, and she shook her head at me once more. Fumbling with the thing I could only glare back at her. I loved Skarmory to death but sometimes it wasn't always easy having a pokemon trying to be your mother.

"Go on!" I hissed, flicking my wrist at her. "That's an order."

She turned with a screech—too loud—and tried to flap her wings and fly away, which was a pathetic attempt. I figured she only did that so I would keep my mind distracted on her inability to fly and not Silver, but it still made my heart ache.

"Gold?" Silver's voice made me jump.

I whirled and look towards the shower curtain, seeing him peeking around from behind the material and letting out a cloud of steam. I swallowed hard and gripped the towel tightly, completely speechless. He drew back almost as quickly as he looked at me, without saying a word.

I was expecting the water to stop almost immediately, which would have made me lose all my nerve and my ego, but the fact that it didn't made my hopes lurch. Silver didn't look angry just now… did he? I hadn't gotten more than a passing glance before he retreated so I wasn't sure.

With my heart rapid in my chest I took a few steps forward to where the curtain met the wall. I could see where it was being pulled, and I knew Silver was holding it in place on the other side. I put my head against the wall with a sigh, trying to calm myself but feeling suddenly too hot to think straight.

"Silver I—

"What?"

"Can I-?

"NO!"

I sighed again, louder this time, and with a heavy heart I turned away from the shower all together and wrapped the towel tighter around my waist. My common sense was right, Skarmory was right… this was a stupid idea.

"Wait."

I stopped in the entryway to the bathroom, just past the sink and the mirror, my eyes reverting back to the curtain. His voice brought with it cruel and shallow hope.

"Why?" I could see his gray eyes peeking between where he held the curtain shut and pulled it ever so slightly. He stared at me.

I swallowed. "Why not?" such a lame response…

His eyes narrowed. "Alright… fine."

"Really?"

"But don't look at me." He growled. "And don't touch me. Don't even smell me!"

"So I can taste you?" I almost slapped my hand over my mouth in shock. Where did that remark even come from?

"Fuck you!" he snarled and shoved the curtain shut again.

I hung my head, though trying to fight the laughter rising in my throat. It had been quite a while since I felt happy enough to laugh… let alone make perverted comments like that again. And in a very strange, refreshing way, hearing Silver get so pissed off so easily was making me happy. New Gold and Old Gold… working in harmony for once. Suddenly I felt like the fifteen year old kid that met him three years ago again.

"Ok!" I blurted with a laugh. "Fuck me."

"Go away." Silver nearly moaned.

"This is my house." I bit my lip. "Come on Silv… you said I could come in."

I could nearly hear him flinch behind the curtain. It wasn't as if he had any real choice in the matter. He couldn't get past me either way; I stood between him and his clothes. At some point tonight I would see him naked whether he liked it or not.

Was that aggressive?

I almost laughed at the thought, though I knew I shouldn't be so terrible. I was only going to push him further away once he did get out of here.

"Silverrrr…" I whined.

He didn't answer.

"I'm just going to come in then."

Still no answer. I was starting to think he was tunneling through the floor at lightning speed to get away from me.

"Alright… here I come." I gripped the shower curtain and uncurled the towel from my waist. It slipped off lightly, making me shiver and my toes curl. I swallowed hard and tossed the thing on the sink before sliding back the only thing standing between me and Silver.

I wasn't about to close my eyes now and slip on my way in, but I kept my eyes carefully to the wall as I stepped over the tub and into the inch high water. The water pounded down on the other side of the shower, not yet touching me. I had my back to Silver (if he was still here that is. He may have booked it as soon as I moved the curtain).

I held my hands against the cold tile for a minute, wondering if he was looking at me or not. What was he thinking if he was? Of course I had a decent body, I wasn't ashamed in the slightest, but how was he reacting to that? More importantly… how was his body?

"Can I turn around?" I asked, clearing my throat softly.

"No!"

"So I have to stand like this the whole time? How am I supposed to get clean?"

Suddenly the plastic end of a scrub brush hit me in the back. I gapsed.

"Jerk." I muttered, holding back a yelp of pain. I flinched and arched my back upward. "I'm turning around."

"Don't !"

"What are you afraid of?" I had to admit, despite having a good time I was actually getting a bit frustrated.

I heard the sound of the shower rings clinking together as he tried to escape.

"Silver." I said sharply, and whirled, reaching out behind me and trying not to slip. My hand caught his bicep and gripped tightly.

He looked like he might punch me for a second, but I didn't care. I couldn't understand. He wouldn't have come back… he wouldn't have sent me that pokeball if he didn't want this. He may not be willing to admit that he wanted it, but I could see that he did.

"Look at me." I pleaded, reaching past him to close the curtain again. It blocked out the bright lights and left us in a dim, private little bubble of our own world. He wouldn't look at me at all, he held himself as far against the wall as he could get, shaking lightly.

"Silver, please."

"I hate you." He grumbled.

"No you don't."

He didn't answer.

"Please…" I whispered.

Ever so slightly he glanced me way, looking crossly at my expression, perhaps thinking that I was still amused. I blinked gently and my lips turned up just a bit, hoping that it would give him comfort. I didn't want him to be nervous. I didn't want to be nervous either…

Gently I raised my hand, taking my fingertips and touching his jaw. He flinched under my hand, and his eyes grew wild. I could see his face growing immensely red, and he felt very hot, but that only encouraged me.

I slithered my fingers down his neck and around so that they were lost in the sopping mass of his dark red hair.

"Don't be scared." I said and leaned upwards.

He turned his lips to mine then, but did not kiss me.

"Silver." I whispered his name and pressed my lips against his throat.

"I hate you." He squeaked, but it was a lie. I could tell.

I shook my head softly and dropped my hands to his shoulders, letting them slide down his arms and gather just above his elbows.

"Yes, I do." He was paralyzed under my grasp.

"Silver."

"What?" he managed, fingers twitching against my hips, trying very hard not to grip my waist, but wanting to so badly. I smiled, and despite myself, despite everything and how stupid this all was, I lost all sense of who was controlling me. Ever so softly I whispered…

"I love you…"


	24. Chapter 24

LEMON LEMON LEMON LEMON LEMON LEMON LEMON LEMON LEMON LEMON

Wreckage of your childhood~ you have been warned!

~Silver~

My head hit the headboard with a faint thud as Gold pushed me down on his full size bed, straddling me with nothing but a towel between us. A towel full of lies and moisture. He claimed we would dry off, when he wrapped the damn thing around him, but that wasn't the truth. He merely guided me out into the warm open area that was his bedroom.

Skarmory had toppled away in a fuss, shaking her head and obviously displeased. I couldn't say I blamed her. Gold's lack of anything fit for two in this place was getting to me. Who only had one towel hanging up in their bathroom? Mostly everywhere had at least two…

But not Gold… because he was stupid.

"Do you want to dry off?" he pulled the single towel out from between us and rolled to the side, his stark naked olive toned body slippery like a fish. Hadn't he even washed the soap off of him? I blinked away the thoughts… no… he had only washed the soap off of ME.

"Mmmn." Was my only response, which had been my only response for the last half hour or so. I couldn't give him any rational answers… I was too flustered by all of this. I was too absolutely amazed by the fact that I was even enjoying myself.

I felt the towel graze my shoulders and chest, rubbing lightly to soak up the remaining drops of water that lined me. He brushed his lips along my eyelids and let his lashes flutter helplessly as well. I let out a soft whimper.

Not yet had I given myself enough dignity to look down at Gold and see just exactly what he was feeling. By feeling I mean how hard he was, even if it was quite obvious that somewhere in the mix of all this he had gotten very hard. I knew this anyways, but still… the desire to LOOK, was compelling me. Especially since I could feel the trunk of Gold's erection probing at my thigh now. I shivered.

Was I hard? At this point I couldn't even tell, though if I had to guess I would say I surely was. Part of me wondered where this was going to end up, and why all of the sudden it seemed ok to just give in. Honestly who was he to think he could just ruin me like this? Who was he to think that he could mend me with the touch of his lips?

"Gold…" I huffed.

"Yes?" his hand stopped with the towel at my hips and I felt his arm slither beneath my back. I could see this happening now, and it thoroughly repulsed me in a way.

"Why—what is going on?" I looked at his honey eyes as he propped himself up on his elbow and looked crossly at me. Was it just me or did my voice sound strained? Hoarse maybe?

"I don't even know." He shook his head sadly. "But I do know that I like it." With a gentle touch his fingers trailed down the smooth, flat expanse of my stomach below my belly button, stopping just above my crotch. I stiffened.

"You're crazy" I huffed, fear rising in my throat as well as flush on my cheeks.

Gold let out a soft laugh… I hadn't heard him laugh so much before… and not in a long time as well. It made me hope it was out of nervousness. Because I was only being so mean because I was afraid… maybe he was only so giddy because he was nervous?

Or maybe that was just the side of him that I had been missing out on for so long? I actually liked it.

I liked the way his straight white teeth where both straight and white, but not perfect. There was something about them that bothered me. Maybe it was because they all seemed to be the same size, when most people had some variation in teeth size somewhere in their mouth. But then again, it was that bother that made them perfect.

I liked that his hair felt longer in his face rather than away from his face like any normal human being's would. I liked that it always looked the same length, and never once had I noticed him get a haircut (which was something I would notice right away). I liked that it wasn't quite black in color, but more so soot gray.

I liked that his honey colored eyes seem to dance no matter what emotion was shown.

I liked the fact that he liked me…

That he loved me…

Even though I wasn't convinced Gold knew exactly what love was (I sure didn't) it still was nice to here. He told me he loved me numerous times since the first in the shower, and I got the feeling it was because he was trying to come to terms with the idea himself. Maybe it felt wrong on his tongue… maybe it was right and he didn't want to admit it?

I wasn't sure, but I wasn't arguing either.

"You make me crazy." Gold whispered, long after my insult had been done and over with. His lips lingered at my neck and I could tell he was contemplating everything. To naked, sexually active boys in bed together… what was there to contemplate other than this was disgusting and wrong? I wanted (for a split second) to tell him to get the hell away from me, but it came out in a shallow moan of encouragement instead.

Gold wasn't crazy… I was the crazy one… for letting him do this to me.

With a gentle shaky breath his lips touched mine, and I was forced to lose track of everything on my mind. His tongue… was hot and… just…. Just… What?

Before I could comprehend the words to describe the way his tongue tasted he had strewn himself across my body and smothered me. My mind whirred back to reality for a split second and I shoved his face away, shock making me gape. That was NOT what I was expecting…

Even if I didn't know what to expect… it surely wasn't this!

"Don't look so repulsed." Gold pleaded, obviously hoping he hadn't pushed it too far.

"Ge—Get off!" I spluttered.

He wore the face of an injured lilipup and stared down at me with wide, begging eyes. "But you feel so goooooood."

There that was again… that awkward, adorable whining thing he discovered inside himself. I hated it…

"Ju—Just … relax." Gold leaned forward and pressed his face against my chest. His body was heavier than mine would be, but at the same time I couldn't bring myself to dislike it. It was a comforting heaviness, more like a blanket than anything else.

"No! Ge—Get O—OFF!" I tried to push him away, but he clung to me, with both arms wrapped around my back tightly. I tried to keep my thoughts away from the fact that our dicks were pressed up against each other, feeling like a cross between sword fighting and wrestling.

"Gold!" I pulled my face away from him trying to kiss me, heart pounding. "This is rape!"

He stopped squirming above me when I gripped my arms around his back as well. There was an awkward moment of him perhaps thinking that I was giving in, rather than reacting, and then I rolled heavily to one side, pinning him down with all my strength and hoping it was enough.

He blinked up at me in astonishment. "You are not going to top." It wasn't a question, but a statement.

I blushed a horrible red. "No!" because we are not having sex! I added silently. I couldn't say the words out loud though… maybe it was because some part of me… somewhere deep inside wanted to have sex with him? And even if I did! Surely YES I would top!

"Then get back under me." He laughed with high spirits.

"No! I mean… Yes!" I shook my head, so confused. "You're not going to top!"

He smirked at me, a full on rape face. I shivered. That wasn't a challenge, that was a demand… for him not to do something. I felt absolutely stupid when his hands moved up the length of my chest and back down again, heading south to the only place I held high enough up so that he had room to maneuver. I didn't want him to touch me there, so almost as instinct I dropped my hips back down to meet his, squeezing my eyes shut.

"Mmmmmn…." He moaned gently.

"Shut up."

"Make me."

I stared at him like he was crazy.

"You want to top, go ahead."

Was that a challenge? I was so confused. And the worst part was that I could quite easily have gotten up and left then, naked and all, yet I didn't. Damp haired and hot I bent my face down to kiss the boy that knew just how to ruin me and all I was good for. How was I supposed to cope like this? It was impossible to say no to him!

He moaned beneath me again, louder this time, as if to annoy me, and then moved his hands from his sides and swiftly raised them to my ass. I broke the kiss when he gripped hard and made me squeak.

"Silver."

I glared at him.

"Do you want to top?" it was a serious question this time, I could see it in his eyes, and it bothered me to know that he was actually giving me the choice. I was a man, my natural instinct should be to top, and yet I could see from the look in his eyes that he very much wanted to. There was fire there, and fire for desire.

"Who said we are having s—sex?" I was choked on the last word.

He blinked pleadingly at me, giving my thighs an experimental squeeze, as if I was a squeak toy he couldn't quite figure out. I held back my approaching response and swallowed hard. Well… I suppose… if he wanted it so bad…

Without looking at him I rolled to the side and kept one hand around his back. He came over me willingly and that heavy blanket feeling made me sigh. He even adjusted a pillow under my head, which I couldn't tell if I liked or not.

"I love you." He leaned down and pecked me on the lips. "I'll be gentle… I think."

I was sadly forced to realize that this was as new to him as it was to me, and that neither of us knew what the hell we were doing at all. I knew I wasn't some pervert that read up on this kind of stuff, so I was completely lost, thinking that maybe a porn magazine once in a while could have helped me now. I cursed myself for never enjoying the world of sexual intentions like normal people.

Gold on the other hand… I could see where he might get his hands on some dirty stuff once in a while, and the fact that he was so willing—so wanting—to top… it made me wonder if perhaps he had done this before.

A zap of jealousy went through me. No! No… I argued with myself. I just got done thinking that I was in for a hell of a time because we didn't know what we were doing, and now I was thinking that he had done it before? What was wrong with me?

With who though? If… it where indeed possible… that he could have done this before? Maybe that bitch Lyra from his home town? Maybe that was why she was so crazy? Maybe Gold rocked her world into some mental disability and—

"Silver… what's that look for?" he brought my thoughts back from a parallel universe where nothing made sense.

I almost slapped him and said "why did you fuck her?" but the words stopped themselves as I realized I was being completely irrational.

"No—nothing." I spluttered. "Just—just get on with it." I wrapped my arms tighter around his back, thinking he was mine. Mine! "If you're going to do it…" I added just to ease the pain of knowing I was so open to this now.

A nervousness came over him. "Can… Can I?"

"Shut up." I shook my head. I didn't want to hear his voice… it was too much talk… that made it more awkward I was sure… not to mention distracting.

Without the ok he wanted he reached his hands down between us and ushered his dick lower. I gasped slightly when he pushed one of my legs back and then smeared the head of it against my—god forbid—asshole. A hot liquid made me shudder, and I knew all too well that this was precum (and a whole lot of it too) that was going to get him inside of me.

I was straining against the bed as he tantalized the sensitive area with a finger, not entering, perhaps too afraid, but making me moan just the same. His dick traced upwards, rubbing leniently against my balls and then matching my own swollen member inch for inch. At this I had to look, I had to see just what it was that could make me feel so good—yet so horrible.

Sure I had seen my own boner plenty of times before, but seeing someone else's made my heart bound. While mine was bound to be longer, since I was taller and had longer limbs than Gold, but his looked twice as strong. There was a stockiness to his that made me unsure of all this. I realized with a start that it looked menacing, while mine was only slightly unsettling.

And yet he stared down at the two dicks, matching each other with twitches and ripples as if it was something special. I could see it in his eyes, that he was basking in the glory—of mine or his own, I couldn't be sure—of whatever he could see that I couldn't.

"Can I-?

I just nodded. I was completely lost now, unable to think straight in the slightest.

Ever so gently his firm hand came around our touching dicks. I gasped, looking with narrowed eyes at the ceiling where I could hide my face from him. Was this pleasure? Was this how it was supposed to feel? I wondered briefly if a female could make me feel this way, then decided it was a conversation to have with myself later.

His finger collected on the tip of my swollen erection and pressed lightly. He let out a faint moan that matched mine, and had I been looking at his expression, I was sure I would have blown all over the place right then and there. Something was pulsating inside me, deep, radiating about at the base of my trunk, straining to come out.

I couldn't be so sensitive could I? There was no way I was going to cum… not this early… right?

While my face was turned away, steered up towards the ceiling I felt something, hot and moist and all too familiar, come in contact with the most sensitive part of me. I arched my back and gripped the sheets around me as tight as I could. My eyes must have grown huge.

"Don't!" I gasped, looking down at his half closed mouth around me. I shook my head dramatically. That was too far… too much for me.

Gold pulled back gently and let the member stand at attention on its own. He took his dick back as well, and slid the tip into place against my ass. Without a word he leaned up to kiss me, gently, smothering my pulsing erection and letting it calm down for a second. His mouth was hot and feverish and I couldn't believe that I would kiss him after he just did…

Let alone what he did though… how about the moment of entrance just blew my mind to pieces. I melted as his fingers drew around the base of his penetration device and he guided it to me.

"Grrrnnnhhhppph…." His face twisted into discomfort as I ripped a hand from the sheets and dug my nails into his shoulder. Everything suddenly felt as if there was pressure on me. My everything turned into a throbbing hole and even my teeth needed to grip something. Saliva drew from my lips as he broke away from the kiss and tried with all his might, to make this work. I grunted and twisted and pushed my face into his neck, drawing my teeth just above his collar bone and making him flinch. I bit hard, but not hard enough to draw blood.

"Silver… shit." Gold's flop of hair fell over my forehead as he twisted from my grasp and pushed his knee down around the side of me. His neck dripped with my spit as well as the red mark of a bruise. I could see the shock on his face, but I knew he was more amazed with the achievement from below.

I gasped and coughed slightly.

He had seriously just done that? Forced his dick into me? I felt swollen and drugged and utterly full. There was some strange part of me that felt like maybe if I looked down I could see just where it ended in me (which felt like up to my belly button).

His hands came away from me and himself as he came to the sensation of actually being able to hump. He swallowed and pulled his chest from mine, careful not to dislodge himself, and then pushed his hands up on the under part of my thighs. My backside came up with little difficulty and I reached up at him, wishing his face was too close to look at again.

His honey eyes were drowned in sex appeal, and I couldn't help but realize just how lucky I was, in a moment like that—even with a dick up my ass—that he was mine. He mouthed the words I love once more and started to rock against me.

All the dizzying emotions came and went and stripped me of a common sense in an instant. I could feel every piece of him dictating who, what, and where of my insides. I felt like I was being rearranged, like a puzzle being built again upside down. My heart fluttered and my pelvis ached as he stretched the walls of my insides to a comfortable pace. Soon there was nothing but the gentle sound of him slapping against me, and the ridicules groaning sound from me.

He started talking at one point, maybe to distract himself from the intoxicating pleasure, but I couldn't hear anything above the roaring in my ears. I gasped and shook and couldn't stop my hands from gripping the one thing that needed it most.

Gold hand overlapped mine around my own dick, and together they tore up and down at the sensitive organ, all the while he was picking up speed, slowing speed, pushing deeper, drawing back, making me wish I never left him and never would again.

With a strange, inhuman sound I arched my back and convulsed. From deep within my genitals, somewhere I had never felt before, I strained to feel an emotion so powerful it just didn't belong. Who's body was I in? Because surely mine wouldn't burst so violently, and not under the hand of Gold…

I came. Hard and fast and pounding against Gold while I strained up to put my mouth somewhere it belonged. Against his. He dislodged himself from me though, and I felt all my insides twist with his sudden panic to retreat. I blinked my foggy eyes, unable to see clearly, but not misunderstanding this desire. I had felt it plenty of times before… only for a different reason.

Gold pulled out and moved, somewhere to the side of me and pressed down on my hard stomach as spurts of white slithered downward. I shuddered and threw my head back on the pillow with a shallow gasping. Too fast…. How did I cum that fast?

Gold pressed his lips to the side of my erection and licked once, very swiftly before pulling back and coughing. I turned awkwardly to my side and felt the hollowness for the first time. I needed Gold to be my blanket; I needed him to smother me. Oh god… I missed him so much… I needed him.

"Will you-?

"Mmmmnnn." I groaned in agreement, even though I didn't know. It was all ok at a time like this… with so much ecstasy running through your veins. I was throbbing all over, listening, and repeating Gold's rugged voice in my head.

I felt Gold lay beside me, on his side with one hip raised slightly. "Just—make me—

My hand found his dick quickly, and I stared at the throbbing thing as he fell weak under MY touch. It was like power with a joystick, I though absent mindedly as the soft skin felt natural beneath my fingers.

"Oh…. My…. God…" Gold pressed his face into my side and breathed heavily. "Why didn't you say it felt so good…?" I couldn't be sure who he was asking, but his sex ridden voice made me lick my lips. I pumped him harder, until he was just as helpless as I felt.

We were both limp when it happened, and I wasn't sure how he could possibly stay so silent, not while a fountain was breaking through the barrier of his composure and spurting up between us. I flinched at the hot stuff splattering down on my side, but couldn't find it anything else but attractive. He finally pulled himself back from my cum soaked fingers and nudged me to my side. I turned away from him as he wished, and let him wrap his arms around me.

"Silver." He rasped in my ear, snuggling up as close to me as he could get.

"Hmmn?"

"I love you."

The words made me tingle all over, in a different, non-lustful kind of way. I opened my mouth, a reflex reaction, to tell him that I loved him as well, but caught myself in the process. My eyes lolled back and forth, trying to focus with my winded head and my pounding heart. All I could manage to think in that moment was, did I love Gold? How did I even know what love was? How would I ever know?

"Yeah…" was all I whispered back to him. And believe me I felt like an asshole for it.

A thick silence grew around us, and for a moment I could have cut it with a knife if I wanted to. I blinked, glad he couldn't see my face, and reached back to take his hand in mine. He curled it around the front of me tightly and kissed my shoulder. Obviously he loved me…

I swallowed hard.

What if I didn't love him?


	25. Chapter 25

~Gold~

Cloud nine. That's what I was on. All of about twelve hours (I thought) while I slept next to the one person that could make me so happy in life. Sure, my dick felt like I had dipped it in acid, sure my head was pounding and I was dizzy, sure I couldn't shake the feeling of complete and utter embaressement (poor Skarmory, I never put her back in her ball.), but I was absolutely, one hundred percent, perfect.

Until I opened my eyes come morning.

Light filtered through the screen on the window and poured down on my face, as well as the naked expanse of me. I sighed heavily, thinking about the strange foamy, bubbly feeling in the back of my brain. For a moment, I didn't remember sex or losing my virginity in general, all I could remember was happiness. And that happiness didn't even make sense.

I turned, lost in this strange expanse of giddiness, before realizing that was I planned to turn on to wasn't even there. Actually… I wasn't sure for a second, what that was, but I surely noticed it wasn't the pillow my hands came in contact with.

With a grunt I rolled the other way, thinking maybe I was in the wrong place at the wrong time, trying to bring back reality but realizing it was already much too there. My eyes flew open to the empty bed I lay in.

Completely Silver-less.

My first instinct was to convince myself that last night was nothing but a cruel and wonderful dream, and before my mind caught up with the rest of me I actually believed it. But no! Silver had been here, he had been laying with me, he had been under my hands all night… or at least… some amount of the night…

"Silver?" I called with a dry voice. I could taste the unpleasant tang of morning breath on the back of my teeth, and noted to myself that I had never experienced that before. I must have slept like a rock and drooled with my mouth wide open all night.

Still naked and achy I pushed myself from the bed and looked down at the floor. Silver's clothes where gone, the bathroom was empty, the bedroom door was wide open (and I always slept with it shut) and somehow I could just tell that no matter how loud I yelled there would be no answer.

I stood in the sundrenched floor of my suddenly depressing room and looked around helplessly, the strange and unnatural feeling of rejection coming over me strong. I swallowed unsuccessfully and blinked at the pain.

Silver just… hit it and quite it?

I pulled my hands up and wrapped them around my chest with a shiver before shuffling to the bathroom. He couldn't… why would he do that to me? I though he loved me?

And then I remembered…

"Silver... I love you." The words of my memory stung like a beedrill, right in my chest.

"Yeah."

That was it… that was all Silver had said. He didn't respond back… he didn't even agree with a cheap "I do too." That could have left me pondering what he meant. Had he at least said that I would have been able to convince myself he meant he loved me too, not himself too. I flinched.

But he didn't say that… he just agreed… shallowly and halfheartedly.

I felt terribly sick suddenly, my face cold and my fingers shaky. How was it that no matter how much effort I put into things, I always got the same results?

I looked at myself in the bathroom mirror while reaching to grasp my toothbrush and turn the faucet on.

That wasn't me… that was someone else. I was the person I was last night… passionate, lively, happy… this depressed and hurt figure looking back at me was nothing but a lie. How could I just let that go?

Anger sparked in my chest suddenly, and I stood with a tight fist, glaring at that reflection of myself. Last night I had been the person I wanted to be, and I wasn't about to go back into that terrible unhealthy depressed state of mind. Silver or not I couldn't stand it.

Don't get me wrong, I loved Silver… but for a realistic moment, I realized that this wasn't my fault. For once there was no reason for me to feel this way. I gave Silver choices last night… he could have pushed me away. But he didn't. He took and took as I gave and gave, and then he left.

I stared at my blazing honey eyes and gritted my teeth. If that's how he wanted it then fine. I would just stop giving. And then when he had nothing to take he would realize just what he had done. Not what I had done this time, no, what HE had done.

All the pleasure and happiness from the previous night was stored up and locked away in the back of my brain as I scrubbed angrily at my teeth. Mouthwash had never been guzzled so violently before either. I spat into the sink and reached for the soap on the counter.

My hands didn't feel dirty to me, but of course I knew better than that. I washed them twice thoroughly and then my face before turning with a whirl to go back into my room, which was littered with memories and my own clothes. They seemed to cry out for a washing machine. I ignored it and went to the small dresser.

I picked out the first matching things I saw and slipped them on quickly. I wasn't sure where I was going, but I just knew that I had to go somewhere. This house that was not yet a home suddenly felt like a prison cell.

"Skarmory!" I called, making the smell of mint waft up into my own nose.

She screeched at me from behind and I looked back. She was along the other side of the bed, walking skillfully along the base board and coming to my side with narrowed eyes. Obviously the activities preformed last night had her displeased. I sighed and walked over, holding my hand out to her.

"Come on girl, Don't make me feel any worse."

She pecked at my hand once, as if to say don't touch me, then drew her head away.

"I just washed my hands, so stop it." I reached forward again and stuck my palm under her chin to make her look back up at me. She glared as I did so. "Skarmory, im sorry… I know, your… disappointed, or whatever." I couldn't help it, I rolled my eyes.

She pecked at my stomach. I flinched before going on.

"I love Silver." I had to look her right in the eyes when I said this. "Regardless of how stupid I am, or how stupid the mistakes I make are, I can't change that."

Her eyes softened.

"Even so." I gave her a gentle nudge. "He left… Again" my heart ached, and it took all my might to conceal it. I even tried to smile, but it didn't work. "I guess… I guess I scared him off."

Skarmory cooed softly and leaned her face against my stomach to comfort me. I shook my head though.

"Come on. Let's just… let's just get out of here for a little while." I put my arm down so she could climb up to my shoulder. "We haven't done any battling in a while."

She gave me a cross look. We both knew that the odds of her battling again, since she couldn't even fly, were very, very slim. I promised to her the moment I knew she would live after being shot, that we would figure out a way for her to battle again. I was determined to keep that promise too.

"Well if you're not up to it." I had to take into consideration that she might still be recovering. "I bet Ty would love a good battle. We could go challenge the Viridian gym leader."

I blinked in shock.

The Viridia-?

Skarmory looked at me in confusion, I glanced at her and laughed nervously. "Uhh… eheh… Skarmory, I have to deliver that pendant to that gym leader."

How could I have forgotten? Was I really that shallow and forgetful? More than two weeks had gone by since Christmas and I was supposed to deliver Red's gift then! I slapped my hand over my forehead and sighed.

I had just been so distracted… Normally a request like that from a champion would have been at the top of my list of things to do! I groaned internally. How was I supposed to explain this?

Hi, I'm Gold and this is a gift from Red, your lover, that you never see, risking his life on a mountain, oh and by the way, it's two weeks late because I'm an asshole.

Yeah… THAT would go over well.

Guilt gnawed at my stomach, and for a moment I contemplated not giving him the gift at all. Then maybe he would never know about it and it would never be an issue…

But then again… that was something from the champion… the legend Red. I couldn't NOT give it to him. Even if it was late, it was better than nothing. I had this strange feeling in the pit of my stomach that someone was going to be mad at me here very shortly. I sighed.

"Come on. Let's get this over with." I said to Skarmory and turned to leave my apartment.

….

The Viridian city gym was locked when I got there, but after vigorously knocking for about ten minutes I finally got a response. And I was shocked when it was the leader himself answering the door. I expected maybe a guard or security, or maybe even an ace trainer or something, but not him.

And certainly not him in a pair of black sweats with his light brown hair whipped around his face and sticking up all directions.

"WHAT?" he threw the door open. "The gym is closer this early in the morning!" I could see he was about to slam the door in my face, so I reached out and grasped it.

"No! No just wait!" I begged, clutching the handle tightly. "I'm Gold, the champion of—

"Johto, I know, I've seen your face around. I don't care; I need my beauty sleep so go away!"

"I have to deliver something to you!" my feet where sliding as he pulled against my grip, trying to shut the door. "It's from Red!"

"What?" he let go of the handle swiftly and I was thrown back onto the ground. I fell on my backside and nearly crushed Skarmory, whose natural reaction had been to fly from my shoulder, but hadn't made it farther than a couple inches. She flapped madly in the dust, irritated with her handicap.

"Yeah." I looked up at the shocked face of the gym leader. "It's a gift."

Green looked around, as if to see who was watching or could have been listening nearby. But no one was out this early. I hadn't realized it until after I left that that it was barely 6:00 in the morning.

"Come inside." Green said quietly, running a hand through his messy hair.

I got up and brushed myself off before turning and grasping Skarmory with both hands. I could see the sadness lingering in her eyes as I helped her back up to my shoulder. It was moments like this that I knew she was suffering most. I hated it.

"Right… thanks." I said, fallowing the leader into his domain. The lights where all out, and he locked the door behind me (which was sort of unsettling), before turning back to look at me.

"What's wrong with your pokemon?" he asked almost harshly.

He couldn't possibly think it was my fault could he? MY initial reaction was to be angry at his comment. But that was before I remember that it… was… my fault. Skarmory wouldn't have been shot if I wouldn't have been so angry at those people for moving into my old house. I shook my head.

"She… was injured."

"Not in battle." Green stated, as if he already knew. We were being lead into a small hallway where the gym had closed off into. I thought this was heading to the stadium at first, but then I could see it opened up into another smaller room, lined with candles and dim lights and HUGE beanbags.

"Uhhh…. N—No…" I spluttered, catching the name sewed onto one of those beanbags.

Love Sack?

"Don't get the wrong idea." Green stated calmly before flopping down onto the largest of the Love Sack's and sprawling out in all different directions.

"I—I wasn't planning on it."

"Unless of course… You would be-?"

"Gay?" I coughed. "N—No! No, not me."

"Liar."

Was it so obvious? I glared, though somewhere inside me I sort of felt like this was easy for me now.

"Well aren't you gay?" countered, flopping down into my own sack and putting my hands behind my head. I looked over at him as he put his feet up across him me, invading in on my personal space but not minding at all.

"Maybe… sometimes." He twirled a lock of his hair and yawned. "Now about that gift?"

I reached around to where I had stuffed the pendant into my back pocket and pulled it out, chain and all. It was heavier than I remembered, and glimmered under this strange candle glow. The yellow looked translucent and the green was a sickening neon, but still somehow it came together in a display of beauty.

Green got up, wide eyed and leaned across to look more carefully at it. His mouth hung open in awe at the glorious pendant I held in the palm of my hand. I could see flashes of every emotion across his sea green eyes and the sickening reality of it all made my head whirl. That was all too familiar to me…

Those weren't emotions in his eyes… those where memories. I held the thing out to him, biting my lower lip and trying to understand.

His face grew weak with passion and I was afraid that I would be cried on. Choked with love and understanding he reached for it, and took the thing in his hand so delicately I was sure he would drop it.

"I—I can't believe… he found it."

I couldn't speak… what was I supposed to say anyways? The moment was so private between that pendant and Green I wished I wasn't there.

"I—I lost this…" he looked up at me, gauging my reaction with his own. He blinked away most of the emotion, but still looked about as soft as one of his Love Sacks to me. A mushy bag of sap.

"I lost this on Mt. Silver… almost five years ago." The leader (the strongest leader in all of Kanto) had to wipe away his own tears. I blinked, feeling my throat grow dry.

"Red has been up there for five, fucking years." Green choked on his own amazement and emotion. "Looking for this fucking thing… just for me."

I remembered the strange champion who I met up on top of that mountain with reluctance. He had stripped me of my clothes, tried to come onto me, and then asked me of a favor I couldn't fulfill until now. He was the weirdest person I had ever met, and here I was… looking at the person he must care so much about…

A flash of jealous sparked in me, and I found myself staring at my empty hands, trying to picture that gold and silver pokeball there.

What must that kind of love feel like? I asked myself sadly. Silver was all too willing to leave my side, let alone search a whole mountain to find something that was important to me. And something that tiny… a pendant with a chain that could have slipped off the face of the earth for all he knew.

I tried not to judge Silver, I really did, but after walking out on me last night… I just had to admit it to myself that if he put in half the amount of effort Red did… then maybe I would be happy right now.

"Does he love you?" I blurted out suddenly, looking at the Viridian city gym leader.

"The hell he does." Green sniffed. "He better love me, because if he did this for any other reason out of love… he's a dumbass."

"Yeah… but—but has he said it?"

"He did… once." Green nodded. "And I never said it back… so he never said it again."

I blinked in astonishment. "But—but look at you! You're—you just… this reaction…" I didn't want to point out that he almost had a major melt down because of a gift (It would be so hypocrite of me if I did. I cried like a baby when I got that pokeball), but the way he said that… He never said it back?

"I love Red." Green shot me a warning glance. "But I didn't say it because I knew he knew already."

Did Silver think I knew that he loved me? But… did he love me?

"But—But do you REALLY know that he knows? What if he doesn't! What if he is going crazy because you didn't say it back?"

"I don't see how that's possible." Green shook his head. "When you've known someone your whole life you know how they feel about you regardless of what they say."

I could see it in his eyes… that this was his truth. Green must know that Red loves him… and Red must know that Green loves him. I couldn't imagine knowing someone you loved your whole life and them not figuring it out. Again that jealousy sparked in me.

I had only known Silver three years (almost four) so how was I supposed to know what he was thinking?

"Why didn't he bring me this himself I wonder." Green mused after a moment of silence, looking at the precious pendant. It threw dashes of light and color across his face when it sparkled. I swallowed awkwardly.

"He actually… asked me to deliver it to you for Christmas… but—But I got really side tracked and—I just… forgot." I looked down in embarrassment. Who forgets to do a favor for the most famous, the strongest, the LEGEND, Red?

Surprisingly though, Green only laughed at my excuse. "It happens." He shrugged. "Red would never have delivered it to me on time even if it was him bringing it anyways."

I managed a small, relieved smile. "If he brought it himself wouldn't that be a better gift though?"

Green snorted. "That dirty thing in my gym. I wouldn't have let him in!"

My smile faded in an instant. "Why—but! You just said you loved him."

Green laughed. "Nahhh…. I would have to let the poor guy in. You're right. And then once I got him in I would never let him go."

I was finding it hard to take this gym leader seriously at all. The only thing I knew about him—other than what I gathered now—was that he was completely different in battle. The only time I had ever seen him before this had been when I was seventeen and challenging him. I had won; he had flipped me the bird and then kicked me out of his gym before throwing the badge at me. I wondered if he remembered that battle…

"So uhhh… Tell me about this bird here." He pointed at Skarmory, who had made herself comfortable above me in the sack. She glanced up with a tired gaze.

"What about her?"

"Her injury?"

"Oh." I looked away, wanting to bite my lip and sigh at the same time. How could I explain that to him? What was he going to think if he knew that I had let my pokemon take a bullet for me?

"Spit it out now, come on, I have to open the gym in a couple hours." He kicked his legs up and shifted forward, then to my surprise, threw one leg over the length of my lap, making himself as comfortable as if I was another one of those sacks. I flushed a terrible red.

Did he think I was going to stay here long? I glanced around for a clock, to see what time it was now. Of course there wasn't any around though. Just dim candle light that gave nothing away.

"She was… shot." I said at last, brushing my fingers through my hair and speaking as clearly as I could. I could tell that she flinched behind me as well, which only made it that much worse. Guilty… I was so guilty…

"Shot?" Green's eyes flashed like lightening. "How?"

I just shook my head. "A guy was aiming at my Typhlosion… or maybe at me, I don't know, it all happened really fast." I shivered at the memory. "And she jumped in the way of it…"

Green looked at Skarmory with a sensitive gaze, almost as if he hadn't heard me but was listening to the story through her yellow eyes. He raised a hand lazily and held it out to her.

"Come now, show me where?" he asked my pokemon in a voice I hadn't heard him use before.

Skarmory looked alarmed and unsure, but she got up anyways and shuffled over to him, trying not to poke holes in the beanbag while she went. She reached her head over to meet his hand first, as if to greet him, and then turned and revealed her one mangled wing.

All the metal was dented there, from Professor Elm trying to hammer it back into place, and there was a significant bullet hole with something that revealed rust around the circular edges of it. No red feathers grew beneath this dented plating either.

I felt squeamish every time I looked at it. Not because I was squeamish with wounds—not in the slightest—but because I hated the fact that she would never fly again.

"Doesn't look so bad to me." Green reached forward to touch the bullet hole. Skarmory couldn't feel pain there, so she let him easily, but cast me careful glances.

I nodded to her. She could trust Green… actually… there was something about Green that I trusted very much in general. Maybe it was the relaxing way he had this meeting set up, or maybe it was the fact that he had just literally met me and was comfortable sprawling out all over me.

"You know what Gold." The emerald eyes turned up to meet mine, and they sparked with a strange deviance. "I can fix this."

"What?"

"Well, not ME. But my grandfather. Professor Oak, you know, worlds greatest pokemon researcher, has ever medical degree there is for pokemon?"

"But Professor Elm said there was nothing anyone could do!" I tried very hard NOT to get my hopes up, because then Skarmory would get hers up and I didn't want her to be disappointed again.

"Professor Elm, is NOT, Professor Oak." Green shook his head, as if the two weren't even in the same classification. "And I can promise you that my grandfather, will know how to fix this. Hell, even I think I see a solution." He took her wing gently and examined the hole there once more.

Skarmory was begging me, with her eyes, begging for a reason to believe this stranger that had her wing in his hands. She blinked pleadingly and made a nervous little screech.

I placed my hand on her head gently. "You want to try this?"

She nodded eagerly.

"Tell you what." Green suggested, letting her wing go. "Come over to the gym in two days, ill close down then and piss a lot of trainers off…" the idea made his eyes dance mischievously. "And I'll personally escort you to Pallet Town. My grandfather will be happy to help."

I blinked gratefully. "Thank you." But in the back of my mind I wanted to believe that perhaps there was a reason to believe this wouldn't work out. My hopes had been brought up so high lately, and I was tired of them being dropped and shattering.

But the look on Skarmory's face was too much. I had to be happy for her. Awkwardly I grabbed the metallic bird and forced her into a hug she hated. Her wings battered me senseless and she screeched a demand to release her right then and there. I did, but I knew that the humor was still in her eyes. She pecked me right between the eyes and blew a snuff of air in my face before jumping up to her spot behind me again.

Green laughed. "Reminds me of Red and his pokemon."

"Huh?" I gave him a cross look. I reminded him of RED? That was preposterous. I wasn't some pervert that liked to spend time searching a mountain for a tiny pendant that his lover lost five years ago…

But then again… If Silver REALLY loved something that much…

NO… no… he didn't love me that much, so why should I care about things that would make him happy? I didn't know if he loved me at all… I looked at Green somewhat fondly. If I were like Red, then I could have someone like Green to care about me… in the strange way that he did.

"Yeah, you do that whole, embracing thing." Green waved his hands dismissively at me, which made me wonder if he really loved pokemon as much as a gym leader should.

I shrugged. "She was the first pokemon I ever caught."

"Understandable." He nodded once and readjusted his leg over me again. If I didn't know any better, I would say that he was really enjoying this.

And I couldn't say that I wasn't either.

"So, Green. Tell me… about this whole thing with Red. I—I want to know just how you know, or rather how he knows, that you love him?"

"I told you; when you grow up together you just know."

"But really?" I didn't believe it. "There has got to be some sign?"

Green perched his lips for a moment and though deeply. "Well… seduction, sex in general, umm… and he does this weird thing where he bites me."

My face twisted into a strange shape of repulsion. "That just sounds dysfunctional." But then again… Silver had taken a good chomp at my neck last night… I could almost still feel his teeth digging into my skin… and his hot tongue slithering about my mouth… and that hand on my—

"Ha!" Green made me jump. "You try it in bed and see how dysfunctional it is."

Should I try it? I thought for a moment. Would Silver like it if I were to bite him…? I frowned… Who was I kidding? Silver ran off, I wouldn't be having sex with him again…

"Hey, hey. What's up with that face?" Green held back a laugh. "You know one might think your bipolar you go around frowning and then laughing like that."

Maybe I was bipolar? I looked up and scowled lightly, almost mockingly. "Maybe I am." I spoke indifferently.

"Maybe you need to get laid?" Green suggested.

"Ha!" I snorted instantly. What was this? Another attempt at seduction like his lover Red had tried to put on me? Strangely I didn't find it nearly as threatening.

Green… Would I ever want to get laid by someone like Green?

No… because someone like Green would want to top, and I wasn't going to be on the bottom. Not ever. There was too much power in making the person you love scream with pleasure. I shivered as I remembered Silver's moans. God he had been so—

"You're doing it again… that bipolar expression thing!"

I rolled my eyes. "I'm just thinking."

"About getting laid?"

"About other people getting laid… by me." I admitted. "There is someone… that really, just… want to be with."

"You want to have sex with them?"

"No, I want to be with." I corrected him, looking up at the ceiling. I could feel all those muted emotions in the back of my mind coming forward. I scowled again—bipolar expressionist for sure.

"Like… tie a knot?" Green rolled his eyes. "Everyone knows that's still illegal in Kanto." He sighed and pulled his arms up behind his head. "That's why I only have a fuck buddy."

"When do you ever even see Red?" I couldn't help it… I had to ask.

"Only once every couple months." Green said honestly, looking down at my through half lidded eyes. "I usually blame the gym and say I need vacation time, but hell if that was the case I would be out of here every other day."

"Then why don't you see him more often?"

"It's not exactly an easy trip. It's a two day flight up the mountain and a day's flight back down depending on the weather."

"And he never comes down to visit you?"

"No, he's a selfish bitch. He makes me do all the work." Green grinned, as if somehow that was a compliment not an insult. I got the feeling that his relationship was WAY different that the relationship I had with Silver… If you could call was we had a relationship at all.

"I think he does it because he wants me to come to him." Green went on. "You know that effect? When you can't have something easily you just want it that much more?"

I nodded, though it was a rare feeling for me.

"Well Red knows how to milk me for all I'm worth when it comes to that. He knows ill crack before him. He knows I will come to him before he even thinks about coming to me. It's a fucking waiting game and he always wins." Green looked at me with narrowed eyes for a long second, as if he was trying to read my expression, which I was sure was blank.

Was what he said true? Was it really just a waiting game? And more or less… Red MUST know that Green loves him because Green is always the one that comes crawling back. Crawling back up a mountain once ever couple months…

Would Silver do that for me? Would me not giving him the satisfaction of always being there drive him crazy? I wondered… if perhaps that was the most brilliant thing that had ever been thought of.

"So… he drives you crazy, just because he won't make it easy for you?" I asked.

"Yeah. And I don't tell him I love him." Green snorted with frustration.

"I knew it!"

"What?"

"What you just said. He knows you love him because you go see him all the time! But, you don't tell him you love him…" the wheels where really turning now. "So if he's anything like me…" dear lord I was having a breakthrough. "He must be going crazy!"

Green looked at me with a curled lip and an expression that read "go see a therapist", and he was probably right.

I shoved his leg off of my lap as quickly as I could and shoved up from the Love Sack, feeling as though it had been quick sand I was slowly sinking into. My feet touched the ground and I leaned forward without even thinking about it. A gay right-of-passage I suppose.

I planted a sloppy kiss right on Green's mouth and pulled away before he had time to even judge me.

"Thank you!" I said with an exasperated sigh and turned to grab Skarmory. He looked like a deerling caught in a pair of headlights, but was still smirking all the while. "I'll see you in two days!" I yelled back at him as I turned and fled down the hallway with high spirits.

Such a little task that solved so many problems! Skarmory's wing, my dilemma with Silver, and Green getting his pendant. That was all solved and I couldn't help but think that if I had delivered the thing on time I wouldn't have gotten the same results as I did today. I felt a turning point happening, and I couldn't be more satisfied.

All I had to do was restrain myself from Silver.

I started making a list in my head as I walked out of the gym and into the dull morning light, fighting snowflakes as they wafted into my eyes.

1. I wouldn't call him to find out where he was.  
2. I wouldn't show any sign that I was upset about him leaving me last night.  
3. I wouldn't give him any love until he showed me some love.  
And 4.

Absolutely, no way in hell, was I going to tell him I loved him again…

Not until he said it to me.


	26. Chapter 26

~Silver~

Standing outside Gold's apartment was one of the hardest things I had to do lately. And I hated myself for doing it at all.

It seemed as though each step I took up the three flights of stairs to reach the top was dragging my hopes downward. When I started at the bottom I was perfectly fine, but by the time I reached the top, all my confidence dwindled away like my breath—because I walked too quickly in hopes that I wouldn't lose my confidence.

I hated this.

Damn that boy to hell.

I hated him and everything about him… at least… that's what I kept telling myself. I hated how he was perfect at making me want to be with him. I hated how perfect he was at making my heart race, and how terribly perfect he was at making me tremble. I hated that he had so much power of me… with the touch of his hands… and possibly some other various parts of his body. That was beside the point though; I hated it as a whole.

I hated that for three hours this morning I couldn't sit down, even after he said he would be gentle. I wondered how it was even possible for someone to be gentle with that at all, and it made me mad that he didn't even consider it. Guys having sex was like trying to fit a football through a hole the size of a golf ball. I wanted to believe it felt as bad as birth did for women—but that was just my male incentive talking.

Or maybe it was Gold's dick that was talking. After all, that had been what made me think these terrible things to begin with.

I leaned against the railing overlooking the quart yard below Gold's apartment. It was bland and covered in snow fall and making me feel dizzy when I stared for too long, but I had nothing else to look for. My mind was going a million different directions at once.

A part of it was pulling me back down the stairs from Gold's front door, saying that this was unhealthy and wrong and if it hurts so badly, obviously it's a bad sign. Yet another part was driving me to turn around and knock on the door. It claimed that it was my first time, and that there was bound to be a problem or two. The irrationality of the whole thing repulsed me, but I had to admit that was the most enticing thing that crossed my mind in a while.

God I hated myself for wanting to be with him. And I hated myself more for figuring this out now and not earlier. Though I still didn't know if I really loved him or not, I had to admit he was the only person that had ever really been of any real value to me. I didn't want to lose that.

Another significant part of me was saying that I already had lost that…

I left early this morning assuming Gold would call me and ask me to come back. I was thinking—as I got dressed in his clean clothes while he slept—that in a few hours Gold would be leaving me another pleading message to come over. The reason I had left was because I knew he would call me again… or more so thought he would call me.

Now I stood outside his apartment, shivering in the cold night air wondering what could possibly be going through Gold's head right now. Was he thinking about me? Was he thinking about all the things we shared in the past? Was he racking his brain for any realistic reason for us not to be together right now?

Was he trying to figure out just how big of an asshole I was for not telling him I loved him?

I slumped over on the frigid railing and sighed, my breath clouding up in front of my face. Gold must hate me for not saying it back. That was the only thing I could think of. I must have really hurt him…

Which is why I had to make it better now…

I turned with a whirl and raised my fist to knock on the door. It was numb and shaky, but solid as it ever would be. I let it fall three times very softly, hoping maybe he wouldn't hear me and I could assume he wasn't home. I wanted to be left out here waiting just as much as I wanted to be in there with him.

I had practiced what I was going to say to him long before I even came here, but the words felt so wrong on my tongue now that I was here. I forgot half of it, discarded most of it, and hung my head in desperation. What do you tell someone after you walk out on them like I did? Especially after they said they loved you and you didn't say it back. My asshole move should have been a move for life. That was something you do before you leave and never come back.

I heard the lock click softly as it was being turned. I learned early this morning that the door liked to stick and that without a little yank it wouldn't open. I stuffed my hands in the pockets of the sweats I had stolen from Gold's dresser and looked at my feet.

The door creaked open, casting unnatural bright light down on me.

"Si—Silver?" Gold asked with surprise—as if he hadn't probably looked through his peep hole first.

"I—I uhhh… Barrowed your… clothes, and decided I should return them." I glanced up at his face, expecting to see nothing but remorse and grief. I expected him to be a wreck after what I did, but he actually looked somewhat alright. Maybe a little stunned.

He blinked at me, still holding the door halfway closed. "But you're still wearing them?"

Yes you stupid idiot! I'm still wearing them so you will let me in!

The door stretched open wider and Gold stepped back, revealing his living room to me and gesturing for me to enter, as if he somehow heard my voice. I nodded once and shuffled in, not bothering to wipe my feet. A stain from my shoes would only give him more of a reminder of me, I didn't mind that.

I lifted my eyes once I was in and heard the door shut, to see all his size appropriate pokemon with their heads in bowls of popcorn. Jolteon was fearlessly guarding hers from Typhlosion, though he didn't look to be a threat with the mess around him and his own bowl tipped halfway over his face. I noticed Skarmory off to the side a little ways, pecking piece by piece but eating just as quickly as the others. She glanced at me for a second before turning back to her food.

Gold strode by me, unfazed it seemed, into the kitchen of his house, which was fully visible from where I stood in the living room. His back turned to me as he reached up and opened the microware door to retreat the freshly popped bag. The smell of melted butter hit my nose when he opened it.

"I didn't even notice you took my clothes." Gold said cautiously, digging for yet another large bowl to dump this bag into. He pulled out something plastic and green and brand new with the sticker still on the side of it.

You didn't notice? I had expected him to notice right away…

"Oh, well… I guess I should just go take them off then." I said, but did not move. If it meant saving myself from this awkwardness, I was prepared to strip them off right in front of him. Maybe then he would realize that I wasn't ashamed… maybe last night could be forgotten for another night.

"If you want to." Gold shrugged and tossed a piece of his popcorn into his mouth. "Do you have any other clothes with you?"

"Well— I… I…" I looked away. I had brought my clothes from the previous day, the clothes I should have put on this morning before leaving, but they suddenly seemed pretty repulsing. Not only were they still unwashed, but Gold's sweats that were slightly too large and his shirt that was slightly too short were much more comfortable.

Gold came around the small wall that separated the kitchen from his living room, holding the bowl of popcorn carefully and eyeing his pokemon. Obviously his was butter loaded and theirs wasn't. The smell made my stomach growl, but I couldn't tell if I was hungry or if I was feeling sick.

"I brought the clothes I wore yesterday." I said to Gold as he sat on his couch and curled up with the bowl.

This was getting weird… wasn't he even a little bit concerned about me? Being here? Though his eyes stayed well away from mine, I got the feeling he was somehow ok with everything. Or he was somehow ignoring the topic. I wanted to curse and pull my hair out because of him. I came here hoping maybe he would have something to say that would change my mind and it was obvious he didn't want to talk about it at all.

Was he mad at me? Was he hurt? Was he repulsed?

"Well if they are dirty you can just wear those." Gold said with a shrug. "I don't mind."

Did that mean he didn't want me to be getting undressed in his house?

"Oh… ok."

"If you want to use my washing machine you can too." He barely caught me a glance as he gestured to the door a little ways off from his bedroom. I didn't want to admit that I hadn't washed my own clothes yet—I just hadn't found the time with all this dilemma—but how could I say they were clean AND stay in his clothes?

Part of me wanted to rip the clothes off right in front of him, to reveal the bruises on my shoulders and to potentially reignite that spark from last night. But the other part of me wanted to stay in his clothes and feel like maybe I was closer to him this way.

And here he was not caring about anything else in the world but the bowl on his lap.

"Thanks." I grumbled and headed towards the door he pointed at. I might as well do my laundry here. At least then I would have a reason to stay for a while.

The washing room was small and dark without a noticeable light switch, so I may not have dumped enough detergent in with my single outfit, but I didn't care. There were ten settings on this thing and I knew any of them would get the job done regardless of the soap amount. Gold must have a thing for nice appliances, I thought with a huff. His dryer was state of the art as well, what with chrome handles and red paint. I glared at it before turning away.

"Silver, do you want some." Gold called as soon as he saw me. He pointed at the bowl in his lap. I couldn't help but think—and wish silently—that the bowl wasn't there, and he was pointing to his hot beneath his clothes.

"Sure." I swallowed awkwardly and picked around the pokemon in the small living room to be by his side. Jolteon almost took a nip at my ankle, but thought better of it obviously.

I tried to sit nearly on top of Gold, but ended up a few inches away.

Why was he acting like nothing happened?

I reached my hand into the bowl in his lap and—again—had to wish it wasn't there. I forced a glance at him as well, thinking maybe that if I could make eye contact I would see through what he was feeling.

He merely shot me a smile. One that would be given to even the simplest acquaintances… the kind of smile that said "I'm being polite" not "I love you"

I almost frowned, but forced the usual, uninterested look on my face instead.

"So what did you do all day?" he asked me when the sound of pokemon eating was too much to bear. I swallowed the few pieces in my mouth and lied as honestly as I could.

"Just took my pokemon to the forest…" I looked at him fully this time, trying to lodge my eyes into his to see what he was thinking. What possible reason was there for him to just completely ignore the fact that we had sex? Gold sucked at hiding his emotions… I knew that if I just got the chance I would be able to see the reasons.

He turned his attention on the bowl again though. "I did some training too."

"In the forest?" had I ACTUALLY gone there today I may have gotten to see him? And then all the problems now could be solved already.

"No, I went up towards Pewter City. There are more large fields up there. I had to let Mamoswine and Girafarig out. They have been cooped up for a while." He said. It was such a real answer too, that it bothered me. I had told him I went to the forest when in fact I stayed in my pokecenter room dwelling on what to say to him tonight without success.

"Oh." I mumbled and stuck my hand out again, without looking. This time—I should have realized it was bound to happen, I should have thought of it before—our hands collided gently.

I flinched, but didn't dare pull away. I looked up at him, hoping to see those surprised innocent honey eyes. My fingers twitched in wanted, and through the butter grease and the popcorn I let my littlest finger curl with his.

Then he pulled his hand away…

I flushed a horrible red, and wanted nothing more than to punch him in the face and get up and leave right then and there. If that wasn't rejection I didn't know what was. I coughed nervously and pulled my hand back.

"Sorry." Gold said, as if my attempt at holding his hand hadn't just happened. He acted like we had ONLY bumped hands.

"Gold I—

But I couldn't say anything. How do you explain to him that you are sorry for being an asshole and not telling him you love him back, but still didn't love him? How could I do that?

Unless of course I did love him…

No… no why would I? I didn't know what love was…

"Yeah?" Gold asked me in a quiet voice.

"I—I should probably get going."

For a very, very short second I saw pain cross his face, and that right there made it almost possible for me to stay. But it was just a flash—of some strange second thought he was having that involved me going. Did he want me to stay?

"Ok. You can come pick up your clothes whenever you want." He said, looking down. Why was he doing this to me? Why didn't he beg me to stay? Didn't he want me to be with him?

I was prepared to stay… I was prepared to lay wrapped in his arms all night long and never leave again… I would have sex with him again if that's what he wanted! I just wanted to stay…

The words he spoke so delicately to me yesterday rang in my ears once again.

"Now you stay." Gold had said to me with seduction in his eyes.

"Right…" I stood up halfheartedly, forcing the painful memory out of my head. With shaky fingers I was already contemplating leaving the clothes with him until he was forced to call me to know when I would come get them. If I left him with a reason to call… then he would…

…right?

God damn why didn't he act like he loved me? I wanted to punch him in his face again for making me feel so rejected. It was almost like when my father left me so long ago… because he was a failure and thought I was one as well.

Did Gold think I was a failure? Had he given up on me?

I turned, fighting an emotion too strong to face for the moment, and made my way to the door as quickly as I could.

"Silver I—

"What?" I whirled on Gold as he tried to stop me. Tell me you love me… tell me to say…

"I—I…" he didn't look at me, but gripped the sleeve of my jacket tightly and wouldn't let me go. "Just… Have a good night…" he whispered.

Tell me you love me… kiss me… do something!

He let go of my sleeve and turned and walked away. His back to me he took the half empty bowl from the couch and walked towards his bedroom door. He dropped the bowl halfway there and it landed in front of Typhlosion, who looked up in shock, groaning softly as if the despair was too much for him. Popcorn littered the floor in a horribly realistic portrayal of how I felt at the moment. I saw pieces of silent glass falling to the floor, with a drizzle of staining blood on the carpet—not butter.

Shattered… I was shattered.

He wanted nothing to do with me… not romance… not even a kiss before I left. Was I really that awful? I thought maybe—for a long second that would surely catch up to me later—that maybe I was bad at sex.

But was Gold that shallow?

I didn't want to believe so…

And it was my first time! I wished I could reason with myself over this, but for some reason I could only make things much worse.

What if I was bad at sex? What if that was the reason Gold was so obviously turned off by me? My heart sank, and I was forced to drag my attention elsewhere. No reason I should beat myself up over what can't be helped… even though I did.

I glanced around at his three pokemon while my heart stuttered and broke, seeing as though they all were staring at me.

Typhlosion looked the most upset by this. His face was in a full on frown, and I could see that he was very confused. Having not known what happened, it was obvious he wanted me and Gold to be together. For the first time I actually kind of liked the goofy fire pokemon. At least he could see that something was very wrong here. Skarmory on the other hand, who I had always quite liked for her quiet mature nature, was starting to bug me. She glared from across the room, skeptical at me for every rightful reason.

It wasn't my fault Gold didn't put his pokemon back in their balls before sex!

I turned and gripped the handle tightly, yanking the unwilling door and storming out into the cold. Gold didn't want anything to do with me… what else did I have now? Anger pulsed through my veins. What was wrong with me?

I slammed the door as hard as I could and threw my hands over my face, gritting my teeth and wishing I could just understand. Gold was never like this…

I was never like this…


	27. Chapter 27

~Silver~

"Get over here Sneasel!" I yelled at the helplessly unruly pokemon. She lashed up and down and all around at the few tree leaves that managed to survive the cold this season. I was in no mood for her games.

Feraligatr hovered, misting me with his hot slobbering breath while I tried to read the features on my pokegear. I raised my hand and pushed his face around so that I could look at a clear screen, rather than a breath fogged one. He snorted and bared his teeth but moved anyways, his eyes narrowed into slits of unsurity.

Crobat was hanging upside down in the canopy above me, eyes squeezed shut because of the broad daylight, while Magnemite spent its time floating above an abandoned piece of rubble across the clearing from where I sat. I was under the same tree that Gold sat under that night so long ago when I ran into him for the first time in a long time. It was always this tree that I ended up sitting under, subconsciously or not.

A sharp noise came from in the shadows in front of me. I glanced up, annoyed with my pokemon and wishing that I had a way to make them behave. Gengar and Alakazam were wrestling in the brittle grass, spitting attacks at one another and getting a little too rough. All the wild pokemon nearby were starting to scatter in fear.

"STOP IT!" I snarled at the two of them, seeing blood stain the ground below Alakazam.

Gengar faded and slipped away like a shadow on the ground in an instant. I glared around, shaking my head. This is what I get for taking my pokemon to the forest to let them run around for a while. They just wanted to fight and attack one another or bother me…

I looked back down at my pokegear in my hand and scanned the various links and things to press. When Gold had called me the very first time after receiving my pokeball gift I saved his number in the pokegear, but never bothered to actually dial it.

And I didn't plan to call it now… I just wanted to send him a message. Something to remind him that I was supposed to come over to get my clothes without seeming to be pushing for the chance. If there was anything in this world I DIDN'T want from Gold, it was him thinking that I was clingy or something.

This was terrible. How was it suddenly me that was worried over being clingy? Had Gold not spent more time trying to be with me on that stupid mountain? Hadn't he been the one that wanted sex? He was the one that begged me to come over for it…

And now here I was… pressing the buttons to the pokegear, typing out a message as short and sweet as I could make it.

_Coming to get my clothes tomorrow. Busy today._

That wasn't clingy right? That would make him think I had a life that didn't involve him as well. He could wonder what I was doing for once. I hit send and then clicked the screen off so that I wouldn't be tempted to type him anything else. I set it beside me in the winter grass and sighed, thinking that maybe Gold didn't even get messages on his pokegear, and that maybe a call would have been better.

I pushed my face into my hands and leaned forward. My shoulders slumped forward and a moment later I felt a gentle nudge on my shoulder.

"What?" I looked up at Feraligatr, who shoved me with his wide nose. He made a strange, concerned noise at me, showing that he cared.

He pressed his head against my chest and rumbled almost harshly. I could hear water gurgling in his chest and throat to resemble a purring noise. It reminded me of the way he sounded when I first stole him from Professor Elm's lab so long ago. My arms curled around his large neck at the thought, and strangely, I just had to push my face into his hard, scaly skin.

"You know Gold." I whispered to my partner, the pokemon that had always been there for me (even if we didn't always get along). "I don't know why he is ignoring what he had…" I went on as Feraligatr shifted so that his head was lying in my lap. He closed his eyes and listened intently.

"Sex…" I whispered. I had been thinking about it non-stop since we had it. "Gold seemed to enjoy it… at the time… and it wasn't so terrible. I mean it hurt like hell but I would do it again. A—and what does sex have to do with love anyways?"

To me it just felt like sex and love were worlds that didn't touch. Sex was lust… and well love was love. At least—that's the way I grew up thinking. Or not even so much thinking… more like it was just kind of there. Like a black and white picture. That was it…

Sex was black and white and love was all the shades of gray in between.

"Feraligatr…" I rested my chin on top of his head, nearly groaning. "How am I supposed to make this right. Unless I love Gold then there is no way sex is an option… Not that all I want is sex. But shouldn't it be the opposite? Shouldn't sex come before love? Why did I have to love Gold at all?  
I knew the answer… I just didn't want to think about it. It was because Gold loved me, and I would be leading him on if I didn't love him in return.

"How do I know if I love him or not?" I asked out loud.

"They drive you crazy." A soft voice made me jump.

I tore my chin from Feraligatr's head and looked up. All my pokemon had stopped what they were doing in the area and were standing at attention as if an intruder had just walked into view. I glanced around nervously.

Feraligatr pushed up with his great claws and stood on all fours, halfway over me in protection. His long tail slithered about the forest floor like his tongue slithered out between his dagger teeth. He let out a strong hard hiss.

"Who's there?" I demanded.

There was no reply, but a deathly long silence that sent a chill up my spine. I found the direction the voice had come from, and was squinting at it. I wasn't going crazy was I? Certainly not… there was a figure moving in there.

"I can see you! Come out!" I gripped a red spike from Feraligatr's back and pulled myself up off the ground.

"You want to know how to know if you love someone?" the voice called, and as I watched the approaching shadowy figure, I could see that it was a familiar shape. One that was only described in legends. I blinked in astonishment.

Raven hair and crimson eyes approached me with an expressionless face. There was no blinking, no apparent breathing, and not an ounce of fear regarding to my pokemon, which were all ready to attack at my command. He strode, with his slender shoulders pulled back and his glorious face soft, as if the muscles hadn't a clue how to tighten. His lips were the only things that were even a little bit perked.  
Red.

The legendary Red was here? In the Viridian forest? Were my eyes playing a trick on me? Was I dreaming? Because I knew that this just couldn't be happening. He was up on the mountain… that's where he stayed… awaiting the day a challenger would come and battle him for his title. Awaiting the day he would be defeated…

I was brought back to a moment in time when I had seen this man before, and even though I had been very young, I remembered it vividly. Red was just a nameless pokemon trainer at the time, young, like I was once, just starting out with nothing to live for but a dream. He had shown up at one of the corporate Team Rocket offices where I just so happened to be staying for a night. My father had dumped me off on his "friend" (AKA assistant by default) because watching me himself was out of the question.

I remembered how scared I had been when a battle broke out on the top floor of the office. I had hidden under a desk and cowered, fighting off the rebounds of pokemon attacks and flinched because lightening had been thrown everywhere. I could still feel the shards of glass that hit me when the windows shattered, and the terrible blood that had come from my feet when I stepped in it later.

Red hadn't been anyone back then… but he was someone to me. A personal hero you could say. For the longest time I was so happy that he was defeating my father's business. All I could think about as a child was how important it was that Red always won because if he beat my father, then my father wouldn't have anything to put his time into other than me. I had been relying on Red to give me my father for years… not knowing that the day Red did defeat him, was the day my father abandoned me.

I never knew whether to hate Red or appreciate him for what he did to me after that. Sure it wasn't what I was hoping would happen… but it certainly made things different. Without Red I may never have gotten the chance to be a trainer at all. Even if I had to steal my own pokemon and fend for myself at only fifteen years old… without him I could have spent the last three years of my childhood suffering from an abusive failure of a father.

Red looked at me now, with those familiar crimson eyes, and he was looking at me as if he was remembering the same thing he did for me so long ago.

"You love Gold."

Had his mouth even moved? Now I was sure this was a dream.

The champion approached me, holding his hand out with a delicacy that no normal human being could master. "Why do you question yourself?"

"Don't touch me." I hissed, but was frozen to the spot. I could raise my hands to stop him, nor could I pull away. He blinked once, slower than anyone else should be able to blink.

His hand touched the side of my face ever so slightly, fingers trailing over my jaw and barely to my neck before sliding back.

"Why won't you admit that you love Gold?" he asked me, brushing my hair back and tipping his head to the side to examine my shoulder. "You are bruised you know."

"I know that." I gritted my teeth. "And how do you even know who Gold is?"

"He kissed you on the mountain." Red said softly. "And then you hit him."

I shivered. "You—you saw that?"

His fingers played at my collar bone for a second before he pulled back. "He didn't tell you? I saved Gold up there… brought him to the hot spring… made sure he woke up."

Gold had never said anything about meet Red before… I had just assumed Gold woke up quickly and flew off that mountain with Skarmory like I did Crobat. Suddenly I felt like there was something missing. Something so terribly missing that I felt selfish and conceded and more or less like the biggest asshole on the planet.

Just how much had happened to Gold while we weren't speaking for those few weeks? How much didn't I know about? I knew that his mother moved and someone took over his old house and shot his Skarmory… but what else was there? I'm sure a lot that I missed…

"Gold is a good guy." Red said after a second. "He could have stayed with me and been warm for the night on that mountain you know. But he didn't. He left right away to go find you… He loves you."

"I know." I looked down ashamed.

"And you love him."

I looked up at the champion, trying not to glare. Why was he doing this to me? "You don't know that." I said.

His crimson eyes glimmered. "And neither do you. But someone has to make a decision."

I shook my head. "No offense, but why are you here?"

"You mean off the mountain?"

"Yes."

He gave me a very soft smile that took little effort on his part. His eyes danced and twirled like pits of lava. "To see my own love."

"You love someone?"

"Just one someone." He corrected. "Other than my family and my pokemon… Yes… the gym leader of Viridian."

"Green?" my eyes must have looked like they would pop out of my head. I remembered battling the arrogant and cocky leader once.

Red muffled a laugh. "You might be surprised how many of the world's strongest trainers are gay."

I just shook my head in shock and Red lifted his hand to touch my face again. I flinched. Those gay hands touching me… it was like a reflex reaction.

I'm not gay! I wanted to say, but who was I kidding? I was terribly gay—for Gold.

"You have very nice features by the way." Red commented. "Oh… and is that yours there?" his long, lean fingers pointed to the ground where I was sitting a moment ago. Tucked in between the roots of a tree was my pokegear, lit screen and all with Gold's name strewn across it.

Humor flashed in the champion's eyes as I turned quickly to snatch it up.

"Just tell him you love him." Red leaned over and nudged me—no not a kiss—with his lips. He turned cheeks to mine and left me gaping in shock. I scrubbed my hand across my face and glared as he tried to walk away from me. It was obviously meant to be a goodbye… but…

_I won't be home tomorrow. Going to pallet town with Green._

"Red." I barely whispered his name first, as he was starting to fade back into the trees heading for Viridian City. "Red!"

He glanced back over his slender shoulder and raised an eyebrow to me. My heart took off racing in my chest. What did Gold want with Green? Why were they going to Pallet Town? Jealousy raged in my stomach and up through my chest like fire. Gold wasn't having sex with the gym leader was he? Now that I found out Green was gay it seemed all the more likely in my mind…

"You better see this." I hissed to Red. "It seems Green has other plans… you might want to know…"

His face suddenly grew very dark and protective. He looked quite obsessive right then and there, and he was at my side in an instant grabbing the pokegear from my hand and glaring down at the harsh light of the screen. His blood red eyes narrowed.

"My love…" he whispered. "Has plans… with your love?"


	28. Chapter 28

~Red~

"So the plan is we wait here and fallow them to Pallet town?" Silver assured me, for the twenty sixth time.

Beyond the world I felt to be living in, the waking world, where the grass grew and the seasons changed, I could feel a mountain of stone and ice growing cold over me. My person night light, my heater, the person that would light up my heart and make me tingle from head to toe in the most dazzling array of a perfection spectrum. This was Green Oak of Viridian City, and that boy had been very, very naughty.

He didn't come to see me for over four months. Careful calculations and too much time to think had assured me of that. It was much longer than usual and it left me with a bitter taste in my mouth. The kind of taste that made me want to slap him around a bit before making my undying love to him while wearing nothing but my hat and my left glove. Sadly I needed my right hand, so that one would be left bare.

"I suppose." I agreed; to ease the pain in Silver's eyes from getting any worse. He was trapped and I could see that, journeying for far too long to let something like this cause such distress. Didn't he know that Gold would be his forever? Didn't he know that Gold was only in it for him?

Maybe that was too vague for a normal trainers eyes, though I found it hard to believe Silver was anything but normal. Maybe he was just too disconnected from the reality of it all. His quiet and defensive nature had put him in a place where all he would feel was pain.

"But what if they fly to Pallet Town?" he asked me. "Does Green have any large bird types? What if we miss them completely?"

"Pidgeot." I nodded once. "But he won't put the strain of two trainers on its back."

Silver was pacing the forest floor in front of me, staring down at his pokegear. It was fancy and rimed with black with lots of buttons that I couldn't understand. I liked to keep to my simple pokedex.

"Maybe I should just go over there tonight… and tell him I'm sorry for not saying it back. Maybe then he won't go anywhere with Green." He spat my beloved gym leaders name as if it was poison.

I chuckled darkly. "Why don't you just tell him you love him?"

"Because I don't know if I do! Aren't you even a little mad they are going somewhere together?"

I shrugged and shook my head. "I don't suppose I know what they plan on doing. But I do know that if Green wants sex, he wouldn't be taking him to Pallet Town for it. Green hates Pallet."

"So that's all Green wants then? Sex?" Silver covered his face with his hands and groaned. "No!"

"I didn't say that."

"But you know him better than I do! Green is a pervert isn't he? He just wants to get in Gold's pants!"

"Calm down, Gold isn't Green's type."

There was a moment of silent disbelief. I could feel the tension cracking in the back of Silver's neck as he moved. I could sense the adrenalin of anger in his pulse, as well as the sweat he was working up on his face. He was emanating grief and frustration stronger than anyone had in a long time.

He was just like his father that way… Unsuccessful with relationships. I wondered if Silver ever knew his mother growing up, or that she was murdered under the hand of his father. Of course that is being unfair. Silver would never murder Gold in the literal sense. But it was obvious he had some problems with the boundaries being set.

"Well obviously you don't know Gold very well because he is everyone's type."

"Well he does have a nice ass." I agreed, thinking back to my home in at the top of the mountain, and the day Gold was knocked out and brought into my steamy "sex lair". The poor baby was so scared for his virginity in the presence of me. I knew that for a moment he must have thought I would rape him. Why else had he hidden beneath the water from me? Why else had he shied away from my touch?

"WHAT?" Silver's face went the same fiery red of his hair. "No way!"

"How would you know?" I mused.

"I—I do know… in fact… I… I felt it... a—and I—I—

"Felt it?" I looked up in surprise. He was blushing so cutely, with those rosy cheeks and his eyelashes all fluttery because he was embarrassed. I loved that in a guy.

"Yeah." He crossed his arms and pouted, probably wishing he hadn't said anything at all. Jealousy, oh jealousy how you can be so devious. I smiled at him.

"Tell me how it felt."

"No."

"We have too much time to pass, so spit it out already."

"We could battle instead?"

"Do you really feel like battling?" I flashed him my teeth and raised my eyebrows at him. I knew the answer even before he shook his head. No one REALLY wanted to battle me, people just wanted to win against me. I'm sure Silver's reason was different to that of course, he was too focused on his love right now, the communication between his pokemon would be too much for him.

"Tell me." I gestured for him to sit beside me on the forest floor.

I wanted to see him sitting in the pale moonlight… I wanted to see him give into this broken heart and admit he loved Gold. Such an obvious obsession, it was cruel that someone could be so mean to himself. Under these stars tonight I knew he would figure it out.

"Sit with me." I reached my hand up and tugged at one of his belt loops with a tired smile on my face. "Please?"

"Would you stop that?" he pushed my hand away and took a step back.

"Stop what?"

"That—that thing you do with your eyes. And stop touching me."

"I can't help my eyes." I shook my head sadly. "So I understand if you don't want to look directly at them. And I can't promise I will stop touching you. Now sit."

He turned his own magnetic silver eyes on me and glared down. "And what if I don't?"

"Then I won't tell you how I know Gold has a nice ass."

His face went from anger to fury in a matter of a second, and the short fuse in his heart was lit fast and hard. I couldn't almost see him ready to spiral out of control.

"It's your choice." I added—I admit—just to see those sparks fly. Too much like Green… too much built up testosterone for his body. This was one man that needed a good wank down. I loved that in a man…

"Fine… but don't touch me." He snarled as he moved to my side and sat down nearly a foot away.

"That's not next to me." I commented.

"Yes it is, you didn't specify how close."

"Come a little closer." I whispered.

"No!"

"But I'm always alone, and when I find people I like, I like to keep them as close to me as I can for the short time that I see them." This was true for everyone except Green. When I saw him I had to smother him until he couldn't breathe and then beg him never to go while he was pounding me in the ass.

I wonder what he will think when I tell him I'm done spending time on the mountain… I wonder if he will let me live with him now.

Silver glared at me as if I was crazy. "I'm not going to be your comfort just because you choose to live your life on a mountain."

Feisty… always so spicy—I meant feisty—or not. No he was both. I licked my lips, thinking about my severe dislike for spicy foods, and knowing that he could help me overcome that. Maybe a painful tingle was just what I needed.

"Well…" I looked away. "I suppose you don't want to know."

"Fuck you…" Silver whined and gripped the ground tightly with both hands. He scuffled over huffing and muttering until our legs were brushing He folded them up tightly to his chest and set his chin on his knees. "This is cruel. How do I know you're not making up about his ass anyways?"

I sighed. "Silver… I wouldn't lie." But my grin told otherwise. "Alright… so that day on the mountain when you punched him… and I brought him to the hot spring (sex lair). I had to take his clothes off of course."

"WHAT?" Silver looked about ready to punch me. I winked to tease him, just to ruffle those pretty little sparks in his eyes. Let him punch me. Oh. Yes. I would punch back.

"You can't get your clothes wet in the mountain… you would turn into a popsicle." I explained gently. I would lick that. "So you see, it was just me keeping him alive."

Silver buried his face into his knees and groaned. "You saw him naked before I did."

"Yes." I nodded. "He has a nice body too. Firm. —you saw him naked?"

There was no response from the shivering slump on my right side. I leaned my head back against the bark of the tree and waited for a response.

"Yeah."

"And?"

"And what? I should tell you about my sex life?"

"So you had sex?" I gathered. It wasn't my fault. He just made it too easy to read him. He was like a wound, just kept bleeding and bleeding and was begging to be stitched up.

"No!"

"Liar."

He flushed. "Why do you care either way?"

"Sex is always my business when it concerns the ass of someone I saw."

There it was again, those beautiful little sparks.

"What do you want from me? A detailed story?" he said sarcastically rolling his eyes. "It wasn't even that great."

"I would love a detailed story." I agreed politely. "Go ahead."

"Shut up. I didn't mean that."

"Then tell me why it wasn't that great?" I wanted to turn and grip his chin between my thumb and finger until he looked me in the eyes and spilled out his guts about Gold and him having sex.

Silver just shook his head. "NO."

"Are you embarrassed?"

"No."

"Oh… I see."

"What?"

"You ARE embarrassed. Did it not work? First time is always tough… you shouldn't let it get you down. I mean with a cock like—

"Stop!" He clawed at his face and shook his head. "Just stop—ok? Stop."

I pouted. "Don't be so scared of conversation. I'm sure Gold thought it was wonderful."

Silver pulled his face up and stared down at the palms of his hands. Distress lined his face and brought down a rain of sadness across his brow. He looked much too much like a fallen angel with those silver eyes and those high cheek bones. I wanted to kiss those thin lips and tell him that Gold would always love him—because no one turns down a champion for someone else unless that's love.

"No… he didn't."

"Do you know that?"

"He won't talk to me about it. He ignores everything that has to do with it. He didn't even act like he loved me when I saw him the other day." His heart was breaking. I could see that. A blue flame turning into the less hot red one of hate and anguish.

"That doesn't mean he didn't enjoy it." I stated calmly. "He probably is afraid of what you are thinking too."

"That's not all though…" all the walls were crumbling down around Silver now. I could see his outer shell crumble to reveal the fleshy inside of his emotions. "Afterwards… He told me he loved me… and I didn't say it back… and I know he wanted me to."

"Why didn't you?" I whispered. "That wasn't nice…"

"I know!" he hung his head. "But how am I supposed to know…?"

I blinked at the conflicted young adult and sighed for a second. He was so lost in thinking about the emotions he shouldn't have, or thought he shouldn't have; he couldn't see just what was really in front of him. And sadly enough, he needed to know. There was no furthermore waiting.

I turned and gripped his face with both my hands and tightly as I possibly could.

"Hey! Get the FUCK OFF!" he started shoving back at me.

Ahhh… but I was quicker. My lips connected with his, sending his legs about in a fit of rage, kicking and bucking and ripping up grass while he tried to shove my face away. I plowed in deep though, tongue and all, feeling the hot, the moist, and the confused gather in my mouth. I wanted to take this pain away from him. Even if that meant gaining a little myself.

You see. I'm a man of simple terms. Love for me does not mean kissing Silver, or flirting with Gold, or sex from them both. Love was something that ran deeper than that. It was the way dappled light could shine through the canopy of leaves in my hometown on the face of a four year old boy with too much potential. It was the sound of a Professor crying in his old age, because his grandson had chosen me over the standard way of life. It was the relief, the pleasure, the sheer happiness of knowing that someone loved you, and then the pain of them being upset with you.

Love for me was fate. Like that mountain and Green's pendent that was the only thing he had left of his grandfathers approval. Professor Oak gave him that pendent of many Oak generations, hoping that letting his grandson be openly gay wouldn't matter anymore. He wanted Green to be happy, which was the connecting worlds between us.

Love was that pendent and the words Green would speak when he understood that I had been on that mountain for over five years searching for it. Love was sacrifice. Love was Green.

As love to Silver… was Gold.

The compliment of our worlds. Green and Red, Gold and Silver. We needed each other, and I managed to convince my horny bastard self to believe that kissing Silver was the way to make him understand this.

That's why in a matter of about ten seconds I had gone from on top of him, tugging at his hair and shirt collar, to on the ground with my head throbbing and my nose trickling blood. I laughed softly.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!" Silver demanded. I wished I could see his face right now… and see just how angry he was.

"Do you love Gold?" I croaked.

"NO!"

"You are a liar. You wouldn't be gay and refuse me if you didn't love him. He did the same for you… So do you love him?"

"NO! I SAID NO!" but his voice cracked, almost like a teenager hitting puberty. He was a wreck; I could hear the fighting tears. He was so angry and so upset that he was crying…

"You love Gold." I let my face grow numb on the frosty ground while Silver stood up and sniffled. I caught a glimpse of him rubbing his sleeve across his cheek before the blades of grass became too focused.

"No." he insisted, grabbing his bag and trying to walk away. "I don't know…" the anger was fading as quickly as it was coming. Like his foots steps and he turned to leave.

"Silver!" I coughed, which made a spurt of blood come from my nose. It stung but not nearly as bad as this terrible romantic soap opera I was watching in front of me. "Silver just admit it to yourself!" I demanded, about to get up and go at it with round two. I had taken plenty of punches before… this was no different… and this was for love.

Because love was painful.

"I don't want to." His voice came as a whisper in the wind.

"You have to."

"No…"

"Silver…"

He sighed.

"You love him." I said clearly one more time. "Like I love Green… you love Gold."

There was a long dreadful pause between my slow heartbeat and his erratic one. I could sense it through the grass and the wind and the air. Silver… oh Silver… just give up, I begged silently.

"Yes." He whispered. I heard a tear fall to the dirt with that. And it was one of many drops that would fall tonight.

"I love Gold…"


	29. Chapter 29

~Silver~

"Leave me alone!" I snarled at the one, the great, the fucking champion of the world. The pervert was hot on my trail, watching my every step and commenting about how I would dig my heels into the ground when I walked.

The sun was pushing up like a ball of fire beyond the hill that concealed the forest from the view of Pallet Town. I was approaching the pathetic excuse of a town after walking all night long, and my irritation was rising. My pokegear was on fire as I sent Gold angry texts, though too afraid to call him for myself.

To Gold: _You were naked with Red in the mountain? The kuck!_

To Silver: _? *fuck?_

To Gold: _Dammit Gold!_

To Silver: _it's not like I wanted to be…_

Oh but you wanted to go to this run down seaside town with your new lover Green did you? I almost typed the words of hate, but decided otherwise. Gold didn't know that I was going to meet up with him here shortly, and I hoped he had something to say for himself when I did. One of the worst nights of my life and I was raging with fury. And if Red didn't fucking stop fallowing me I was about to turn around and throw my pokegear at him.

To Silver: _I don't see why you are so mad at me._

To Gold: _Then you are even more stupid than I thought!_

To Silver: _Bite me ):_

My knuckles strained white against the small piece of machinery. If this wasn't the thing that held all my records of everything I ever did with my life since I was fifteen, I would have smashed it to pieces with my bare hands.

"Green must be visiting Professor Oak." A quiet voice reached me from a few feet back. "His lab is that large building over there."

I looked across the tiny town. ALL the buildings were small. I sighed as my palm vibrated.

To Silver: _Ok sorry… that was mean._

I couldn't reply. What was I supposed to say to him? You're breaking my heart because you are traveling with that shit bag gym leader from Viridian city? And not only that, but now I have to travel with this shit bag Red from the mountain.

No… I would save that for when I saw him in person.

To Silver: _): really Silver… tell me why you are so mad._

To Gold: _You piss me off._

To Silver: _WHAT DID I DO THOUGH?_

To Gold: _everything…_

He really didn't understand, I knew that he was probably rereading all the messages between us, trying to find anything to give away just what upset me so much. In his eyes he did nothing wrong. He couldn't figure out that it was jealousy making me want to strangle him.

Him and that leader Green… that cocky bastard. What did he have that I didn't?

Pallet Town was still asleep and silent when I strolled in, under the splotchy, cloud blocked sun. It looked as though it would snow today, and here I suppose that was the norm. A windy draft blew in over the ocean and it reminded me much of New Bark Town.

Maybe it was Gold's idea to come here… maybe his heart was leading him to a small town with a population of under a hundred. Not even a pokemon center existed here, not that it was needed with the lab, but still. There was a rundown general store, a cluster of about ten houses, and some broken fences scattered across the dirt road leading up to it all. It smelt of winter honey suckle and sea water.

Red sighed and stopped to bask in the glory of the town. I didn't stop to stare, but I knew that the look in his eyes must be something of nostalgia. How would a champion feel? Reverting back to the tiny town he was born in… the place where life started for him. The place he took his first step to becoming a trainer, and the place he never went back.

I wished for a second that I had a town to call home… but that was irrelevant. The whole of Kanto was my home, because my father moved around so much and dragged me with him. I had seen the whole region by the age of three, but never once did I get the chance to look back and love what I saw. It was indeed impossible to scan the all the lands of Kanto in one glance. Some would call that lucky… some would think otherwise.

All I knew was that Red had the chance to stand like a hero on the hill before his town and watch the world he grew up in. He was their legend… the only thing that probably kept this town-and all the people in it—alive so long.

I kept walking, across the dirt road and through the weeds that lined the soggy pathway to the cluster of houses. Beyond that was the lab, which was where I planned on stationing myself. The hills rose again on that side of the town, and I would be able to see Gold coming over from any direction. I would meet up with him then.

My pokegear was buzzing like crazy by the time I was to those houses, and the town was so silent I thought for sure neighbors would come out complaining. It was Gold calling me now, over and over again, trying to leave me a message but hoping maybe if he dialed again I would just answer.

I stared at the illuminated screen until it came to a standstill, revealing a voicemail and two new messages.

To Silver: _I'm sorry! Ok. I don't know what else you want from me._

To Silver: …. _Silver…. This is stupid. Why are we fighting?_

I picked around with the buttons until I got to the voicemail. Leaning against an old white fence I listened to Gold's frantic voice. There was so much dread there.

_"Silver, answer your pokegear! Stop doing this to me. I don't understand what I did wrong… Silver—I love you…"_

_"Don't say that!"_ a voice in the background of the message hissed. My eyes grew wide. That must be Green's voice…

The message ended then, and left me standing with the thing pressed against my face stupidly. My mouth hung wide. How dare he tell Gold not to say he loved me? HOW FUCKING DARE HIM!

I threw the pokegear at the ground as hard as I could. The screen shattered on impact, but the hard plastic body stayed intact, so I just had to stomp on it. As I did it vibrated under my foot. One last pleading call from Gold, screaming at me to answer him, while all the while I was slowly killing that hope. Gold squealed and snapped under my foot, and then cut off with the muffled sound of dirt and pebbles clogging the buttons and insides.

I kicked the thing to the side of me and crossed my arms, thinking about what I would do to that gym leader when I saw him, and what I would say to Gold. It was a waiting game now. And that was a game I could win at.

…..

I could see them now. Approaching the cluster of houses that's path lead to this pokemon lab where I was hiding. There was a small hill that sloped upwards, where the grass was tall and I could lay flat on my stomach without being noticeable, but still see them.

Gold was walking with his head down in silence with the gym leader, who had his shoulders pulled back and his head held high. He was a pace ahead of Gold, and irritation was strewn across his face, hidden slightly beneath his caramel colored flop of hair that needed to be brushed back. They both looked as if they had missed a night of sleep, though I couldn't imagine why.

My eyes narrowed as the two of them drew nearer. I knew if I stood up now they would see me coming, and maybe they wouldn't be so surprised, but I kind of liked the idea. Either way I didn't move a muscle yet.  
Red had gone missing for quite some time, probably back to his old home to see his mother, but was emerging now from a house nearby. I could see the scene playing out, like one of those terrible romance movies. Red's "love" running to him under the morning sunrise. How disgustingly romantic. I stared, waiting for the gay fluff to happen.

Of course though it didn't. When Green saw Red his face lit up in shock, and Red had come forward with a new gracefulness. It was actually quite daunting, and to my own surprise, I saw him raise a hand and grip the gym leader by the chin. Red was shorter so it looked strange to me, even from my angle down on the ground. I strained my head up just a bit to see over some of the stalks of grass.

Some quiet muted words I couldn't understand where spoken, and then Green was touching Red's face. I had to look away, like I noticed Gold did, as the two locked lips and started sharing saliva. Green's hand cupped Red's ass and that was all I could take. I hid my face in my arms and tried to shake the picture. How come anyone else being gay seemed to still repulse me? I knew that if Gold did that to me I wouldn't mind… ok I would mind, but only because it was in public.

I waited a long minute before peeking up again. They had broken apart, but had stuffed each other's hands in eachothers back pockets when they started walking again. Poor Gold looked extremely uncomfortable, but I couldn't help and enjoy it. At least Red was good for something. He provided an excellent cock block between Gold and Green. Even so I was still absolutely furious.

I spent an hour up here in this grass, scaring off stray ratatta and pidgey as they didn't expect me to be in their territory, and thinking about what I could possibly to once those two got here. I hadn't come up with much, but after watching them walk through the tiny town together I was even more livid. MY stomach was tingling with acid.

With one, awkward movement I pushed myself up to stand. Anyone could see me now if they looked in my direction. I felt exposed and a little regretful, but none the less powerful. My eyes were on Green as I stormed down the hill towards the group.

That son of a bitch would get what he deserved for telling Gold what not to say to me on the phone… for thinking he could take Gold away in the first place. Jealously was like a ravenous hunger in the pit of my stomach and I could only feed it with violence.

Twenty feet away from the small group they all saw me. I picked up my feet and tried to look determined and threatening, though Green's emerald eyes were not the easiest to stare down.

"Silver?" Gold huffed in disbelief at ten feet away. Him and Red had completely stopped, though they looked nothing alike.

Gold may as well have shit himself, while Red looked somewhat amused. Green stormed forward to meet me.

"You fucking hit him?" the gym leader snarled at me, teeth bared and pointing a long finger back at the champion. He met me face to face. "You fucking hit Red?"

There was a distinct bruise on the champions face from where I had indeed punched him.

"Green!" Gold gasped as the gym leader raised a fist to me. I saw him jump forward, and it was his distraction that got me knocked nearly to my knees.

The world spun, and for a split second I had become nothing but a ragdoll. My body buckled under me, but I hadn't yet moved anywhere. There was not time between the sudden burst of stars behind my eyes and the anger in my heart. Green should be jealous… he should wish he didn't have a pervert for a lover!

I caught myself and wobbled back to life in rage. My hand came up with the strength I had wished for from the start, and I landed one in the side of the gym leader's neck.

"STOP IT!" Gold howled as Green and I fell to the ground in a ball of fighting limbs and blood.

He couldn't get a grip on my crimson stained face, so the weak punches that were thrown from above merely slipped away. I could feel no pain either, just the amount of energy it took to launch my own attacks at the man. That message replayed inside my head over and over again… of Green telling Gold not to love me.

I gripped him by the shirt collar (or so I thought) and pulled my arm back as hard as I could. A sudden weight drifted off of me and with the blue sky above and the frantic wailing I couldn't even tell that it was not Green I had grabbed now, but Gold who had thrown himself between us.

I punched him hard.

It was an accident… I wanted to punch Green… but that didn't mean it didn't feel good.

"WHAT THE FUCK!" Gold hissed, rolled over in the dirt and spattering my face with his flooding mouth. Hot drool and blood slipped beneath us and he managed to tear our tangled bodies from Green's. He dragged me while he was on his own knees, fighting to make eye contact with me.

I felt knuckles clip the side of my face over and over again, while noises hooted in the background like the colors spinning from dizziness.

"WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?" Gold was wailing, and I realized now that it wasn't saliva dripping on my anymore, it was tears.

I kicked him off and gripped his shoulders as tightly as I could while he lashed out at me. I was perched over him now, looking down, teeth gritted together and bared and hand on his chest. His honey eyes finally focused and I could see the real pain there.

I was huffing, damn near hyperventilating actually, as he braced himself to be hit one more time. I would break his nose… his perfect fucking nose. He didn't love me; if he really loved me he wouldn't have given me the cold shoulder after sex. He wouldn't be here with Green right now.

All the anger subsided though, as tears streamed down his bloody face. He whimpered beneath me, completely shocked and horrified at my reaction. I was perched over him, mid swing, and came to a stuttering stop. My hand fell limply on his chest and I started to cry.

"Dammit Gold." I leaned over him, my hair falling on his neck and my forehead pressed against his chest as well. I covered my face and gripped his shirt as tightly as I could. I couldn't hurt him… not anymore…

"I love you Gold." I managed between ragged breaths. "I'm sorry… I—I just—I love you."

Sensitive hands curled around my sides and back, making there was up to my shoulder blades and gripping me strongly. I felt Gold pushing upwards, forcing himself into a sitting position with me still over his lap. All the hate seemed to pass as quickly as it had come. Suddenly there was no one else in the world but me and this boy here. He hugged me—not in a normal way. He hugged me and held me so tightly while I sobbed like a baby on his shoulder, letting out all the previous emotions.

It was like a floodgate had been opened for the first time in years, and there wasn't just hate for what he did to me coming out. It was pain, and loathing for my father. It was the mistakes he had made and the choices that he pulled me through. It was the fact that I had stolen from a pokemon lab so long ago and never made right to what I did wrong. It was guilt and jealousy and hurt and everything else that had ever been of harm to me.

I sobbed. Right there in public, in front of a tiny town that had all gathered outside to see the commotion. Thankfully most of their attention was drawn towards the champion Red, who had returned after five years of scaling a mountain known for its death.

Death and rebirth…

It was that mountain that brought me and Gold together.

"Oh Silver." Gold whispered to me, his lips tucked into my neck. "I'm sorry… I love you."

Do you?

"I love you so much." He added, as if he had heard my thoughts. Strong hands rubbed against my back, though I could tell he was just as troubled as I was. All there was around us was chaos, and yet in this perfect little bubble, this perfect little world of our own, it was just me and him.

He kissed me. Not passionately, but the kind of kiss on the forehead that claimed he loved me. He really truly loved me and wanted to be with me.

"Tha—thank you." I managed. "I—I am so—sorry"

"Shh…" he pulled back to look me in the eyes, which I'm sure were rimmed with red. I blinked at him as he brushed a lock of hair back past my face. "It's ok." He leaned his forehead against mine and sighed.

"I love you." I pushed my lips forward just to brush his. "Don't leave me."

He shook his head, and for a second I thought he was disagreeing. My heart sank, and then was lifted again when I saw the sad amusement on his face. He laughed ever so softly. "You're the one that always leaves me."

I looked down, ashamed. I had known this whole time Gold was just mad because I ditched him that night we had sex. I knew he was hurt, though I still didn't understand why he avoided the topic. Either way I felt miserable for hurting him.

He laughed again and pecked me on the lips to bring my face up. "I love you." His eyes turned very serious. "And I'm never going to leave you."

I shook my head at him, not in disbelief or to disagree. But just because… I couldn't believe what I was hearing. How relieved I was to know what he had been feeling all along. Why I hadn't accepted this is beyond me. But while I looked in his eyes, melting honey above purpling bruises on olive toned skin, I realized that this was love.

Love wasn't easy, I realized, and I had been thinking that it was supposed to be for so long that I didn't even know I was in on it. It was like a secret that I had known all along, or a password I had forgotten that was still stored in the file cabinets of my brain. I had been denying it for so long I started to believe it. While subconsciously the whole time I knew the truth.

Those eyes, this feeling, the pain the regret and the hate, that was all part of this secret called love. I knew this now… I had known this all along. What love was…

Love was Gold. And what I had been thinking, was that love was glitter. I wanted the good, the peaches and cream, the stories and the things you saw on TV growing up. Corny as it sounded I was waiting for a fairytale ending and that was never bound to happen. I thought about what I had now, the realization of Gold himself. Baffling as it was, it had me believing that all the glitters, no matter how beautiful, are not Gold.

All the glitters are not Gold.

And I wouldn't trade Gold for anything.


End file.
